|Reviews for I have a sister and she did what|
| gurnius chapter 1 . 10/13/2011
Oh dear, how to review this... The words "predictable", "MarySue", and "unoriginal" come to mind. Just from reading your summary you can see where this story will be heading. However, your chapter is so short; you can not get any bearing on the characters involved. Of course Muraki has to have his victim tied and bleeding in an upright bed- after all we all saw that in the manga and the series. You would think he would be more inventive. Muraki is anything but predictable and he wouldn't deign to repeat a torture device nor would he be spouting out words that he once told Hisoka. Having your MarySue be Tsuzuki's unmentioned sister- complete with demon/amethyst eyes- is stretching things a bit too far to be believable. The sister mentioned in the manga/anime did not have his colored eyes and was killed. He always said it was just him and his sister -note: singular- against the village they lived in. Unless you can produce a VERY valid history for this character I would recommend not continuing this story until you have done more research into YnM.
I fear I must agree whole-heartedly with the previous reviewer. The whole crux of the manga/anime is gay oriented. Female characters, unless they are peripheral, do not last long in the YnM universe or are used as props. You will have a very small (if any) fan base for your story. The readers and fans will almost always gravitate to male-male pairings. It is after all what the fandom is based on.
| Orange Sky Yellow Sun chapter 1 . 10/13/2011
Hmmm... well, there isn't much to talk about in this chapter. Mostly because there isn't even a hundred words in it... Which makes the fact that you managed to switch from present to past (and back) at least three times most astonishing.
I'm going to be honest with you. Personally, I dislike the OC romances in 99,9% of cases, and this is no exception. Mostly because it is very predictable and I can pretty much guess where the plot is going to head from here. Not to mention that your character is most likely a Sue, even though it's hard to tell from such a short chapter.
Also, I got the impression (maybe an unjust one) that Yami no Matsuei pretty much despises the female OCs because of, well, the specifics of the show. Meaning that a story like this is going to be very unwelcomed here, and you are going to be flamed a lot for it. Just saying.
On the plus side, you capitalize and you have good spelling, (even though you miss or add some commas), which is the reason I'm even reviewing these one hundred words in the first place. Please, think through what you are writing and, most importantly, posting...
I'm not going to lie to you and say that I will continue reading - as I've already mentioned, I despise most OC romance I read - but I don't mean to discourage you either. If I don't like something it doesn't mean it's crap... but you do have a lot, a lot to learn. Find a beta, take the Litmus test, work at your grammar and add detail - in other words, put more effort into what you are doing, and it will be repaid sooner or later.
Good luck and have a good day.
| Phreedom chapter 1 . 10/5/2011
OMG ! Worst pice of crap i've ever read! plz plz MarySue do not continue ! Or better- remove it!