|Reviews for DragonFire|
| Blaine H chapter 1 . 3/19/2015
I believe you will be a great writer. Keep it up.
| J. D. Dunsany chapter 1 . 3/30/2012
The first problem any potential reader of your story faces is the lack of paragraphs. Change of scene/subject/perspective/time/speaker - you need a paragraph break. There are bits of this that I like - the dialogue (both internal and spoken) works quite well, but some of the action is a bit confused. You could do with varying sentence lengths etc.
I'll do you a deal. Re-format it and re-post it so that it's in paragraphs and I'll give you a more detailed critique. (I'm an English teacher by profession, so you might find it useful.)
You've got potential, but there's some work to be done here.