|Reviews for Bruises|
| BookQ36 chapter 39 . 12/12/2012
Please tell me that Dawnie will stomp on Riley's foot or something before her parents get the chance to tell her to play nice. There should also be a Spike vs. Riley throwdown in the back yard at some point, possibly even using the best Riley line ever, but coming from Spike this time. "In case you haven't noticed, Finn, I left reasonable about three exits back." I've never been a fan of Riley (we're of like minds on that score) but I've always loved that one line. Maybe have Spike kicking him in the chest or something while saying it, to kinda sorta re-enact the beat-down Riley gave Spike in canon when delivering that line in the s5 ep8 "Shadow" would work. Ok, so Riley is an ass because his dad is twisted, but for this 'verse and this version of Riley, he's gonna have to really work to earn our sympathy and it shouldn't be a quick process. I wanna see the jackass beg the Scoobies for forgiveness, and since you've established that Dawn as the canary in the mine for judging people's character, he should have to play tea-party with her as penance. My two cents.
| Slayerskey chapter 39 . 12/12/2012
Great twist! Can't wait for more.
| MiracleButterflies chapter 39 . 12/12/2012
| BookQ36 chapter 38 . 12/12/2012
Faboo chapter, as always. Now, idea time: Spike beating the crap out of Riley, Prof. Walsh as the biology teacher or bring back Dr. Gregory from season one, and have Andrew and Graham be all coupl-y. That's it for ideas, for now, anyway. If I come up with more I'll PM them to you.
| xxkandyangelxx chapter 38 . 12/1/2012
Well typically here is where there'd be talks of a trial and the main witness would be Spike obviously there'd be psychological trauma that the victim has from testifying and this could be the moment were Spike can mostly heal his wounds if he decides to take it head on. Of course, in a trial this size where there is photographic evidence and some audio Spike might not be needed as a witness and someone should make known to him that he has a choice. In that way the character can grow mentally and physically also during the trial the father could lunge himself at Spike and he can use the moves Angel's been teaching him but its your way to spin it however you want :) I think after the trial you should write about more happy times, school and what not but peppered with some small tragedies. That's just my idea :)
| Thorn Wild chapter 38 . 11/21/2012
Gah! Got logged out. That last guest review was me.
| Guest chapter 38 . 11/21/2012
Can't say I have any concrete ideas at the moment, but if I think of something I'll certainly let you know. Yay for update, though! And yay for giving abusive parents their just desserts. Guess this explains why Riley's such a pain in the arse... Looking forward to the next chapter, whenever it appears, and hope you'll be able to continue writing past that as well!
| ginar369 chapter 38 . 11/21/2012
Those asswipes usually manage to find each other. Don't they? Shanked in prison sounds like a good idea for both of them!
| Spike's real lover chapter 38 . 11/21/2012
I am your number one fan. This is the only story that is a must read for me. I hang on every chapter. I whine when it's over. You rock. :)
No wonder Riley is so screwed up! His dad, though not as bad as Spike's, is a horrible, rotten, shitty human. Riley is likely screwed up for life. His character isn't as strong as Spike's, and where I know Spike can over what his father did, I doubt Riley will ever be able to. Personally I always saw Riley attacking Spike. Maybe getting the upper hand on him, taunting him. Of course Spike always wins in m head. :) Maybe it would help him to beat his bullies. Defeat a demon has has clung to him for far too long.
I wonder what will happen once Spike starts school again. He's learning how to fight, but will he hurt a bully too bad because of the abuse he's suffered?
| Laura chapter 38 . 11/20/2012
I really enjoy this story! Hope your writers block goes away soon. One possible idea comes to mind...don't know if it was intended to be related...but the stuff about Riley suddenly growing a pair to stand up against his dad made me think that maybe Spike standing up for himself and telling the truth about his dad was a motivator for Riley to do the same. You could have Riley apologize to Spike for his past behavior and have him confess that he thinks Spike must be really strong to endure what he has, come clean about it, and let people help him. That could lead Spike to a therapeutic break through and he can start to move on w/ his life and with Buffy. Then have Spike gain the courage to face his dad and not back down. He can show his dad how happy he is and how he has people who love him while James has nothing. He can finally get the best of his father! I'm sure you've already thought of these things but thought I would share! I would like to see these things happen. :)
| Amanda S chapter 37 . 10/30/2012
please post the next chapter soon cuz i can't wait to find out what happens.
