Reviews for The Rise of the Bullworth Goths
Anon chapter 40 . 6/17/2012
You aren't a real goth until you've sacked rome :/
Maria chapter 38 . 5/27/2012
I think the idea of goths in Bullworth is nice and original, but your character is so MarySue that I lost my interest. Also, your characters are VERY cliché: the innocent goth, defender of the weak and oppressed, who never gets in trouble but people always blame her for sothing she hasn't done AND the beautiful, but incredibly bad cheerleader, who is a bitch all the fucking time and have no qualities, just flaws.

What am I trying to say? Malice is boring. Yes, you're character is boring.

Also, I don't think Jimmy would be friends with the goths because he disapproves the whole clique thing. His only friends are Pete and Zoe. That's it.

Also, can you PLEASE stop writing "tersely" every phrase? It's annoying.

PS: Sorry for my English.
Kaylerx3 chapter 2 . 5/24/2012
omg love it keep up the wrork please
Shadow knight1121 chapter 37 . 5/21/2012
Yay Jimmy to the rescue now that's classic Bully.
Madame Apathy chapter 16 . 4/5/2012
I've just completely lost all sympathy for Malice and am at the point where I think I prefer Allison. Whatever she's done, the prank Malice pulled was incredibly cruel, spiteful and completely disproportionate to Allison's behaviour. Even if Allison's behaviour had went past being brattish or mildly unpleasant, Malice has just lept of the ledge of human decency. If I'm right in assuming the reader is meant to root for Malice, please consider whether she really deserves the moral highground here.

Katie.
Shadow knight1121 chapter 30 . 4/1/2012
Cute chapter. _
Shadow knight1121 chapter 29 . 3/25/2012
Cool chapter cute at the end where they were drinking coacao can't wait for the update.
KikyoHayuta chapter 27 . 3/18/2012
I like the story so far. Pretty cool. She reminds me of my OC, in the on how she wears black. Have you read my story? Can you read it and review? Only one person reviews mine and I am tired of it! Please?
lul chapter 2 . 1/16/2012
A good effort, but I think you should add in more paragraph breaks (especially every time there is dialogue...that's the general rule). You know, 'rest for the eyes', because it's a bit hard to read.

Another thing, which you could improve on in the future? Avoid Mary Sues and self-inserts (even though it is very easy and very common for authors to fall into the trap of creating them). However, OC's in fanfiction are especially hard to pull off...so, as long as you're conscious of it...that's fine.

With other characters, avoid 2-D portrayals - otherwise the reader cannot empathize with anything that happens in the story.
MemaiS chapter 18 . 1/11/2012
I'm not going to repeat what I said on the wiki, because I don't think tacking it on here would do any better.

But here's a word of advice; seriously think before you publish anything on the web. Think LONG and HARD before you hit the 'upload' or 'submit' button.

Rape is no joke, and the way you trivialized it in this fic disgusts me to no end. Reminding someone of an incident which VIOLATES THEIR DIGNITY AND SELF-WORTH is not made better by washing some dishes or being a maid in Harrington House.

Again; think before you submit. Or you know, put up a trigger warning.
Totally-T3ii3 chapter 16 . 1/8/2012
Frankly, I don't know how this has gotten so many reviews. I'm shocked no one has mentioned yet the appalling behavior the "Goths" give to Allison. Honestly, are you so affronted by people from another clique that you feel the need to glorify raping a girl? Even to the extent to have her terrorized?

Aside from these questionable themes; you need to give a lot of thought to your character development, and organization. The semi-colon was over-used in the third paragraph, try using hard stops (periods) instead, and pacing. Your spelling also needs considerable improvement, however you do have a wide vocabulary.

I don't suspect I'll be reading this again, so my criticism is unnecessary. I just thought you should be aware, that while it is normal to detest those whom are different than you, exploiting their trauma is never okay. Even if Allison was the most arrogant, rude, and obnoxious of persons there is never an excuse to use a persons sexual assault against them. I suggest you read into what rape entails. Try to understand that while your character is fictional, the situation you placed her in is very real. By using a juvenile attempt at humor to confront it, you are making light of something very severe. All it accomplished was showing your characters to be more horrible than any prep ever could be.
friendly neighborhood anon chapter 18 . 1/8/2012
It's more than a little concerning that Malice is so smug about knowing Allison's secret, considering how heavy it is.

A day's worth of dishwashing seems like a tiny price to pay for drudging up so many bad memories for people. Some of those seemed pretty traumatizing - way beyond a normal prank, to the point of being inhumane. I hope they get properly punished, one way or another.
Shadow knight1121 chapter 18 . 1/8/2012
Good chapter nuff said
Shadow knight1121 chapter 17 . 1/5/2012
Good chapter you captured crabblesnitch and Danvers characters very well can't wait for more.
Madame Apathy chapter 7 . 12/26/2011
The chapter name of this sounds quite good. It suggests a bit of drama. :)

I'm surprised that Beatrice was so willing with the makeover given that she's already part of a clique. It seems sort of unrealistic that she would just abandon her clique to be a goth. Perhaps you could mention later that something happened among the nerds to cause a rift? Then again, I've only read this far.

There's a little more description here, which is good. Would love to see more description for settings. Maybe say what colours are present or describe some of the ornaments? The antique shop sounds like a really cool place. I'd love to see you focus more on it.

Katie.
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