|Reviews for The Controlled Chaos of Free Will|
| uo-chou chapter 6 . 7/21/2012
Good work, I like it!
| dogbertcarroll chapter 6 . 7/21/2012
Worse cliffhanger ever!
I was on the edge of my seat and *wham* end of story.
| LanceMeister chapter 4 . 7/14/2012
The surrounding ninja were startled by a low growl coming, not from Naruto or Kiba, but Gai himself. "Such actions by an instructor are both close minded and foolish. To impart the secrets of taijutsu with such an attitude is unforgivable, especially for a child. I will be having words with that man when we get back."
Cracking his knuckles, Naruto gave the Jonin an evil smile. "You know that sounds quite youthful. Please Gai-sensei, teach me the secrets of the flames of youth as we teach these ass hats a lesson."
Now WHY can't a scene like this be canon? Weeps Manly Tears
| Guest chapter 6 . 7/2/2012
Good story, keep writing it and I will keep reading! Thanks for sharing!
| Guest chapter 6 . 7/2/2012
Since you are aware that this story breaks the rules (more specifically, the one forbidding duplicate content), may I suggest something that would stop it from being deleted?
Instead of posting the whole extracts that the characters are watching, why not post just the beginning and the end, like this:
"Please!" Naruto pleaded. [...] He smirked.
So, yes, it would be a bit harder for people to read it, especially those that don't use a computer, since they wouldn't be able to open Shawny Wong's story in another tab, but better a story that's difficult to read than no story at all, right?
| Rixxell Stryfe chapter 6 . 7/2/2012
Great story Vortex. Of course you take a good different direction from Sage of Seals in that you purposely are avoiding spilling certain secrets(such as Naruto being the container of the Kyuubi) as well as hinting at possible outcomes in the lives of people(even though this is a little early to say since you have only finished the first persons' question and outcome). Of course this makes me wonder if you might be focusing on stories pertaining to the individuals who are asking the question rather then focusing around Naruto completely. I somewhat hope that you'll go with the former over the latter mainly because it can open peoples' eyes to good stories where Naruto isn't the main character. Either way I was very happy with your pick for the first story since aside from great character development in it, it had those nifty little lines hinting at what would have happened in other timelines and since you managed to make the story comply to the main characters' pasts it all worked quite well. It makes me wonder just what you might have in store for Kurenai if she asks about Asuma, yet the story you might pull out focuses on her with someone else as a means to show her what life would be like with someone who doesn't want to hide their relationship.
Of course other interesting ideas come to mind, like you having Shizune ask what her life may have been like if she didn't go with Tsunade out of Konoha after Dan died, Anko asking what may have happened if she helped Naruto deal with the pain of being an outcast or something about her apprenticeship under Orochimaru(Brown Phantom's Students of the Snake might make for an excellent idea here, however this depends on whether Shino's question unknowingly reveals Naruto's heritage since he is the most likely aside from Ino to question why Naruto is hated so much), Sasuke asking what his life may have been like if his clan wasn't killed would also shake things up since this might reveal the Uchiha clans' plan for a coup de tat, Kakashi asking what may have happened had Obito survived and the list goes on.
Frankly the ones I'm most looking forward to are Sakura, Ino, Jiraiya, and Naruto in that order(which is surprising since they are essentially in that order although Sakura's turn comes up way before the others). My main reason for wanting to see Sakura's question so badly is because I have a feeling that she might ask what her life would have been like if she got together with Naruto instead of belittling him since Sasuke's question comes first will likely do more to make her think about why she really wanted to be with him. Of course I think this might be a perfect time for a harem story involving at the very least Hinata and Sakura, but this is completely up to you. I'd like to suggest Naruto: Demon's Path by Scribe of the Apocalypse as a good possible choice for this.
Ino stands out because of her inquisitive Yamanaka mind plus gossip sense means that she will likely ask something about Naruto or Sasuke, both of whom have very well hidden secrets that may or may not get answered prior to her question and as time goes on in this story she herself may see that Naruto would have been worth pursuing(especially if knowledge that he is one of the last of his own clan, that just so happened to have been a founding clan of Konoha). Either way with Ino, she will be asking about secrets and it should be interesting to see what comes about from her line of questioning.
