Reviews for WitFit Prompts October 2011
tinkrbe1l3 chapter 16 . 10/21/2011
the pic is what you want it to be. the pic is what is.

lol this was great. a new beginning for Lily and the perfect last line. i really loved the descriptions here because i just came from Vermont and saw farms and barns etc. i had thoughts similar (i want to have a boutique farm and turn it into a B&B lol). so i really connected with her dreams growing. her future feeling promising.
rinabina chapter 16 . 10/20/2011
It's so refreshing to read your prompts that aren't based in a fandom. The care you've taken to describe the barn and the boys and the property is very special. The smells the sounds the sights.

There is a lot of emotion in this entry and not just because of Lily's heartbreak. The excitement of a new life, the possibilities. All very real things.

Beautiful.
rinabina chapter 15 . 10/20/2011
*swoons*

Oh Deb,

This chapter. This chapter, this chapter. The Edward you've created in this "series" has such a beautiful voice in his head. He's good and sweet and kind and loving. I adore him.

I love that you let him have his guy moments but also made him do the right things. You had a lot of humor in here as well as perfect Twilight lines. I loved so much of this chapter.

They just keep getting better and better. I adore this chapter. Thank you!

xx
ConstanC2Rob chapter 16 . 10/20/2011
Excellent! I felt the sense of hope and freedom Lilly felt. I thoroughly enjoyed it!
Ausgirl101 chapter 16 . 10/20/2011
Hey Deb

The encounter between the realtor and Lily reminds me of an encounter between a photographer and a blogger ... doo dee doo.

I love barns.

I also love young boys (platonically Deb, PLATONICALLY). Don’t have one of my own - have a stepson and I’ve taught lots of them at school. Labradors. So many similarities. If you don’t take them for a good, long run every day - they are completely unmanageable.

You may have written my secret dream escape life.

This was moving and ultimately uplifting. It was all in how you look at it.

Well done.
tinkrbe1l3 chapter 15 . 10/20/2011
i think this is my favorite prompt from you. you already know this 'ward is leading the charge. he's being developed more than the others so that's not a surprise that he stands out above the rest. but this post was just...perfect. everything about it for me was perfect. i can't wait to talk about it on Sunday.

thanks for giving more answers to the original cliffy in Advice. i hope this doesnt mean you're only leaving the characters in this WitFit challenge. Namelessward is branded in my soul now.
abinar chapter 15 . 10/20/2011
Awww. Such a good guy. Glad to see these two again.
ConstanC2Rob chapter 15 . 10/19/2011
I love it. I was so hoping they would come back where they left off!

Gawd, he is such a babe!
Ausgirl101 chapter 14 . 10/19/2011
Deb

Firstly, I love that you did this as a third person narrative. All this SM/Twi inspired first person business is starting to bore me. It’s so refreshing to be able to reveal what a character is feeling exactly when you want to reveal it and not worry about BPOV / EPOV and so on.

Also ‘She’s glad she chose that as her name this time.’ PING! I literally sat up straighter in my chair at that line. Intrigue Deb, INTRIGUE. What’s the secrecy? What is she running / hiding from? I wanna know! Yet another of these stories that you MUST pursue.

Lastly, I snorted at the image of Edward being flanked by ‘self-satisfied sneer’ and ‘pock-marked piggy’ - it was SUCH a Malfoy moment!

Great work Deb. I’m so envious that you are able to churn out such varied and quality ideas day after day.
Ausgirl101 chapter 15 . 10/19/2011
I don’t know about doing ‘Dallas’ but Debbie does tender very, very well.

This guy. This guy? He’s BreakingMyHeartWard. He’s TenderWard. He’s UnrequitedWard. He’s KILLING me. KILLING ME DEB!

All the wanting and the loving and the fear and anxiety. The agony and the (not so much) ecstasy. Good Lord.

I know that you have, very intentionally, not let us into Bella’s head - but she CAN’T be this indifferent to him, can she Deb? CAN SHE?

I want to unzip my 40-something body to reveal my 17 year old self and say ‘C’mere baby’ #nojoke.

I love him for pulling away. I want him to go back to her. I love him for not going back to her.

This story makes me feel a lot of hormonal teenage angst - in a good way - kind of - sort of.

YOU MUST TAKE THIS STORY TO ITS LOGICAL (C’MON!) CONCLUSION, Okay?
Whitbysucks chapter 12 . 10/19/2011
Some jobs just suck the life right out of you.

This took me a bit to feel creeped out even with the maids' fear, but when creepy set in *shudder*
rinabina chapter 14 . 10/19/2011
Texans are liars. Just ask my friend. (Jk, she's not a liar, and I don't know if Texans really are...lol) I like this set up. You really have the flow of the diner down. It was such a smooth transition into this setting, I'm really impressed.

I like that she gave him pie. :) I also like that she took the other bills. I always get a little tingle when Edward says "Fuck off." j/s

How funny that you and T both did third person POV today. You guys are sharing brainwaves for sure.

I enjoyed this. I like the slow build. Will we meet them again?

xx
tinkrbe1l3 chapter 14 . 10/19/2011
you know we're freaky AGAIN. i can't even.

you told me your plans with this story and now im going to insist on more since you left it hanging like that. i wanna know her trufs!

great description of those guys Eric and Tyler. i saw them instantly. and i liked the words you used to describe Bella at the end. i saw that clearly as well :) pretty cool for someone who's described all day, every day.
rinabina chapter 13 . 10/18/2011
Deb, I LOVE this entry. (i say that every time, but I mean it!)

I really like the structure of this chapter and how you have the time count down. The sentiment behind her motivation for exercising is so hilarious. There's a lot of good one liners.

"I run. Kind of slowly."

"Press stop. Do it. Stop the insanity!"

I wasn't expecting Edward to be in this, actually. Or...well...not even Edward but a DUDE. I really liked how you described him. Especially the wanting to mother him and...you know. :)

Well done. This prompt worked well for you!
tinkrbe1l3 chapter 13 . 10/18/2011
LMFAO! perfect. perfect last line. made the whole piece exceptional.

this reminded me of my Grudgella tho i liked ur set up better and the comedy you used. crap crap crap then suddenly everything shifts. Edward. and all is right in the world.

i need you to talk to me about the irony on sunday. i really loved this. i can't wait to talk about it because i need to rave more than my fingers can handle at the moment. definitely specific elements that i want to praise and discuss.
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