|Reviews for Einherjar Fates|
| Guest chapter 1 . 9/14/2012
Nice... very nice... like it much :)
| Malik Fairworth Armster chapter 2 . 10/13/2011
Very good. I can see the improvement in this one-shot; your narration of the story is much longer and precise, and I notice you really entered the feelings of the characters' mind and simple things like that author's note in the end really show that you are trying hard.
The only thing I can tell you is to give names to your chapters. It's not particularly useful, but when I just see "Chapter 2" it's kinda..boring and doesn't give me an idea of what I am going to read.
Looking forward to the other oneshots :D
| Malik Fairworth Armster chapter 1 . 10/10/2011
I liked the one-shot, you are probably the first person to come up with this, so you get a point for originality.
Next, you captured the characters' personality very well. They could really act this way in the original VP although they are too predictable, but that's fine.
But there are a few things that bother me in this story..
First, I want to tell you that I forgive minor grammatical and orthographical anywhere in the story, but not in the first sentence.
"The sounds of the wind rustling tree branches and leaves and whistled through opened windows sounded..."
Yes, this one. You must have noticed, but it's "whistling" not "whistled". and basically, this sentence means "The sounds...sounded" which doesn't make any sense. Also, it's uselessly long, and I was actually tempted to stop reading the story after this.
Next, comes the dialog. Your dialog needs some life, it's as simple as that. I often see a character in a story saying "..?" you're not writing a manga; if your character shot an interrogating look to his interlocutor, just say so.
It's a nice concept for a story and I'll continue to read the next chapters. I hope you'll write them; many VP writers start off with a good story and then just stop for whatever reason.
Hope the next oneshots will be a bit longer too :)