|Reviews for Nightfall
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/10
Bro seguirás la historia está es la mejor historia que e visto de Naruto y me gustó mucho
| malishamulweli1 chapter 142 . 2/10
wait with all the souls he took including tobirama and hashirama shouldn't he also have their experiences in everything including battles,jutsus and all that
| Alice Scarlett Knabel chapter 17 . 12/28/2023
The Outer Path
| Alice Scarlett Knabel chapter 8 . 12/27/2023
the kage in suna are blood line so it would be temari or kankuro
| bibink729 chapter 37 . 11/28/2023
| Icha Icha Ichiraku chapter 115 . 11/7/2023
Casually bantering Root shinobi goes against the entire point of root shinobi.
| Icha Icha Ichiraku chapter 111 . 11/7/2023
Jiraiya shrugged. "To tell the truth, I don't know. Naruto believes that because Nagato has spent a large portion of his life injured the jutsu returned his body to the state it was most familiar with." He guessed.
This can't be true, otherwise Itachi would have had his Sharingan restored when Naruto used the Jutsu on him because the state his body is most familiar with would have been with his original eyes.
I hope that you re-approach the exposition surrounding the creation of all things jutsu. As it stands now I am quite confused about how Naruto was even able to make those eyes in the first place?
You originally have him doing that utilizing the creation of all things jutsu. Which at the time was fine. It was his work and effort in studying the saved Uchiha eyes that made their creation possible and I thought it made for a fun Narrative exploration of the ability.
However, the ability was never explored after that with the whole kumo thieving arc leaving the reader with the idea that physical items created by the rinnengan can only be used for a prolonged period by someone who also has those eyes.
Only this all seems to change the once we hit the Orochimaru mission in Iwa. There we see him create an extremely powerful sword, with it being heavily heavily implied that he was able to make the sword because he had a specific need.
Both of the circumstances surrounding the creation of these items can't be true. Naruto undertook the creation of eyes for Itachi, not out of need, but out of curiosity. There was never a specific calculated need for Itachi to have those eyes. It was simply a cool back up plan to have around if such a time came to pass, hence their creation prior to Itachi going blind.
The prior narrative surrounding these items was further complicated when we see Naruto let Akimi borrow the sword, and for her to carry it and use it in combat without once mentioning how it drained her Chakara or was burdensome. This heavy chakara draw was a universal concept for these items up until then.
Naruto is for some reason not using an op ability to trick his friends out with upgraded useful gear which they can clearly use without issue.
Naruto should not have been able to create the Uzugan in the first place, and Akimi should have not been able to use the sword except for like 10 minutes or something.
| Icha Icha Ichiraku chapter 103 . 11/7/2023
Chapter 71 Itachi:
"I messed up." Itachi admitted bitterly.
"What do you mean Itachi-sensei?" Naruto asked.
"I took my time and rather than finish off my opponents I toyed with them..."
Chapter 103 Itachi:
Toys with Kisame instead of finishing him off...
For someone who wants to grow beyond his Uchiha arrogance Itachi is such an arrogant little shit in battle. Where is the cold calculated efficient ninja he is supposed to be? This Itachi literally stepped into this fight saw a dead Zabuza and said "yeah lets play some games for fun"
Itachi needs to either actually learn his lesson and start killing his enemies when they are known dangerous entities rather than toying with them, or he needs to suffer some horrible consequences later down the line for letting this happen all the time.
| Icha Icha Ichiraku chapter 102 . 11/7/2023
The fight between Naruto and Pain is still way to even in my opinion. This shouldn't even be a close fight based on the way the two characters have been billed and presented to us as readers..
There has not been enough exposition about Pain within this story to give the reader a reason to think that he is any stronger than his canon contemporary. Yet, Naruto who is multiple order's of magnitude stronger than his canon contemporary (in this fight) is struggling with the exact same things we see him have issues with in canon.
