Reviews for House of Cards
ShunKickShunKers chapter 4 . 11/10/2011
Loved it :3 and Lisbon buying Jane a little Rupert...so cute x3 Write more soon!
MissDonnie chapter 4 . 11/8/2011
this was so great...the emotions in it, wow...thank you for sharing with us
piratemonkey06 chapter 4 . 11/8/2011
This chapter was just like Rupert Bear - soft and cuddly and reassuring! Brought a smile to my face :D (Well, the end of it brought said smile: the utter pain and tragedy displayed in this story DOES NOT evoke, first and foremost, displays of happiness. Well written!)

I quite enjoy your style of writing; I especially love your take on Lisbon and how you so obviously relate to the character - so much emotional analysis. You do angst/hurt/comfort/tragedy very well.

Keep going! I would love to see some sort of sequel to this in the future - keep up the good work!

Also, for the love of Santa, please tell me that somewhere out there, displayed on a shelf, pride of place in some lucky shop somewhere in the world, is a stuffed bear with a 'little mock wool jacket and toggle buttons, checkered scarf and galoshes... the quintessential Rupert bear plush, complete with even a satchel bag' that you based the 'story' bear on. Because I suddenly know exactly what I want for Christmas.

Yours in hope,

piratemonkey06
MerriWyllow chapter 4 . 11/8/2011
Aw, poor Rigsby. He's seen a lot of ugliness in this world, but nothing that would prepare him for that kind of evil and how it can twist a person. It's still easier to think in black and white.

The careful, precise way both Lisbon and Jane's emotions are laid out here is such a big part of how perilously lovely this story is.
klcarr892 chapter 4 . 11/8/2011
Thank you for restoring my childhood memories of Rupert the bear :o) I had one as a kid but only recently remembered after watching paranormal activity 3 of all things. Made Rutbert out to be creepy :o( but thankfully, with your image of a broken Jane treasuring the bear, wiped away all the creepiness. Loved this and glad it ended on such a hopeful note but I'm very much in favor of a revisit in the future. Well done.
xanderseye chapter 4 . 11/8/2011
Wow, what a chapter, I actually had tears in my eyes when I read this, I do hope you return to this at some stage, as eager as I am for updates on your other fics I love this one too.
Anna chapter 3 . 11/6/2011
P.S.: His brother John is Red John, isn't he? Would explain the DNA-material. Please update soon!
Gone2Far chapter 3 . 11/5/2011
As always, your writing is masterful; painful and beautiful. I find that I cannot even read it when I don't feel centered enough to do so - it's that intense. Wonderful work.
The Flaming Dragonfly chapter 3 . 11/5/2011
Jane sniffles. "Bergamot?," he asks with some faint dash of hope that makes me want to grin. For Jane, bergamot tea is so basic a comfort that it would be almost equivalent to most people being given a roll of toilet paper if they needed to use the washroom.

I think he even likened a good cup of bergamot tea to a hug, once.

Such love for this quote. You have taken so many elements from the show and incorporated them into your story. I seriously cannot wait for your next installment.
The Flaming Dragonfly chapter 2 . 11/5/2011
Elfie is third,

Wolfy is second.

But I am Red,

and

Red came first.

This sends chills every time I read it. This chapter is phenomenal. I have no other words for it. Incredible.
The Flaming Dragonfly chapter 1 . 11/5/2011
I'm an idiot. I read this some time ago, was blown away, but didn't review. Well, I'm reading again, and I won't make the same mistake. This is absolutely incredible writing. I have heard of the theory of Jane being Red John, and like you I don't want it to be true, but your version-wow. I could totally see this happening.
Anna chapter 3 . 11/5/2011
You write sooo amazing, it's unbelievable! You made me cry. I am glad, Jane is not Red John. Can't wait for more!
MissDonnie chapter 3 . 11/5/2011
all I can say is wow...such great writing...and you make us the readers feel the pain that Jane is going through...
deeleigh chapter 3 . 11/5/2011
My heart cannot handle this fix at all, and yet, here I am! It's so...crushing. So horrible and breaking, Heavy. Masterfully written, certainly. It's hard to write something like this, I imagine. And you've done it quite well from both perspective.

Truly an excellent job.

Can't wait for an update!

Also, good like on your NaNowriMo!
Cyning chapter 1 . 11/4/2011
You use entirely too many ellipses.

An ellipsis, as I'm sure you are aware, is a series of three periods representing an omission of words, such as a pause, or to let a thought go unfinished.

There are 121 ellipses in the first chapter, about 99 in the second, and 73 in the third. That is an unreasonable amount. I'm a bit speechless at the number, really, because why in the world would you need so many ellipses in the first place?

It gets...very hard to...read...with so many...ellipses...clogging up what would...be an otherwise...exquisite...story...

The plot is very interesting, I do love Jane out of his mind, and you really are a talented writer. The language is used well, constructing an excellent visual as well as emotional base. But this is very hard to see through all the ellipses. The language flows beautifully in paragraphs without them. Thoughts drift into one each other and the picture they create is very grounding.

I understand the majority of the ellipses are used in speech, seeing as talking in this story is somewhat difficult (the subject of conversation, I mean. Also, Jane is, indeed, crazy, so his thoughts would be most jolting and speech difficult) but there has got to be another way to represent this. Perhaps omit the repeated words all together because in many places they are unneeded and make the writing sluggish. You could use hyphens for interruptions or cut off or unfinished parts of speech. Even something like ( "Xxx xxxx xxx," he paused. "Xxxxx." ) in place of ( "Xxx xxxx xxx...xxxxx..." )

Another tip: try reading the dialogue out loud, with the pauses and ellipses. It sounds...really weird...don't you...think...?

On an unrelated note, have you tried splitting the chapters into shorter segments? I understand it can be a challenge to break up thoughts neatly, but to read seven thousand words at once is a bit of a handful.

You are a very gifted writer, the Mentalist fandom is proud to have you as a writer, but I do hope the copious amounts of ellipses are limited to this story.

Because really...who wants...to...read...this?

Best regards,

Dayton.
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