Reviews for Digital Adventure 03: Kiseki O Shinjiru
piccolaLilly17 chapter 63 . 3/16
fantastic story compliments


the story I hope you update soon also

other stories Miracles Can Happen ?

please soon please
piccolaamica chapter 63 . 3/16
thanks for updating

please Soon please

cute Davis
suntan140 chapter 63 . 3/16
You back YEAH Forbidden Plant is an awesome store to go to. Awesome chapter we on Mummy 2 awesome movie
suntan140 chapter 62 . 9/8/2016
You think you could show the digidestined a memory of davis and kuroko past life where kuroko feel unsure about them because of what the people might said and davis sing they don't know about us.
piccolaamica chapter 62 . 6/19/2016
thanks for updating :)

I hope you update soon
piccolaLilly17 chapter 62 . 6/19/2016
fantastic story compliments

Davis cute

please Soon please
piccolaLilly17 chapter 61 . 6/18/2016
This is general enough ... but make sure you are up-to-date on Office 2011 (14.1.3 current) and then restore disk permissions using Apple's Disk located in the Applications / Utilities folder.
piccolaamica chapter 61 . 6/18/2016
I'm sorry I want to help
but I do not know how to do

I'm sorry :(
Harry Shoemaker chapter 34 . 2/21/2016
Just out of curiosity, are the kids in costumes or are they real monsters?
piccolaLilly17 chapter 60 . 12/21/2015
fantastic story compliments


please Soon please
piccolaamica chapter 60 . 12/21/2015
cute :)


please Soon please

Miracles Can Happen ?
DigitalCorp chapter 60 . 12/21/2015
OK, so now we've turned Kari into the Wicked Witch of the West (or Idina Menzel, whichever you prefer).
suntan140 chapter 60 . 12/21/2015
So crest of darkness is taking control of kari? Awesome songs
suntan140 chapter 59 . 12/21/2015
Awesome Christmas chapter! You ignored the flames. It would be good for Davis to be out of the digidestined
Qinlongfei chapter 27 . 12/13/2015
As a huge Daisuke fanboy (he's my favourite character from Digimon franchise and one of my favourite in all the Anime Comic Game franchises I touched on) I really want to like this story because there's not enough good Daisuke concentric story where he's not a girl (nothing against all the Girl-Suke fans but I prefer my Daisuke vanilla), an overly emo git, or just not well written... which it really pains me to say this story isn't well. I know I only read till the end of Arc 2 so maybe the story gets better afterwards but I have some major problem with the story progress till this point.

My first big problem is how the story beginning with the usual 'everybody hates Daisuke' routine, which essentially make most of 02 cast OOC just to make Daisuke come off sympathetic. Out of all the 02 cast I can see maybe Miyako talks badly about Daisuke since she always speak what's on her mind (and it's not like she only talk about it behind his back, she openly say it to his face). Takeru acting as a giant cock is such a bad cliche for Daisuke-fanboys, because it makes as as despicable as all the Takeru-fanboys who used to bash Daisuke and write him as a complete moron, a pervert or evil (or any of the combination). A lots of people think Takeru is some kind of religious zealot who hates everything related to darkness, openly ignoring the fact in 02 he's the second guy after Daisuke saying they should give Ken a chance (as one of my friend graciously point out) and having him acting like a cock is just bad. Hikari is too compassionate, and Iori is too well-behaving (not to mention mature for his own age) to be bad mouthing their friend behind their back.

So the part where they bad mouth Daisuke could easily be dropped out of the story and just have them kind of ignore Daisuke from the start which would make them act in character and still make the premise of the story feasible. (As much as me being a Daisuke fanboy, his overbearing personality could easily make other decide to just ignore him all together) That part make most 02 cast OOC, and victimizes Daisuke which frankly make neither side look good.

That being said... this story suffers from massive 'too many characters syndrome' in that too many characters are introduced (both OC and cannon characters) but not given enough length to develop their characters so none of them got proper character development. Your idea of making a bunch of OC female and have them pair up with cannon male character is commendable in the sense you didn't just make them into Daisuke's harem... but gosh do they all come of contrived, like their purpose is to be the female counterpart of their male ship just because none of them got any real screen time. The only OC who kind of got a character arc is Anya who start out jealous of her best friend and has to get over it, but the way it's resolved is so unceremoniously it lacks any weight whatsoever. And to that end... there's no need to have Legendary Warrior and Tamer appears in the story at all since they just uses their more basic level of evolution and could be easily changed for the Digidestined who after realize their mistake of ignoring Daisuke decide to come in and help (and frankly be better since it focuses on the group of Digidestined). If you want to have Legendary Warriors and Tamer in the story at least let Susanoomon and Bio-merge comes out and have them get curb stompped by Manyu so it actually look like Daisuke is needed for some arbitrary reason.