This is a Naruto who without sage mode is as fast as Akiri with her swift release, who has the ability to move even faster thanks to his 3 element manipulation (so fast that it was described as being equivalent to a teleportation technique...) and yet somehow he still can't close the 5 second gap? Just ridiculous to be honest.
Also probably a hot take here, but I think Fuu should have been captured and had the 7 tails removed. With Zetsu's abilities there is no way they were not using him to monitor a large area of the land of fire searching for the Bijuu, and especially with the invasion planned they would be monitoring the city. I mean the girl walked in through the main gates of the village, surely the Akatsuki are competent to use their spy who can hide in plants and perfectly cloak his chakara to watch the main gate of a village literally surrounded by trees... (still can't understand how they didn't know Fuu was in the village)
So yeah, Fuu should 100% have been at least snatched into the Kamui dimension by tobi for later processing. You have made it clear that Tobi has already more or less given up on the Akatsuki and using them to capture the Bijuu, so I can't see a reason not to just pop in and scoop her up.
It would be tragic to have Fuu run away after her emotional breakdown, to only get captured and die, but that's life shit happens. The fall out would also be spectacular. I think it would be wonderful drama to have... Akiri confessing to Naruto that she feels responsible for her death because they fought over him, and for Naruto to then discover that not only did everyone else know about the love triangle, but actively made it worse by betting on it, dragging it out, and viewing it as a thing to be amused by, rather than something to help the emotionally vulnerable girl understand at the beginning. I don't want to cause in fighting within the group, but I do think that it would add some spicy tension to the story and force Naruto/Akiri and Naruto/Yoinokuchi(Various) to undergo some interpersonal character dev, on top of everything else the whole Konoha attack arc is going to dig up.
| Icha Icha Ichiraku chapter 88 . 11/6/2023
I have been super amused by the Fuu/Akimi/Naruto love drama, but ... everyone really did Fuu like super fucking dirty and they should all feel really really bad.
Like, this is a child who had the social development of a literal trained attack dog. She is in no way equipped to manage the emotions and feelings she is going to have for Naruto as her literal savior, on top of everything else, and no one took her to the side to explain that getting attached to him so heavily (especially with Akimi already having a strong foundational relationship and a known interest) was only going to lead to heart ache. Every single person in her life (that Fuu looks to for support) either was similarly clueless to these sorts of emotions and the impact this sort of jilting might have (Garra, Naruto), was in direct opposition to her for attention (Akimi), or was betting on her and willfully threw her healthy emotional development under the bus (Akaru, Haku, Zabuza, Jiraiya, Itachi)... The woman never stood a chance.
Makes for a fun story tho lol...
| Icha Icha Ichiraku chapter 82 . 11/6/2023
I love this chapter. The Iwa arc has been really well done. The pacing of this story is fantastic. Across all the arcs. You do a great job of hitting the right balance of action, world building, and conversational character development. I didn’t go into the Iwa arc with many expectations, but I fear that now I’ll measure all future fanfics against this one. Naruto takes an educational field trip to the Iwa Elementary school as a maybe enemy of the state is just an amazing idea.
| Icha Icha Ichiraku chapter 71 . 11/6/2023
This is not intended to be a criticism - More an AU for this arc with the intent to arrive at the same destination.
How to fix this arc and keep the same 'outcome' - in my opinion - if you were to do a major edit.
Orochimaru / Water Country discover the Sanbi. Orochimaru sends the same group, Water country sends a team along with Ao to secure the beast and guard it (if it can't be sealed) until word can get to Jiraiya to assist in sealing the beast in a new host. Water country alerts Jiraiya but its a bit delayed since they don't have a super great channel of open communication. Jiraiya alerts his team, and also sends notice to Konoha via frog.
