|Reviews for Ivalice Undone|
| Gantz Gun chapter 4 . 11/25/2012
I'll give you this dude, this story is really coming along beautifully. We just have so much to look over and review. So in an effort to do this effectively, I'll split this review into segments covering specific points.
1. Scio Swain; I'll admit, I was a bit surprised to learn that this guy is related to the always strict and uppity Babus Swain. However, it's also quite humorous to learn that his son is so different from him personality wise. So much so in fact that no-one would be able to guess he was Babus' son unless he flat out mentioned his heritage; which, as I noticed, is something Scio was not looking forward to doing. I more then noticed how uncomfortable the poor guy is, and perfectly understand his reasonings. It's not easy living up to someone else's reputation, especially if it's family AND they are infinately better then you.
2. August; He's really coming along as a character, and it's easy to see why Adelle could compare him to our very own Luso Clemens. The history behind his parents is also enlightening, and certainly filled to the brim with mystery. For some reason, I feel that we may be seeing this 'Vallen' guy sometime in the near future, and the second Sun Cryst? PHEEEEEEEEW BOY, that does NOT bode well for Ivalice.
3. In fact, neither does Vallen's history. He mentions corruption in nearly everything that makes Ivalice, well, Ivalice. If I might say so, I love this dark approach. Even world's in their supposed golden age can have it's dark underbelly, after all. Illua was perfect proof of that, and the events leading to Vallen's betrayal is as well.
4. Adelle, Cid and Clan Gully. This is by far my favorite aspect above the darkness threatening to choke Ivalice and the history, thus far you write both of the characters to great and believable effect. The 'Cid Gully' thing is also believable and a very nice touch. It could certainly go into explaining Clan Gully's odd name anyway. XD With that said, I look forward to seeing more of Cid, Adelle and the rest of Clan Gully as well. It sounds like we'll get to see a few of members they've taken on since Luso went away.
Overall, I really look forward to seeing what you have in mind to do next. You have a solid story going here, and it looks like it's only going to get better as things go on.
| NO NAME chapter 1 . 1/28/2012
I SAW YOUR REVIEW FOR REBORN'S STORY ON WKC. SO IF YOU HAVE THE TIME TO READ AND ANOTHER PERSON'S STORY YOU SHOULD HAVE THE TIME TO UPDATE YOUR OWN STORY OR AT LEAST FOR US WKC FANS YOU START A FANFIC FOR WKC AND DITCH THIS ONE FOR AWHILE PLEASE BECAUSE I WILL NOT REST UNTIL WKC GETS AS MANY STORIES AS DRAGON QUEST OR FFXIII THANK YOU
| cuttingmoon57 chapter 3 . 11/2/2011
Hey! Sorry about the lateness of this review. There was just so much stuff to do and not enough time to do it.
Anyway, I thought this chapter was pretty good. The pace was fine, Augustus and Scio join the clan and had some good motivations for doing it. Nothing of note I could really pick apart here, so good job!
On another note, I know what you meant, but this sentence cracked me up. It's wording was just funny.
"Ha!" he responded between pants, "leave it to..."
Looking forward to the next one!
| Dark0Boy0Sabata chapter 3 . 10/18/2011
Great chapter man. Cid and Adelle are so awesome and it's great to see them in action finally. If you need anything, or want to use Aaron in your story. Feel free to PM me.
| Mike AZ 2 chapter 3 . 10/16/2011
This chapter and the last one were pretty good. I know I didn't review last chapter, but I just didn't have a reason to (no offense).
Here's an idea for characters: What about a male Hume Black Mage and/or a Viera White Mage? I think those would be some good characters to use as more OC Clan Gully members.
As for antagonists, My character and character class idea for that would be a Parivir, Ninja, or Illusionist from Clan Khamja.
Sorry if I'm not being specific. But I hope these ideas help with your story.
