|Reviews for The Book of Marth|
| McJunker chapter 1 . 9/24/2012
Goona be honest here. When I saw the title, and read that Marth was a Judge, I brought in a great deal of connotation that I don't think you intended. I was thinking, like, the Book of Judges in the Bible, where as Israel continually slips into chaotic idolatry, God annoints Judges from among them to lead them back to righteousness.
I was anticipating a story of Marth doing the same for the charcters in Super Smash brothers.
SO TOTALLY NOT WHERE YOU WERE GOING WITH THAT.
Anyway, more than anything I am left with a great deal of questions. Since when is Marth in our world? Where did these Judges come from? How exactly did they gain complete control over countries with strong streaks of individuality, like America (not to mention more guns than people, like america)? Does the resistance already exist, or is Marth aiming to inspire one in the future? Who in the HELL is Sheik, and am I suppose to envision Arabia when I hear the name? Who are the Creators that Marth is supporting? Why did Marth explode himself instead of attempting escape, and how did the Judges know to arrest him in the first place?
I have no way of knowing how much of this is due to ignorance of Super Smash, and how much is meant to be mysterious, and how much is explained later.
I feel that marth's fiery demise could have been a lot more detailed and had more time and space allotted to it. I don't have a clue where he is, what kind of building he's hiding in, why there's a water cooler right there, etc.
Nonetheless, a good piece with themes I can appreciate.
| Guest chapter 2 . 10/21/2011
Beautiful, Cam, beautiful. So glad I finally read something I could review. The longer I stay away from FF, the more disappointed I get with what I see in the archives. Thank God somebody has an imagination, which is a bit ironic due to the story you're writing.
The descriptions and scenes were beautiful, never too long or overdescriptive. I loved all of it and especially Fox. He's always been a favorite character of mine that never really gets the justice he deserves. And I love the idea of him as a human, though it's not a huge deal for me.
However, it wasn't all perfect: at the beginning, you need something to distinguish who's narrating. Perhaps italics, or a line, or something, because it switches from first to third person. Also, her last name...it sounds like the make-up brand, and that's really gonna bother me because I'm annoying like that. I would look into giving her some sort of name that relates to her canon, just to make things a bit neater. Yes, I'm really that picky.
Eh - oh my gosh, I just realized I've been trailing pancake-mix all over the keyboard and through my hair. So much for my attempt at pancakes this morning. XD
Anyway, anyway: so overall I really liked it, and give us something new, Cam. Don't flake out on us, and don't give us something we've seen before. If I start calling the shots before they're even hinted at, we have a problem.
| Verran chapter 2 . 10/21/2011
This story holds much promise and I hope that you will see it through to the end. After reading a number of fics in this section set directly around the gladatorial element of SSB, this is an interesting change in setting, and I look forward to seeing how the previously non-human characters develop in their human form.
A little constructive criticism:
If I hadn't have read 'Strings' I wouldn't have known who Melanthe was - or what character she was originally based on. (Bowser was obvious only by his name) - Perhaps something to think about would be to try and retain some of their original traits in personality in some way so that they're recognisable.
Your writing (as I have always found) is top notch - only a word repetition error in one sentence tripping me up - "Nature meant plants and flowers and providing themselves with food and plants"
| Foxpilot chapter 2 . 10/20/2011
The depth of fear is a catalyst for more than despair. It is the beginning of revolution. But during a revolt, those you trust most can also be your worst enemies.
The Judges have already learned this and have taken steps towards covering their weaknesses. The tendrils of treachery run deep, however, and raw power is only the beginning.
Ah, I remember Malenthe now. Appropriate she shows up near an alternate version of her old friend. Those two are the ones I'm inclined to trust most out of everyone Sheik has introduced so far-and has stayed alive. Of course, it also makes me wonder who dies first.
After the fifth paragraph, I think there should be a transition effect, as you're switching viewpoints from first to third.
Reading this while listening to Zoness from Star Fox 64 3D provides a very strange effect. It's appropriate, but also a bit chilling.
| AvidAkiraReader chapter 2 . 10/20/2011
"There's no feeling like running...provides such a rush..."
Unfortunately Sheik, I feel the exact opposite about running. That's why fantasies are created, so I can dream about flying forever, and running without having to catch my breath after ten seconds.
Because of my horrible skill at spotting mistakes, I could only see one. Right after Sheik's statement of who she is, there should be a line since it's a change of views...right? (Am I even doing this correctly?)
The first few paragraphs are in first person, and then the rest is in third person...so...Gah. I fail at criticism. Anyways, nice job! AAR
| AvidAkiraReader chapter 1 . 10/15/2011
Well Marth, at least you went out in a 'blaze of glory!'
(sorry, about that, I couldn't resist)
It's a great idea really, and it's great for a community like SSB to have.
For that odd writer's block you have, why not start a file titled *blank* and flip through a dictionary every once in a while? I do that a lot...oddly enough.
That or you can start writing drabbles. Drabbles are always fun!
| MouseMaster42 chapter 1 . 10/11/2011
Okay, I'll admit that the reason I picked this fic to read this afternoon was just because I saw the word 'Marth' in the title and I thought to myself, "oh my goodness, MoD wrote something about Marth. This is going to be epic."
You did not disappoint. This was crazy epic. I love totalitarian stories like this one, and the way in which it was presented was well done. By the way, was your secret inspiration 'The Book of Eli?'
Anyway, I'm glad that you're starting to break your writer's block, and I'm really interested as to where this story's going. :) To me it just seems like an outlet for epic (I keep using that word...) lines and such. I'm stealing several quotes from here to put up on my door, and I'm also stealing the last line in Foxpilot's review too. XD Good luck, and have fun with this one! I hope you can keep it up, because it's really promising. You've gotten me excited for this story as well.
| Foxpilot chapter 1 . 10/8/2011
The golden hope arches beyond the horizon; the hordes block the way to peace. Somebody has to carry on the fight, even if it's one person alone.
Let's face it, there'd be no history, no truth, no freedom without art. Taking away expression is literally destroying the planet as we know it. The secret acts of one small group can undo the world if the pressure is applied just right. Perhaps we need that group. Perhaps not. It depends on their final intentions.
The revolution has come, and we aren't ready. Too bad.
In the distance, you can hear the little child singing a happy little song its parents knew years ago. The parents are gone. The child shall join them shortly.
This is not for a personal vendetta. This is to spread the sanctuary of chaos. (Hmm, maybe I should use that as a title sometime...)
I don't think you should have used italics for the entire first half of the chapter, especially since the quote is in italics, too. It's kind of hard on the eyes, and I'm not sure f the quote is separate from the text or part of it.
When the bell tolls, the princess is dead. The king is dethroned and The Fuhrer has lost. The president has been captured, and the Senate has been disbanded. There is only us.