The water country shinobi arrive first, and are noticed by Zetsu/Tobi who are monitoring the island (as we saw previously) and they alert the Akatsuki. The water country shinobi prep the site and make an attempt at contact/capture for sealing with the Sanbi truly waking it for the first time. At this point the contingent from Orochimaru arrives and we get open combat. Orochimaru's forces put up more of a fight than expected and seem to have the advantage. We get a chance to see Sasuke's development, Kabuto and Guren do some stuff against Ao and whoever else Kiri sent, and then the Konoha ninja can show up in time to save Ao and the remaining water ninja.
As the Konoha ninja throw themselves at the water ninja to protect the Sanbi for Kiri. Sasuke could have a moment fighting the other Konoha rookies, which would be a cool opprotunity for exposition showcasing their abilities. Sasuke already somewhat tired from the fight against the body of the kiri forces would be pushed, but ultimately still emerge victorious. I would like to see there be injuries on both sides, but nothing too major leaving them winded but not down entirely for the next phase of the fight.
Simultaneously to the fight with sasuke and the rookies. The fight for the Sanbi should swing in the Konoha direction. Gai/Kakashi would dominate Kabuto and Guren, which would leave Tenzo free to aid Ao and pull people to shizune and sakura for healing, before Tenzo ultimately turns his attention to using wood release to contain the Sanbi.
It would be during this conflict that the Akatsuki teams would arrive hard and fast immediately taking command of the field. Kisame engages into the fight with Kakashi/Gai/Kabuto/Guren blitzing them with a large scale water jutsu pushing them away from the Sanbi. Hiruko would engage with the Konoha babies and Sasuke blitzing Sasuke fully intending to defeat him and steal his eyes for his own. Konan would engage Tenzo driving his attention away from the Sanbi while at the same time Pain would use his gravity jutsu to crush the sanbi, and whatever restraints Tenzo had employed.
In the resulting chaos we would see Kabuto and Guren abandon the fight with Kisame/Gai/Kakashi with the intent to save Orochimaru's Next body (sasuke lol) and flee the field.
There is a short (like snatch grab and run) fight with Hiruko/Sasuke/Guren/Kabuto that ends with Sasuke heavily injured and in need of medical attention while being carried away to safety. During this the Konoha rookies retreat to Sakura and Shizune to heal up and regroup.
The fight with Gai/Kisame/Kakashi unfolds with kakashi and kisame trading some big jutsu at first, then Gai engaging Kisame close up. Before Kakashi could join Gai Hiruko would swift release himself into the fight engaging Kakashi 1 on 1.
Konan and Tenzo would be evenly matched. With Konan's mobility and range being hard for Tenzo to deal with, and with Tenzo's superior defensive abilities being difficult to penetrate. Ultimately Tenzo would lose the fight, as Konan succeeds in keeping him away from the Sanbi and Pain long enough for things to finish up.
After pain obliterates the bindings on the Sanbi he immediately moves to start stabbing the beast with Chakara rods to facilitate summoning the beast away.
Naruto and company arrive via the sky divebombing down to the island just in time to see the last of the chakara rods impaling the Sanbi and for it to be teleported away. Pain orders a retreat for the Akatsuki with the retrieval of the tailed beast, and uses his Paths to engage into Kakashi's, Tenzo's, and Gai's fights to allow his allies the freedom to get summoned away. The 3 remaining Path's of Pain would move to engage the just arrived "nightfall". Queue mocking speech, some Rinnegan trash talk, and after all his allies are summoned away Pain offers to "teach" Naruto the true power of a god and uses Shinra Tensi to crush the entire island burying it under the sea.
You would lose the fight with Sasuke and Itachi, but I think that its not impossible for Sasuke to have the same angsty "i am not strong enough" bullshit from Hiruko kicking his ass so completely allowing for the ensuing conversation between Zetsu/Tobi/Sasuke to have some bigger impact and more interesting reveals with the whole "oh didn't you know Itachi does not have a Sharingan anymore" thing. I think it would drive him NUTS to hear it from someone else instead of seeing the new eyes for his own. Sasuke would end up in the same spot information wise, and it would build more tension between Sasuke and Itachi while also allowing the reader to separately digest Sasuke directly encountering Konoha (sakura really), and Sasuke directly encountering Itachi, both of which are at least marginally important for Sasuke's character dev despite him being a super teme in this story lol.
