Reviews for The Last Days of Lauro de Sica
gwenjm chapter 14 . 9/8/2013
I loved it. Haunting, and powerful. I thought chapters 11-12 post zero were fast - the new characters and the changing points of view took a second to follow. But, I doubt that was an issue for those familiar with this universe. I definitely wanted more chapters to learn more about the afterlife. A great read. I really enjoyed your story.
gwenjm chapter 2 . 9/8/2013
I've started to read fics outside of my fandom to learn how other writers handle world building. So far, this fic is a phenomenal story to learn from. For me, an impressive thing is how you've attached so many emotions/themes to the rifle: love, desperation, hopelessness, honor, rage, to name a few. With that one device, I think I get Elsa and her circumstances, and I've never even heard of Gunslinger Girl. I also liked learning more about Elsa and the broader world she endures in chapter 2, a scene she isn't even in. Great suspense, too. I'll look forward to reading on. Thanks for this fic.
Chronic Guardian chapter 13 . 3/23/2013
What an interesting approach... as the ripples move outward we trace them back to reflect on the initial point of contact. One continuous frame around the two bullets that aroused questions long unthought. One almost forgets the origin altogether and is simply lost in the aftereffects.

It hardly needs to be said, but you've really nailed the dynamics of each of the fratelli. The unassuming insight of the cyborgs is difficult to portray, and I think it really came out nicely throughout this story. The last section of this chapter uses it as a great foil to show that just as Jean and Jose have changed irreversibly, Henrietta (and the rest of the cyborgs) have as well.

You well countered my last grammatical comment but since I'm a glutton for punishment I've another one: Day PLUS 3, Section 2, Last Paragraph, Sentence 4: "If you have questions that need answered, talk to me."
Mayhaps I've simply not listened to the right colloquial conversation, but I'd think it either to be "questions that need to be answered" or "questions that need answers".

I must say, I admire your ability to interweave internal dialogue(monologue?) and external dialogue smoothly. That, coupled with your credible seeming base, and the characters really come to life. I think it would be interesting if you wrote something similar concerning Bernardo and Beatrice, how they met, how they fit into the SWA, etc, since you appear to be wonderful with expansion and those are two that seem like they would be interesting to expand (and a whole fresh angle to show off your writing prowess, besides).

You're also a master of saying what needs to be said and holding your peace when it is most beneficial. Not spelling everything out leaves lots of room for reader reflection, but you're not so vague that I felt myself constantly groping for the inferred connections. A grasp of this balance is particularly powerful given the GSG setting.

From an author's perspective, I'd say that this is a very enjoyable read. Thank you for writing, may your future pursuits go even better (since stagnation is disappointing even at high levels of achievement).
Chronic Guardian chapter 4 . 2/1/2013
Most intriguing indeed. I dare say you've done a nice job of filling in the cracks to cement the story together. Isn't it a wonder that two characters who are only seen alive once in a flashback in the manga have become so thought after in fandom?

Wonderments aside, I like your descriptions and narratives. They give the story a full but self contained feel as they address periphery instances but focus in on the central component. Not an easy balancing act in my humble opinion.

On the negative side, I have but one small note so far:
In the last paragraph of chapter four, Ferro says "Still. I don't know whether it's cause or effect, but it's no coincidence none of those men has found a grown woman to love."
When dealing with multiple subjects (men) generally "has" is replaced with "have". Unless, of course, I am missing the grammatical structure, which could be entirely possible.

