|Reviews for A Seat Above A Galaxy|
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/24/2013
art/Lx-R-perhaps-something-more-421858934 it's really awesome :3 i made this cover for it haha but it might be not that good
| Kenta Raikiri chapter 1 . 10/26/2012
Kenta: Oh wow! I'm actually quite impressed! It was indeed confusing at moments, but it all made sense in the end.
I write LuigiXRosalina stories myself, two of the other seven on here, and let me say that that is a pitiful number for LuigiXRosalina stories...
Anyway, I really like the idea of 'lonely-ness' you portrayed, as it reminds me of my story '2 lonely stars'.
I really wish I was better at writing, to where I could describe scenarios with more words than the limited amount of words I use now. But whenever I write, I become increasingly aware of time, and it always gets me frustrated. The amount of words, and more importantly the way you used them, really impacted me. It was really inspiring! I hope to continue reading your stories!
| Yoshistar231 chapter 1 . 10/24/2012
Wow this is so amazing! I LOVE THIS COUPLE! 3
| Tune4Toons chapter 1 . 9/30/2012
Here we are, another one of your infamous thought-provokers ;) (so sorry I'm late, but here we go!). It's a different light we get to see Luigi in; not that usual second banana who gets jealous of his brother or too reserved or any of the usual characterisations you get. No, we get Luigi, guy with thoughts, and a lot more like his own independent individual. (And him jumping off the observatory? Giving him a bolder touch, are ya? XD) Rosalina, she's an interesting one too; that somewhat of a lonely feel you have such a strong draw to is there from the books and her actions; she can be so awkward yet not all at the same time haha. (Especially the love line, gila it's like she's confident [or oblivious to how awkward of a topic love is to bring up haha]. Reminds me of someone.) This relationship they have, it's so sweet. XD (You probably write some of the best female POVs I've ever seen, goddamn, no wonder this piece is so renowned! But this was an omniscient piece, so it's nice to see we get to see both of their heads.) You touched on a lot of things, like being your own person, life, people you know, people you admire and all. Like two friends suddenly bringing up that subject. It's natural, and that's definitely a huge aspect of that talent of yours, how it's all natural and from your inner self. That star scene where Rosalina mentions how people see things differently: I love the symbolism in it all. Lots of show, not tell. (Slight head tilt—ohey moment. XD) It's always only the technical things I see whenever I read your stuff, so if you're looking for pacing, flow, all that, you're all good and fine. XD Just some moments of slight awkward wording, missing commas for speech tags, but I won't really go into that too much. (Why I haven't read this before, I'll never know.) Cheers!
| Dominus Tenebrosus chapter 1 . 9/29/2012
Anyway, I have to admit, I'm not familiar with the fandom really, outside of perhaps the very first game. So I don't really know the characters outside of this story. That said, I also don't think that matters, because you've characterized them quite well here.
Anyway, I'll start with SPAG issues, because there's just the one, which is:
"causing her to pull a quick 360."
I can't help but think you meant a quick 180 here. Could be wrong, but yeah. Anyway.
I have to say that I thought the following line was hilarious, considering:
"Know that people are more than some dumb stereotype, not one-note characters for a two dimensional play written by a corporate-soaked writer that they call life. A life that isn't real and certainly not a world that I live in."
Anyway, I rather liked this. It's sort of depressing at the onset, but it gets cute real fast. So hey, good job. :D
| Desktop Warrior chapter 1 . 7/1/2012
Good story you've got here, Cam. Before I review, just want to point out that I know nothing about the Mario fandom, so my critique will be general rather than fandom-specific.
Overall, you've done a pretty good job. Your characterization, flow, and atmosphere are well-developed. Aside from the beginning, which was awkwardly phrased, you've kept a steady, natural flow, and finished off strong. More than just strong, Rosalina's confession was smoothly delivered, a perfectly logical continuation from what they were talking about before. In general, Rosalina and Luigi's conversation was very fluid, as though you were describing a real-life scenario. Their concerns were ordinary, and most people would be able to understand their mindsets well. I know I definitely do.
I particularly enjoyed the symbolic role of the stars. I love how you broke the traditional mould of the universe raising the questions of "what is the meaning of life, what is our role here, what's out there," etc. Instead, the stars are used to explain something fundamental, something anyone can relate to: point of view. To Rosalina, the vastness of the universe actually says something about ourselves because each of us views it differently. More than that, her explanation shows that one's own perspective itself is malleable, if they'll just view something from a different angle. Beautiful, inspired analogy. I'm impressed.
I don't have too much in the way of critique, but most of it is technical. I mentioned that the beginning was awkward; this isn't because of lack of writing talent, but because of awkward phrasing. In general, I notice that most of your descriptions outside of conversation are stilted and often too literal. For instance, this sentence:
She sighed, tilting her head so that it was no longer facing beneath her, but so that it was on the grass, looking above instead.
Technically, this is what Rosalina did. But do you see how this sounds too clinical? It has that lab report feel to it. And I know that's not what you're going for. Now, I'm not going to be too hard on you because descriptions are incredibly tricky. It takes a ton of practice to write smooth, flowing descriptions. My advice would be not to think as much about the precise physical actions characters perform, but to look at the image in your head. How do you picture this movement? Remember to be as simple as possible: in cases like these, the reader can picture the exact details in their head.
