Reviews for You Can Do Better
Narcissa-Weasly chapter 1 . 2/11/2012
This is nicely written, you did the first person POV really good.

Liked the end, that she didn't mean to kill him.
princesstaranee chapter 1 . 1/26/2012
Oh! An interesting twist! I'm going to infer that she loved him, after all. Clever - a good take on such a key scene. I liked the line about Harry.
alljuststories chapter 1 . 10/10/2011
Great job! I wouldn't comment on the fact that even though she never cast the killing curse, she cast the cruciatus (crap. I just did :P), but I love the emotions and descriptions, especially at the end when Sirius falls through the veil, everything was slowed down.
sydneysages chapter 1 . 10/1/2011
:O

Honestly, I am so sorry for making you wait so many days before I reviewed; I’ve had school and I’ve literally just finished writing a 15k oneshot. It's no excuse but hopefully this review can make up for it?

I think my face at the top shows it all. Oh. MY. God.

You cannot understand how hard I am finding it to quantify my feelings into words..it’s perhaps one of the hardest things I have done on this site; I don’t know how you do it with both your pieces, yet this…this is just ingenious. I don’t think I can say I have ever seen a better piece about the DEATH OF MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER (I'm still planning on harassing JKR for that) and let me tell you, I’ve seen some good ones.

It even beats my shoddy writing on this.

If I was a normal person, I’d be able to pick out specific quotes that I absolutely found /perfect/ yet there are too many for me to even begin to think about doing this. if I were to copy and paste the entire fic in here, I doubt it would fit so you have to excuse me for not doing this.

Your vocabulary was stunning; your perfect grammar was amazing; your storyline was perfect. The ending was absolutely…let me compare this to me reading Carpe Corpus (you wont have read it, since it’s a Morganville vampires book). When my favourite character died in it, I was actually in so much shock that I didn’t speak to a single person (not even my parents) for an entire day. I didn’t speak to the person who loaned me the book for a month. That’s the only thing I can even begin to compare this to; the shock at bella not actuallt meaning to kill him was OMG OMG OMG ffor me!

I love how you wrote that ending. I love how it worked so perfectly in first person and present tense…this was just epical and I don’t think I have even half done it justice in this paltry review.

10/10 on how in character it is.

There is no question that this is Sirius; the cocky prat to the very end, watnign to be the hero. This is just stunningly him.

10/10 for my personal enjoyability

I can't say I particularly /enjoyed/ reading about my dear Sirius’ death, yet the emotions you brought up in me are unreal. You cannot understand how amazing this was, how perfect I found this fic. You honestly can't.

5/5 for grammar

Already said no faults here.

5/5 for spelling

30/30 overall.

So, you have a…perfect score. As I have a feeling you shall be placed (obs), I would appreciate it if you allowed me a long time to review all the fics because I have a lot of school work (25 hours of homework and I should be doing it now but I'm reviewing because I feel bad for making you wait) to be doing and so won’t have the time properly till half term.

But thank you for being such an amazing writer.

Vicky.
LEstrange xoxo chapter 1 . 9/26/2011
That was absolutely well-written! I loved it. Please continue writing.

Cheers!

Lestrange xoxo
Inkfire chapter 1 . 9/25/2011
I really like the way you described the duel, the wild thought about Harry between brackets, and the very end... well done!
yellow 14 chapter 1 . 9/25/2011
Really outstanding. I love the way he describes the battle and his own foolishness. Keep writing
CherryStainedBlood chapter 1 . 9/25/2011
YAAAAYYY! story where she doesn't mean to kill him(: the ones I've read make it sound like she meant to and I'm like, ! love it :) by the way it's Cherry Stained Blood x but I'm on a different computer and forgot my password(good thing it's on remember on my laptop...) and thank you for the review on my Death Eater Facebook thingy :P x
obsessivegirl73 chapter 1 . 9/24/2011
I always like the stories where Bella didn't mean to kill Sirius. :) liked it very much, awesome job! XD