You string together your chapters through compelling thoughts rather than compelling actions. I find this both palatable and skilled. If I finish this story, mayhaps I will have more to say; but for now I am, and likely still will be, impressed with the weave you have wrought.
Violent Idiot chapter 14 . 1/30/2013
That made me cry.
So Elsa gets what she deserves, even though I feel that this transitional Lauro is like a fragment of his soul. It's still bittersweet and I appreciate that.
YukiNoSamurai chapter 14 . 1/17/2013
I forgot to login, but I was excited to read the last couple chapters. So the review for chapter 13 is anonymous, but it is me. This is YukiNoSamurai by the way, keeping my word to finishing Lauro de Sica! This chapter was kawaii. I use kawaii because I find it adorable beyond belief. It makes me wish for more, yet it seems just right with what you have. Wanting more, yet satisfied at how they ended up. It was quite touching, seeing Lauro not having to hold any boundaries and be back to his old self, now that they were in another world, and Elsa was no longer a cyborg or "tool". It was like Elsa's dream come true, and Lauro was surprisingly not upset. Interesting. It seems like they are both content. I really enjoyed this! I'm actually imaging them being together and being happy with one another in their world of snow. ] Very nice story! Very long, and although a year or two old, it's still very good, and you worked hard on it!
Guest chapter 13 . 1/17/2013
I love Fermi! He was great! The vacation was one of my favorite moments so I really liked it. I kind of guessed who the surprise visitor was for Fermi. Also, I liked Hilshire's protectiveness over Triela. Fermi seemed to have made a bond of sorts that confirms he is on good terms with Section Two, and unlike his Section One coworkers. The scene with Triela and Hilshire was interesting. They had talk about their families and Triela's dreams/memories, and Triela suddenly announces Hilshire should tell her if he falls in love. The ending quote was nice, in a metaphoric way their bonds are similar to a marriage because it seems very unlikely that either would be able to part from the other.
YukiNoSamurai chapter 12 . 1/9/2013
Good chapter! I'm loving Pietro, and of course Hilshire (who wouldn't)? The discussions are always so deep! I can't say that I dislike anyone or any of it. I'm always impressed with your ideas.
YukiNoSamurai chapter 11 . 1/7/2013
I absolutely love this one! Interesting videos of Elsa, a very intriguing talk between Claes and Pietro. Question: Is Rico really the least conditioned one of all of them? I remember at some point there was a flashback of her memories and she spoke of her father once, but because of her devotion to Jean I thought he wanted her condition a lot. I never took notice to that she may be otherwise. I just loved the Claes time here, and I also like the Triela and Pietro conversations, he seems really positive towards her.
YukiNoSamurai chapter 9 . 1/7/2013
Very nice! Nicely written! Henrietta had some really strong unconscious jealousy rising. I felt like if the womane wouldn't have excused themselves that she would have blown up. Such a contrast, Elsa and Henrietta comparing their handlers. The fratello without emotions and the ones who still bear them.
YukiNoSamurai chapter 8 . 1/7/2013
Again, a very detailed chapter. Even the part about chess, which I've never played. Was very detailed. I thought it was a good idea that Elsa was stubborn on getting her arms checked just because it might cause a couple days inconvenience. Funny thing, I kind of knew Lauro was having a dream when it first began because Elsa's words were so blunt, it seemed like he would panic if she said something like that to him.
YukiNoSamurai chapter 7 . 1/7/2013
Poor Ange! Aww, Rico was very happy at Jean's not so cold demeanor when she broke the record. Very cute. People are being so cunning against the cyborgs. A good look at several scenes.
YukiNoSamurai chapter 6 . 1/7/2013
Lauro sure is one stubborn mule. Extremely stubborn to want to have any sort of human attachment to Elsa. A harsh description of the death. I found it interesting that the cop was able to make it past Elsa and to Lauro. Lauro seems to dislike Elsa's eyes. Maybe they make him feel guilty? Or enchanted and loose his senses? Hmm.
YukiNoSamurai chapter 5 . 1/7/2013
I enjoyed how you delved into the misconception and biases against cyborgs here. With the Section 1 assuming she was a tool with no feelings, and not the least bit humans, and assumed they could talk without her reacting. I also think Triela's looks can be a disadvantage for her in situations like this because she is attractive and does look the most mature with her tall slender body and long hair. I also enjoyed Triela's growing curiosity of Hilshire's apartment, I was drawn in by it I actually forgot where Triela originally was until I was brought back. The description was really nice by the way!
YukiNoSamurai chapter 4 . 1/6/2013
Very nice! I found Elsa's jealousy humorous, but at the same time felt bad for her. Claes was rather cruel. I love Pri and Ferro's conversation on the opinions of the handlers. Lauro's was the most entertaining. Such deep, meaningful chapters!
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