Finally, the punctuation on some of your dialogue tags is off. I do like how easily it comes to you to put tags in the middle of conversation instead of only afterward. However, in cases like these, you need to finish the dialogue tag with a comma if it's in the middle of a sentence a character says, or if the tag comes before the quote. Like so:
She settled with, "That's… quite a statement."
However, if you have a complete sentence before the quote, this would be right:
Luigi complied. "They… look a bit different. I see what you mean."
See the difference? If you're confused about any of this, feel free to ask me for advice. You already have a feel for conversation, so all you need to work on is the technical stuff.
Again, I enjoyed this piece. Keep it up!
| pixileanin chapter 1 . 7/1/2012
This was a thought-provoking story. The way you handled the subject matter in the dialogue was really good. These characters both seem to be searching for something and by talking with each other, they end up getting closer to helping themselves. I liked the stirring romantic undertone and how you left it there. It made me wonder how long it had been since these two characters had talked, if ever, before. A great read!
| route 1 magikarp chapter 1 . 6/19/2012
thank you, i have been in shit creek for a few weeks now and your story really helped me out :) who knows you might of just saved the ssb page.
| tetekanui chapter 1 . 1/10/2012
Their conversation was utterly thought-provoking, filled with so much intelligent philosophical exploration. I love how both are a little awkward, a little shy...Sometimes your most poignant moments are ones in which neither speaks at all, and we are treated to the beauty of silence, often underrated in fiction. I see a subtext of romance between Luigi and Rosalina, but you are careful not to be overt about it, and they could reasonably be platonic friends too, but deep platonic friends. They seem like they are more comfortable, more "themselves" around each other than around others, although the theme of how to define what is really "oneself," and how perception comes into play is analyzed here in a fascinating way.
It's kind of adorable how Rosalina questions her effectiveness at normal communication. I get the same sense of ageless timelessness from her in this fic that I got in her canon portrayal. She seems so lonely and sad, though, and I wonder how long she has been on the observatory in your fic's universe. And Luigi's reckless thought to use a random sling star and take a chance is also quite adorable. When Luigi spoke about wanting to do something crazy and dangerous, I could relate. I know Rosalina was thinking that he was suicidal, but to me, it didn't sound so much suicidal as just a hunger for adventure and identity and liberation, a normal part of development and growth rather than an existential crisis. (Although, I think Luigi is having one of those as well!) I do like that Luigi kept apologizing to Rosalina at the beginning of the fic and up through near the middle, but as he becomes more comfortable, he just segues into regular unapologetic conversation with her, telling her thoughts that many people have but never find anyone they're comfortable enough with to voice.
This is incredible. The writing, the ideas, and the characterizations - all of it.
| MarioLuigi25 chapter 1 . 12/17/2011
Dude, this story is amazing. It made me feel so much emotions. Luigi wanting to figure out his place in the world and I love how you demonstrated Luigi and Rosalina's closeness _. Bravo my friend. You've truly earned it. This is a story that I can read over and over again and never get tired of. You've worked really hard on this story and it really shows ).
| TruetobeBlue chapter 1 . 11/29/2011
Heh, taking my structure and using it as your own? You little thief!
Kidding of course, I'm sorry this review took so long to come about. I've been very busy, so I'll get straight to the point.
This is a really good story, and even succeeds at being a character study, at least in my eyes. You explore the psyche of Luigi through the eyes of another who he can actually relate to: that key theme of loneliness caused by being who you are. Rosalina was a perfect choice as the confidant, considering her backstory and everything. I doubt Daisy or Peach would have fitted the context of the story nearly as well.
Characterisation was spot-on for the most part, especially Rosalina. Quiet, soft-spoken and kind are key traits of the character, but you make sure to keep the underlying sadness that she seems to possess. You even give her a bit of humor, without it feeling forced at all. Luigi is done pretty well as well, you capture the lack of confidence and his shyness and show it with his dialogue. Speaking of dialogue, I found it to be engaging and though-provoking. Rosalina's lines concerning the stars and who Luigi is are the highlights.
Overall, a very solid piece of work. You continue to write Rosalina extremely well, and I like how you actually used other characters and experimented a bit. Furthermore, it is an honour to see my structure being used in a story you wrote. I can only hope it served you well.
That's all for now. Consider this favourited. :)
| coolnamegoeshere chapter 1 . 11/4/2011
Dear god... Luigi sounds SO much like me in this story, it made me cry... in a good way. I can honestly, and shamefully, say that I feel his pain... but that's why I love this so much. :D
| 1Thunderfire chapter 1 . 10/4/2011
Aww, this is really romantic and sweet. It's nice giving these two a chance for a conversation, especially Luigi since he has to put up with a lot.
| Verran chapter 1 . 10/3/2011
I'm new to fanfic, both here and in general, and in the short time I've spent so far reading stories on this site I am overwhelmed by the richness of character interpretation and development present in some of these fics.
I'll unashamedly admit that Luigi is one of my favourites, so was delighted to spot a new one about him that is so well written. Here, not only have you tackled how misunderstood Luigi feels in a fictional sense, but also the way he is interpreted by the fans.
He's been seen as bitter and jealous, ignored, bullied, taunted; he's been portrayed as cowardly, brave, delicate and strong.
You have encapsulated it all without dwelling on the details, showing us that not even Luigi knows for sure who he really is.
May Nintendo continue to keep him in the shadows, for it has been the very making of his character.
An enjoyable piece, and I see that there are many more you've written. I will definitely seek them out.