Jiraiya should be interesting because I have a feeling he will either ask something about Nagato(mainly because he was the first person that Jiraiya believed to be the Child of Prophecy) or what might have happened if Minato had lived. If you do decide on the latter, can you try and find a story that doesn't include the Hyuuga kidnapping or Uchiha massacre? My main reason for asking this is because I have reason to believe neither of these events would have happened had he lived since he would have been able to tell the village what happened(if the Kyuubi attack happened to begin with) and Kumo wouldn't dare try anything against the Flash like they would against Old Man Hiruzen. Of course finding such a story would likely be hard, mainly because they aren't seen very often(some people don't have common sense in how one simple[or not so simple in this case] change can alter everything in the entire timeline). Either way as a result of Jiraiya's question, Konoha will learn important information either because they learn the true result of the Kyuubi attack was caused by Akatsuki or they learn more about what Akatsuki is currently up to as a result of asking about Nagato.
Naruto's question should be interesting mainly because it is last and therefore if any of his secrets might have been spilled thus far, he will be able to go more in depth about them. Even if no one asks about his parents and only knowledge of the Kyuubi is spilled, this still leaves the option open for Naruto to find out who they were by asking why the Forth chose him to be the bearer. This would therefore allow Naruto to learn about his clan if not Minato being his father. Of course this is all dependent on just how much your OC wants to reveal, however given how canon Naruto didn't even learn of his family until the very worst possible moment, it stands to reason that Vortex in the story might want to let the truth be known since no one in Naruto's life had the guts to tell him. This of course will put both Kakashi and Jiraiya in the hot seat since they had longstanding relationships with Minato and Jiraiya wasn't there as a Godfather while Kakashi spent his time playing favorites among his team. Tsunade wouldn't be too much different either since she is somewhat related to Naruto by means of distant cousin, if not something more along the lines of great nephew. All in all, Naruto's question is one of those key factors and given how they involve secrets pertaining to him, he has the right to know.
I'll send you a PM about Escape from the Hokage's Hat regarding possible paths around the Hoshigakure arc later. Anyway thanks for the great story and I'll be looking forward to the next chapter. Keep up the good work:)
| kitsuneluvuh chapter 6 . 7/2/2012
The stupid purge is ridiculous! How could they pull such a great story like that? Anyway, keep going and good luck on your story.
| Guest chapter 6 . 7/2/2012
Great chapter. I think I like your version better than Naruto Reads Naruto. Which story will you continue with? If you don't know yet, Patriot's Dawn by The Pro is pretty good. It could show our heroes a completely different Naruto. Anyway, keep up the good work!
| Turambar - Turun Ambartanen chapter 6 . 7/1/2012
Nice work here!
| dragoon109 chapter 6 . 7/1/2012
i have to say that the canon naruto IS the dead last. not just in smarts but as a person as well. naruto was ignored but no one not even god can make some one care or love another. naruto's own actions made him dead last and dead last as a being.
the only way to over come such a state is to face it head on and admit it to your self and move on. than your weakness becomes a strength!
as far as his schooling goes, naruto was 80% at fault. canon wise
where is this other fan fiction site you mentioned?
| ToAruKagakuNoPersona chapter 6 . 7/1/2012
Yeah, Vortex has Anko to deal with, and then there's the fact that Shawny Wong has not updated his story beyond this part. At. All.
| Sebazu chapter 6 . 7/1/2012
Honestly i'm somewhat dissapointed, almost nothing important happens in this chapter, i would have expected you to use 8A as the last chapter of this particular story since the scene of Naruto not knowing why is somewhat strong and would have kept the other characters guessing and thinking.
| iTziiFox chapter 5 . 6/25/2012
This is great! I absolutely love your work. I started at Escape From the Hokage's Hat, which I am thoroughly enjoying and dying from anticipation for the next chapter, and now am reading this. The style in which you write and plan your fictions is SO much different than most people on this website. I love finding the diamond in the rough, so to speak, authors that put time and effort into their work and satisfying their readers. More and more I find that there are just people that type whatever comes to mind when writing their fics. I especially love the way that you plan everything out, and include the minute details from every scene you write. You do your research into all the filler episodes and do your best to implement them into the story. Quite honestly, it's amazing. The level of dedication and honest enjoyment I see in you is astounding. Here's to hoping we see another EFHH chapter, thank you for writing these stories.
| Turambar - Turun Ambartanen chapter 5 . 5/10/2012
Well, I never thought that this would end up so well written. Very nice, anothvortex, very nice. I love how in depth your story is; honestly, it jerked a few tears, which, for me, is quite rare nowadays.
I especially loved this line: 'The looser was so pathetic he was contemplating suicide because he could not get a clue.' Really funny.
Send my compliments to the original author for me if you would. I simply have no time at the moment.
| rajvir chapter 5 . 5/8/2012
Great chapter like before next time I hope you update faster next time.