|Reviews for Lost Legacy|
| UltraMickey chapter 67 . 2/8
IT seems incomplete
| Mallahawk25 chapter 14 . 1/20
It’s understandable that you have mistakes but there is several per chapter even in the remade chapters. Such as grammer or wrong words such as till instead of still. And i would recommend putting the last initial of what miranda your talking about right after Miranda it would help the reader alot. I myself get a little confused when you do that and sorry if theirs misspelled words fantic doesn’t underline misspelled words. Great story so far
| Mr.Smooth0perat0r chapter 1 . 8/3/2017
my only problem was that how could the UNSC population not be in the low trillions since they were able to live indefinitly while being isolated from the rest of the galaxy with the Covenant Sepreatists for a thousand years? the rest of the story is good but thats the only proble that i got. The UNSC should have been able to get that large amount of people and a larger navy since they could live indefinitely and had 1000 years to do so.
| Guest chapter 4 . 8/3/2017
"The two strode through the port, and being cautious at not moving at a too far of pace and making it look like they were there for observation, lest they wanted to stir up some unwanted attention." ...SERIOUSLY!? They're in fucking SERVICE dress! They're fucking fully kitted out in ALIANCE uniform to in vestigate a violent fucking space gang and they're worried that walking too fucking fast is going to draw attention to them!? What the holly fuck is wrong with you? That's it i'm done. I made it through four absurd chapters and i'm tapping out. I just cant continue with this nonsense.
| Guest chapter 3 . 8/3/2017
Hey dipshits... All weapons in the mass effect universe are either energy based or magnetic accelerators! Meaning they shoot fucking lazers or they take TINY-AS-FUCK pellets and accelerate them to near fucking relativistic speeds. What that effectively means is...NO FUCKING SHELLS! So, when you write that "[Chief] used the Typhoon as if it was a sidearm...[and] Spent shells arced in a spectacular fashion before clattering onto the metal deck, as the weapon roared" you make me think you're absolute asshats!
| Guest chapter 2 . 8/3/2017
A large part of what make Master Chief so interesting is the dichotomy between his humanity and his purpose for existing. He is human but he was literally designed, built from the ground up, and trained to be a war machine. It's what makes his interactions with Cortana so damned interesting. The fact that he only ever shows a hint of personality, of actual HUMANITY, when he's around a synthetic existance, a MACHINE. You've taken that away. Your version of the Chief is a horrible joke. Not even remotely believable as Spartan 117.
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/2/2017
This would make for an absolutely fantastic standalone story! However, because i have read the books and played the games i can easily say that i am familiar with both the Halo and Mass Effect universe. It is for that reason only that i have to call ABSOLUTE bullshit! For example, including the Asari in an ancient database along with the Protheansis a pedestrian mistake. Even worse though, is including the Yahg in your little war. The Yahg as a race has the potential to absolutely DECIMATE the Krogan pre hemophage. In large numbers, if they were to br uplifted they would ANIHILATE humanity... Not to mention that they are an insular violent race. Ni way in hell they would ever cooperate with the Brutes who are themselves an insular violrnt race. So, yeah... Bullshit.
| IAmTheCarney chapter 3 . 6/11/2017
Hey, I'm a new reader, but I've had this story bookmarked for a few years, never actually read it until now. Kinda sucks that I missed the original chapters, but I'll trust you and believe that these chapters are better than the originals, and I'm excited for more rewritten chapters to be published. However, I do have a few things you can do better.
First, the Hood journal entries and the small entries you have at the beginning and end of the chapters. Did Hood write his entries or did he narrate them? Are all of the entries from written reports or did some originate in interviews and conversations? The reason why I ask is that there are vast differences in what we write and what we say. I write research papers, but when I present that research, it is vastly different just because of the language that I use and how humans are. Even when I narrate my own notes, it's different than what I write. Humans, for whatever reason, do not have the same formality talking as they do writing. And all of these have the formality of someone writing, yet for reports that are military or scientific, they are not formal either. What Anderson says to Hackett in the little entry at the beginning of Chapter Two, no one would say it like that and no one in the military community would write it like that. It's like a freshman's first two pages of an English course rough draft. It's not right. Might be something to take a look at in the future, if you're planning on using the same method in other stories to get background information in. Personally, I prefer just putting the object in the story and describing it then, rather than outside of the actual story.