And speaking of the OCs... Kokoro is not well, both in her personality and her romance with Daisuke. She just comes off as the same basic arch-type as Hikari, the kind and sweet good girl. One might argue Kokoro being Hikari, but better is good enough reason to write her into the story... except she is worse than Hikari in almost every aspect. She is so un-confident at everything it feels like she need to be nudged by someone else to do anything, which contrast to Hikari who actually motivate herself to do things a lots of times (again graciously pointed out by the same friend of mine, it's her who saved Takeru and Pegasusmon in the dark ocean episode in the end). Kokoro just comes off as a Hikari substitute who is dependent, needy and even times submissive and need Daisuke which once again, make neither of them look good. And their romance arc is also too basic 'love at first sight'-ish where they first met and arbitrarily decided they like each other which makes it very superficial like the romance between Romeo and Juliet. Except in Romeo and Juliet their superficial first love is a contrast to the tragedy of the story so the innocent first love contrast the harsh reality which makes it impactful. Here, the romance between Kokoro and Daisuke comes off just as a trophy for Daisuke worshipping (I'm not against character worshipping, heck, I blatantly character worship Daisuke in my own story but it has to be done in moderate) and just make Daisuke come off as a complete wanker. Heck, Lori would probably be a better ship with Daisuke since he saved her from drowning two times and I can at least see how she might develop a romantic feeling towards him afterwards.

The only good thing l like from the Mummy I arc is Kinu/Ananse because her backstory contrast her evil acts so well. It makes her comes off like a sympathetic Shakespearean (or as I like to call it 'Fire Emblem-ish') villain. But I can't help and think her character is kind of wasted by making her utterly evil. Since her back story is sympathetic (being the bastard child of royalty which means she doesn't fit with commoner or noble class, her true parents loved each other despite the atrocity they commit and both dies before her eyes) it would be more interesting to have her eventually go on a redemption arc and gets shipped with Daisuke other than Kokoro. Plus it would create much more interesting story: the idea of Kinu has to overcome her sins to be with the person she loves, and Daisuke has to struggle with the idea of forgiving Kinu for all the atrocities she commited to accept someone who is utterly broken while appear strong on the outside could create some very interesting story. Also there's the fact Kinu's obsessed with Kiseki instead of Daisuke can also make interesting story.

Maybe you are dodge the vibe of DaiKen ship (since Kinu is more or less a female version of Digimon Emperor) but honestly she's so much more interesting than Kokoro it's a real waste to have her be irredeemably evil.

And Daisuke himself... once again I have to say sorry, because he feels like he has no purpose in this story at all. Not saying he doesn't pull his weight in the story... but with how much build up the story has about only he can stop the ancient evil he barely did anything unique that only Daisuke and no other character can do. It's like you can replace him with any experienced Digidestined who can lead a group of rookies and you would get the same result. The only thing unique about him is Kinu's obsession with him, which prevent her from killing him outright and but once again that only victimizes Daisuke and doesn't show any strength of characters (As Ben Yahtzee Crowsha pointed out, getting enough shit kicked out of you doesn't equal strength of character).

And the last big criticism... the 'music' chapters where you mix song lyrics into the story. It's a cute idea, and being an writer myself I can see where you come from. I think we are similar in the sense we first have a scene in our head just like the anime, and we translate that scene into written word so I can see how you have the music play in your head while your scene plays out and you want to share it with your readers. Once again it's commendable, but you have to understand the difference between written and image media. Unlike the writer him/her self we as reader don't have that scene in our head, so the only way we can receive how the story is played out is by reading the text and the lyrics completely disrupt the flow of the story so it ends up being destructive rather than complimentary like the anime so I end up skipping all the part where you have lyrics mixed in (that Rio chapter is the worst since aside from a song bugger all happened in the chapter).

Sorry about the rant and overall negative review. But I think you can make a better story if you address some of those issues.
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