|Reviews for SAP|
| Kelly J chapter 14 . 3/9/2013
this story is so fun and funny! i absolutely love it! i really hope you going to keep updating this story and soon!
| Saguenay chapter 14 . 12/5/2012
I like this kind of story where each chapter is like an episode of a comedy. I hope you continue to write about these two characters, I want to see them healed and making love. Thank you.
| Darcy Knightley chapter 14 . 11/10/2012
This story is completely owning me right now. I started dreaming about my days at summer camp a few chapters in, too bad it wasn't co-ed. Bella is equal parts amazing and terrifying. I love seeing the more insecure side of Edward, I think that part of canon gets lost most of the time. Hope to see a new chapter soon!
| whiskeytwins chapter 4 . 11/7/2012
I like how you've managed to keep some canon characteristics. Enjoying your story.
| whiskeytwins chapter 3 . 11/7/2012
Enjoying this little jacked up summer camp story.
| whiskeytwins chapter 2 . 11/7/2012
| whiskeytwins chapter 1 . 11/7/2012
Found your story on tehlemonadestand. Looking forward to it.
| lovedwardalways chapter 14 . 11/6/2012
This is one of the funniest, craziest stories I have ever read it is great yet the last two chapters you may want to run them thru the spell checker just saying. Hope you update.
| FreeCheeseSoup chapter 1 . 11/5/2012
Writing shows tons of promise despite someone so *obviously* young, who chose mature subject matter. Just because you may have done these things, does not give you insight and much needed perspective anymore than buying a car makes you a driver, or having kids makes you a responsible adult, nor does going to therapy makes you a psychologist. Although some background knowledge on the latter topic, all things considered, would be apropos for writing about the mental heath system and teenage patient issues.
Humor was very good in places, but sagged when turned up to full-on hyperbole. Remember: less is more when it comes to good writing; especially true with humor.
Since you have lots of good ideas to work with, you can afford to be choosy with it, rather than slathering it on, all at once, over everything. Pace it out. A little goes a long way, and a real gem will deliver a more memorable impact when not set among scads of rhinestones. Let the pacing/reader breathe between whammos.
Avoid extremism, especially in emotions and dialogue, because believe it or not, its overuse is a sure sign of novice/weak writing. I can see you have more talent than experience, which is always preferable, considering the vice versa: the all too common MomJeans Fluff drab-drab-drabbler, so don't take these comments too hard. We will always get experience, but not necessarily talent. Overall, this writing is funny and original.
Avoid the use of exclamation marks. Intense, acerbic, or heated is not the same as characters screaming. The exclamation mark rule is one per entire story, and only when a character is knifed, eaten by bears, or is on fire. Screaming makes sense in those situations. Never use capitals to express dialogue: that's what adjectives are for, and if you must: adverbs. Your emotional response descriptors are excellent, and a texting style dialogue (using caps and exclamations) undermines your authorial savvy.
Some characters and dialogue were quite funny and unique, and this gets good marks for attempting break fresh trail despite the well-trod plotline in fanfic of crazy but misunderstood B.
The good thing: you are funny. And yes, some hilarity ensued. A brave and bold claim, and I think meant with with a twinge of irony, but it's always a good idea to not appear self-congratulatory early in the game (like A/N warning that readers will need kleenex because their writing is so, so sad). Let your supporters make that call for you, because if you have to tell people you're funny, it was a joke, etc, than, well... you know. Still, it was funny, so that claim was not overly bumptious, like me.
| tone death chapter 14 . 11/5/2012
Oh god. Can't stop laughing. That last bit just cracked me up. These guys are amazing.
| Tiakie chapter 14 . 9/16/2012
I cannot praise your story enough. I wish I had some fanfiction friends I could pimp it out to but alas it's just me. I hope you get the recognition you so thoroughly deserve and look forward to another exciting episode in NHSC!
| Tiakie chapter 12 . 9/16/2012
Poor Edward. I love the way you still deal with the 'issues' whilst still keeping the humor.
| Tiakie chapter 11 . 9/15/2012
What is she going to say? Oh dear Emmett...
| Tiakie chapter 10 . 9/15/2012
Congrats with the job... totally agree with you on John!
| Tiakie chapter 9 . 9/15/2012
Oh she's a hoot that Alice. Not used to reading lemons with regards to the parentals but it was totally cool... and hot!