|Reviews for The Fall of a Lord|
| Lord Weiss chapter 4 . 10/20/2014
Loving it! Oh, I want to read more.
| CrossfireBullet chapter 4 . 5/13/2013
This story is really interesting, please continue!
| Guest chapter 3 . 11/24/2012
Also, nice touch working up to Hannibal's interest in Jack, and Raimundo seeing Chase as an "it".
| Guest chapter 4 . 11/22/2012
This chapter is a marked improvement!
Your other chapters were okay, the writing is fine (minus a few typos), but the main problem I saw was the lack of cohesion between one scene to the next. Like, for example, we don't know how much time passes from one Showdown to the other, and when we see what the characters are doing in their "off-time", it's over too quickly, just barely enough to advance the plot; they felt more like snapshots than proper scenes in a story.
You just fixed that with this chapter, though. :3
My only remaining complaint here would be that sometimes you shifted back and forth from Chase's point of view to Jack's in the same scene, sometimes in the same breath. A lot of authors do this (even published ones!), but it's generally better to let one character have one scene, and then shift to another, allowing some breathing space between one and the other.
Anyway, I'm glad you've got your inspiration back and that things are looking up in real life. Fanfiction is awesome, but your well-being always comes before anything, so don't feel like you owe the readers super-fast updates and such. c:
| Wicked Girl99 chapter 3 . 7/18/2012
Please make the ending.
| beenWereUr chapter 3 . 4/7/2012
it sucks. but if u want sum advice frm sum1 whose experienced this a few times, read this next part. When 'friends' do tht its devistating, but when ppl do the sudden change it means 1 of 2 things: 1-they r going trough rough time themselves, 2-they r treatig u like crap bcuz they'r changing (possibly due to pee pressure) into a Dbag. Whatever the reason, its no excuse to let someone treat u badly. If he can't treat u like his friend, &he can find time to belittle u when he does talk2u, he can find time to shove his attitude right back where it came from &search for either a new1, or sum1 who will let him treat them like crap.
| Madame Penguin chapter 3 . 11/9/2011
"...you're taking in the scenery." Should be a question mark.
"...look for him, and saw Omi disappearing..." no comma needed and there are just a few more minor grammar mistakes. Good job on the diction for Clay.
Omi is a bit OOC, but otherwise the chapter isn't all that bad. I would like there to be more elaboration on Jack as he futhers himself away a bit from the Showdowns and what exactly he does. It seems that Jack is at a point where he is maturing finally, even if it is a small step. It seems a bit weird that Jack suddenly decided this though, so possibly add a flashback of a particularly harsh circumstance that made him this way or just a series of events that happened to him to think that way.
| sakiko of soleana chapter 3 . 10/2/2011
Awwww poor chase.
RAIMUNDO STOP CALLING MY BABY A JACK ASS!
| sakiko of soleana chapter 2 . 9/22/2011
Jeez chase,you are getting old.
| Xiaolin Fan chapter 2 . 9/22/2011
Aww there's raikim abd jack does need a break haha macho man chase poor Rai update soon
| sakiko of soleana chapter 1 . 9/19/2011
Jack does deserve a freaking break.