You also gain a lot. You can have the same feeling of loss and power shock that will likely be coming to naruto in the following chapters, but you do this while having a clean platform to elevate Pain's power (erasing an entire island from existence is quite the feat, especially if you follow it to the natural conclusion of their being tidal waves hitting coastal areas of water and fire country causing more devastation) in your AU from that of Canon making this whole arc end with roughly the same narrative footing, while sidestepping having Pain and Naruto have their confrontation so soon.
| Icha Icha Ichiraku chapter 70 . 11/6/2023
Itachi in this story - I killed my entire clan because they were arrogant and thought they were better than everyone. Now that I have new eye's and have evolved beyond I will never do the same.
Also Itachi in this chapter - Despite his apparent dominance Itachi had yet to attempt an attack on the pair.
"Something is off here, why don't you attack?" Konan finally asked.
"There is no point, a victory here serves me no purpose when I can simply tire you both out, I will be able to defeat you without wasting energy in attacking" Itachi explained.
This straight up makes no sense. Itachi should just destroy them and go help Naruto. The decision to have him do and say the things he does at that part of the chapter go directly against the kind of character you have built him up to be in this story. It appears additionally egregious when you take into consideration that Akaru JUST died like very very recently at the hands of the Akatsuki.
| Icha Icha Ichiraku chapter 69 . 11/6/2023
This review is largely pointless as the story is finished and over, however I heavily disagree with the overall tone the narrative sets when establishing the battle ground for the coming fight between Naruto and Pain. There are a number of large factors both from your narrative and the story of canon that would make this fight seem WAY more skewed in the favor of Naruto and co, than what you have written would seem to indicate.
One aspect of this story that has been consistent throughout is the highlighting of important character development that runs against the expectation of canon. This has been very well delivered, and there seems to always be a good level of consideration taken into exactly how these changes are communicated. Within that space, there has been little in the way of exposition that would lead me as a reader to believe that the Pain of your story is different in terms of power and ability than the Pain of canon. In fact your Pain has been shown to be equally as self-aggrandizing, and ironically ignorant of his own fragility (like the man is just a Chakara battery held together by a machine), as the Pain of canon.
When you line that up with the development we have seen from Naruto, and the narrative scaling you have done to highlight exactly how much more powerful he is due to his new eyes, the fight is already weighted HEAVILY in the advantage of Naruto and co. This is true even when you take into consideration other aspects important to the fight, such as information on opponents battle capabilities, and the terrain the fight happens in.
Looking first at terrain, there is little in the way of important difference here. In canon, the fight happens in the desolation following the flattening of the village. Just a wide open space. Here the fight happens on a small island, but more specifically over a large lake. While water and earth are clearly not the same, the generalized setting of a large open space still holds. Nothing about the location of the battle would make me think Pain should have any advantage as compared to his canon self.
Next looking at information. One of the biggest advantages Pain had going into the fight with Naruto during Canon was the lack of information Naruto had on his abilities with the Rinnegan. Here that advantage should be completely eliminated, and should swing the fight directly into Naruto's favor as compared to canon.
Ultimately this is really the first time within this story's narrative that, as a reader, i felt there has been a direct dissonance between the information I have been presented and teased with, and the internal monologues and thoughts of the characters as they analyze a situation. While I understand the narrative need to have someone in opposition to Naruto, I don't think that there has been any realistic reason for a reader to believe Pain can offer that opposition at this point in time. Especially when we take into consideration that Naruto pre 3-year timeskip (he beat the 3-tail Kage in open combat...), was already stonger than the Naruto we see returning from the 3-year timeskip in canon. AND The 3 year training trip only made him even stronger...
Regardless, I hope that I am proven wrong in the next few chapters and Naruto and co don't somehow lose this fight...
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