Oh, and about that poll you mentioned, I couldn't find it on your profile. Was it not posted yet? Just wondering. Anyway, I'll be looking forward to the next chapter.
| Gantz Gun chapter 2 . 9/26/2011
WHOOOOA! XDDD Very nice man, very nice. The fight scene was very well choreographed, and even quite impressive in a few places. I will openly admit, however, that that had to have been the first time I've seen Nethicite in action. It was a very interesting sight to be sure; I'll have to remember what I saw, in case I want to use it for one of my own works.
What makes it even better is that you brought Cid and Adelle of Clan Gully into the fray as well. It was MAJOR LEAGUE awesome to see both of them in action; plus I'll admit when Adelle launched out the Lennart spell, I could MORE then picture August's agape expression. XDD
The only complaint I have, and trust me, it's minor, is that you didn't put anything up in this chapter that separated your beginning author's notes with the chapter. Like I said, it's minor, but you might want to figure out how to handle that for the next chapter, so you don't confuse your readers.
Aside from that, this chapter was a very nice wrap up to the beginning of the story, and a good opener to what you will have in mind after it. I eagerly look forward to seeing what you have in mind; especially now that Clan Gully is involved.
| Gantz Gun chapter 1 . 9/24/2011
I will be perfectly honest with you, up and front. I do not read very many Final Fantasy fanfics, and when I do, I make sure they are highly reviewed [Making the assumption of the fic's quality]. However, I shall also say this.
This had to have been one of the most intuitive and clever FFTA2 fanfic's I've yet read. The setting is well explained and you use material to the best of your ability, your costume design for various characters, and your way of describing characters is quite clever (I am a TAD confused as to why you described Gria's being as being pink, but whatever), and your unique names really give Ivalice it's desired exotic feel. Of course, the characters we're shown are nicely written as well; our hero August is certainly interesting, and you take great care to make him a reasonable character, Aldo and Scio (though we know little about them now) also seem interesting, can't wait to see more...
And then of course there's the hooded man. You have really gained my interest, and have made me curious concerning his identity, who he's working for, and what his overall goal and role in the story might be.
I would comment more on the storyline, but thus far, the story has barely begun, so we're not supposed to know what direction this is going in. Either way though, I'll just close by saying this. Very good story thus far. I can't wait to see more.
| Dark0Boy0Sabata chapter 1 . 9/24/2011
Good chapter, the main character is cool, the hooded man had that air of mystery to him and all around, it was really good. I love where this is going and I so can't wait to see the next chapter.
| Mike AZ 2 chapter 1 . 9/24/2011
Nice chapter. Looks like a good fic so far.
I thought that the OC, Augustus was pretty awesome. I cant really think of anything that might have to be improved, its pretty good.
Oh, and I dont mean to pry, but if youre looking for other characters from other Square projects to temporarily star as a guest, what about Ramza from FFT: War of the Lions? Just an idea.
Out of curiosity, will Luso, Frimelda, Cid or Adelle make an appearence in your fic?
Anyway, good luck with the next chapter. Im looking forward to it.
| cuttingmoon57 chapter 1 . 9/24/2011
Hey! I actually noticed and read your chapter on here before I read the message.
Alright, I was correct about liking your premise. Your prologue is interesting and I'm eager to see how that will all unfold.
The chapter itself was also good. I like that you had Augustus run instead of trying to challenge the three enemies. Shows that he has a sense of right and wrong, but isn't naive or foolish with it. Your description was also well placed. The pacing was the one small problem I had. The attack seemed to occur as soon as he stepped out of the aerodrome. We didn't really receive any prior time with Augustus (like maybe him walking around observing Flugoris, for example) to get an initial grasp of his personality before he was placed in the situation. Of course, that's only minor. Everything else was very good for your first chapter.
You went with the Alchemist after all. I like his name, too. Reminds me of Scion. Eager to meet the rest of your starting clan in the next few chapters. As always, here for any help you need.
Good luck, and waiting for chapter two