Second, Hood is not some teenage kid who is awkward when it comes to talking about himself. He is the Chief of Naval Operations, faced with challenges coming in the aftermath of a war that could have seen Humanity extinct. There is confidence within him, that he kept Humanity alive and that he can face anything. His journal entries to start us off in Chapter One should not feel so forced, like he doesn't know what words to use. He does.
Third, this is about Humanity post-Hammer Down piecing together their history. Were there other survivors of Hammer Downs on other UEG colonies? Did they all die? Did they get evacuated? And the humans making up the Systems Alliance, how did they forget their history and then reach the point they're at? Was all technology ruined when Hammer Down went off, leaving them with only oral stories? Did survivors who remembered everything from before just stay quiet or off themselves? If it was a medieval era, yes, such a Dark Age is possible. But not in a spacefaring age where there were survivors. And then the radiation of a Hammer Down would be very clear in soil samples and pretty much everywhere else. We can look at Caesium-137 and know which layer was topsoil in which year because of atomic/nuclear bombs. The first spike of Cs-137 is 1945.
Fourth, what type of facility were they at during the attack? Was there no outer perimeter? Was the holding areas and interrogations rooms on an outside wall? Surely there had to be some warnings before the Fundies got there. I can understand Hackett being captured in the first moments of the Alliance Colonel's and his fellows' betrayals, but for an armed militia to be able to achieve absolute stealth in the facility? Just no. I can understand a lightning raid, with perimeter guards helping the Fundies get in and hit the internal structures, or something along those lines, but a full achieving of stealth even with heavy weapons being carried?
Fifth and last, you're doing this weird thing where you make regular nouns into pronouns, and then don't follow up with those pronouns. You go from "Batarians" to "batarians", "Interrogation Officer" to "intelligence officer", and other things like that. It's just weird and kind of cringe-worthy reading that. I TA'd a Freshman-level Geoscience course and this reminds me of the first two weeks of lab reports I had to grade. Making pronouns like "Batarians" and "Interrogation Officer" is fine, but stick with whatever principle guides you when you do that, don't alternate. It looks bad. Actually, might it be proper for "Batarians" to be a prounoun? I know "humans" is not a pronoun as it's not a name, since we're "Humanity", but did Bioware ever add anything like that into the universe?
Anyway, I really enjoy the premise and I hope you update another chapter here soon, I'm excited to see the direction you take it in.
| andrewwhiting96 chapter 1 . 4/7/2017
Oooookay, why do you have Fred, Linda, and Kelly here? They died. Unless there is some Forerunner bullshit going on, they were glassed.
| WTF Back again chapter 67 . 3/16/2017
This is why I've never been a fan of fanon...
Fanfiction is fine when it sticks to the basics, but you, you went AWAL the second you wanted to. Too many convolutions, too many shit side quest, and too many "I wish it had happened this way..." Thank you for wasting my time, I wanted you to be better than the rest, yet your story was shittier than most unfinished fics on this sit. This is a perfect example of a moron who's trying to write a fic despite never knowing what cannon is for the fanfic hi/she( because im not sexist) is writing about. Your alternate author was a good distraction, but based on the rest of your shit, I know it was you Andrithir.
| CaptainToast321 chapter 1 . 2/24/2017
Way too long of an info dump. I lost basically all my interest halfway through.
| meep15 chapter 4 . 1/21/2017
are you going to continue the rewrites? i'm confused by the beginning of the chapter, theres a huge between this chapter and the rewrites.
| Rievn chapter 66 . 12/24/2016
Shit ending to a shit story.
Needless to say - I will NOT be reading anything else you write.
| Rievn chapter 61 . 12/24/2016
Resign and let them all fucking die in their own piss and shit.
Fuck these assholes.
| Guest chapter 63 . 8/17/2016