|Reviews for Secrecy By Sin|
| Maximilien Robespierre chapter 1 . 8/9/2012
Good story. Very... meditative. Or something. But yeah, I enjoyed it.
| nobodytoo chapter 1 . 8/3/2012
Pride! I think it's pride!
| TechNomaNcer28 chapter 1 . 12/29/2011
Gosh!This was just beautiful!The style in this,the ideas,the emotions and the reluctance to communicate all of their feelings in some way or the other!everything was just gorgeous!
| Queen Nightingale chapter 1 . 10/10/2011
that was fantastic! so underreviewed it is almost painful!
JPLE, your portrayal of Sirius was fantastic. I love the way that you wrote the entire story with no narrative - it carried it brilliantly, in a way that would have been incredibly difficult without.
Most of all, Sirius wants to tell Remus that he was wrong. He wants to tell him that Sirius Black can love, and he thinks, does love. He wants to pour all the stupid fucking emotions out of him and run himself dry, so at least he can get some logical thinking done without being so highly strung on lust and love and other things he just can't say.
And that's the crux of the matter. Sirius can't say any of these things; something sinful stops him.
So June rolls on, and things are lost to the same memories they hide behind.
Absolutely brilliant. Can't even begin to describe how lovely they are. The pain hidden behind the words are so fantastic - you have a way of writing that both detaches the reader from the characters and draws them to you. Wonderful.
| LGSnow chapter 1 . 10/7/2011
First of all, it's pride, yes?
Second of all, this was good. I thought that both the imagery and the attention to detail were well-used and contributed greatly. There are a few things I should point out, however. One is that I'm pretty sure that 'Marauders' needs to be capitalised. In the September section, the description of Lily's hair as "Burnt, red" is a good one, save for the unnecessary comma. I particularly like the description of James growing into his emotions, but I'm not sure whether all-angles is the best descriptive term. In October, the sentence involving the untreated allergy should have its period inside the parentheses. Then, in "The one who Sirius knows, secretly wishes Remus would find an interest in..." you need a comma after 'who' to offset 'Sirius knows.' In the November section, one thing I noticed is that you don't need a comma in your second sentence (after certain). Another is that you use the word 'tries' twice in fairly short succession- in the first sentence and again in the third. This could be intentional, but it comes across as a little bit repetitive. Also, in "forty-year-old problems," I'm not sure you need the first hyphen. In the January section, the nickname 'Snivellus' doesn't have an o in it. At the beginning of February, I don't think you need the comma in "Lily falls in love with James, in February." In the March section, I have a question about word choice- I really do not think that describing it as a 'lifestyle' is right. A more concrete problem with that sentence is the fact that it seems like James is the one who's doing the exploring, not Remus. The reader can figure out that it's Remus, but it doesn't flow quite right. In June, in the sentence "However he realises, in June..." I think that there should be a comma after however and not after realises. When Sirius is described as "The glue to the marauders," I like the imagery, but I'm not sure that 'to' is the preposition you want. In the bit about what Sirius wants to tell Peter, it says "That they see each other at Sirius' flat..." but I think you need another word after 'they,' perhaps 'will.' In the next paragraph, you need a comma before "he thinks," and I'm not sure whether you need one before the 'and' before that or not.
I hope this was helpful. I really enjoyed this story, and look forward to seeing what you write next.
By the way, in your profile, the links to what are presumably meant to be my profile, Queen Nightingale's, and ohsnap it's potter's don't work.
| Someone aka Me chapter 1 . 10/7/2011
This... is absolutely fantastic. Excellent!
I'm feeling pride as the sin, but that may just be because this is Sirius-centric, and I immediately associate Sirius and pride... Am I right?