|Reviews for Hidden Valley|
| MaskedNarnianQueen chapter 5 . 10/27/2011
Hello, I've been a way for a bit with coursework. The plot seems good, I see its an Edmund/OC so I like that you are slowly building up their relationship.
However you need to watch your spelling such as "hear" when it should be "here". Your writing is good you just need to put more deatil in, such as where they are and what they're doing?
| MaskedNarnianQueen chapter 2 . 10/12/2011
Is is a much better chapter, this clear up a lot, really good job
| MaskedNarnianQueen chapter 1 . 10/12/2011
Well the plot sounds good however you need to space out your paragraphs and add much more detail to flesh out your story. Also what is Gloria's backstory? where did she come from? Who were her parents? why is she in a valley(with walls?)? Why is she afraid of Aslan? You don't have to answer all of these in the first chapter, but give us a taster of what is to come.
Also when is this set? why would Peter let Edmund go on his own, Peter would be more than interested to go to the valley,unless he has work, if this is the case, then say.
I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just giving advice on how to improve.