| kayliek72 chapter 1 . 10/23/2012
Great job mom!
| Forever-Furuba chapter 36 . 10/3/2012
I don't have an in-story motive worked out yet, but this and your other works suggest a deep dislike of Riley Finn. Therefore, I'm going to assume that jailer 'Charlie Finn' is Riley's dad, older brother, cousin, or some other relation to Riley, and that he's the one who told James that Spike was going to visit the jail that day.
| catchthegoldensnitch7 chapter 37 . 9/30/2012
Wow! This story is amazing! Normally i dont read stories that are AH or au but I absolutely love the layers and depth you have done with these characters. It is brilliantly written with a lot of insight. I read all 37 chapters in one night. I cant wait for anypdate. Great work!
| Thorn Wild chapter 37 . 9/30/2012
Boy, where to begin? I just read all 37 chapters in a day, so for a start I suppose it's pretty obvious that I like this. Which is quite a feat as I generally dislike extreme AU like this. You write a really rather delicious teenaged Spike whom I find myself falling very much in love with. Over all, I think the language you use, your turn of phrase, etc., is very good, and you've especially captured Spike's voice. The plot is highly engaging. You do enjoy putting your characters through hell, don't you? Of course, I'm much the same, to be honest. And wow, you really don't like Riley, do you? He gets on my nerves, too... :P
I really enjoy your characterisation of Angel as well. He seems very well-rounded to me, like you have a very clear idea of where he's going, how he's developing, and that's fantastic.
I also love how you've incorporated all the different characters from the original series, giving them roles in this story, giving them new lives and a place in the world. I'm having an awesome time with guessing at which character from the Buffyverse I'm about to meet, based on appearance, mannerisms and profession, before they're introduced by name (so far, my quickest guess was Lorne; I read stylist and lime-green suit (wasn't that it? It all gets so muddled up when you read so much at once...) and immediately was like, oh, this so must be Lorne!) and they all suit their roles so well, though it does sadden me a bit that Tara's so much older than the Scoobies, as Tara/Willow is my second favourite canon pairing (after Spuffy, obviously).
But as I am very concerned with constructive criticism, I thought I should offer something on that front as well.
While, as previously mentioned, I think you've captured Spike's voice very well in his dialogue and his point of view, I feel the need to offer a little bit of Britpicking... First and foremost, 'da' and 'shite' are not words that belong in Spike's North London accent, and turn his voice distinctly Irish in my head, which is very confusing. I also seem to remember that he at some point refers to himself as not wanting to wear knickers. I wouldn't either, were I him, as knickers are women's underpants only. Generally, Spike would probably refer to men's underwear as simply pants, confusing as that may be. (Loving that he's going commando, though, holy shit that's hot!)
A very small nitpickyness would be how you have a tendency to refer to Giles as, well, Giles. When writing from Buffy's point of view, since he's part of her family in this story, that becomes especially strange, and from Spike's point of view one would almost think there should be a Mr. in front. Much like Joyce is just Joyce, I think perhaps it would be more prudent to have Giles be just Rupert in this story.
Your dialogue is for the most part terrific (just the right amount of Whedonisms, I feel, and I love how you've incorporated lines, or at least line ideas, from the original series in a few places as well), but I do note a tendency for over-exposure in your dialogue. There's a bit of info-dumping going on here, where you sometimes lean dangerously close to the territory of 'Let's have lunch at Sunnydale High, because as you know, I am a student there!' if you get what I mean. Basically, you're telling a lot where you could be showing. Characters are telling each other things that they all know already, which, while it helps the reader get what's going on, becomes very unnatural for the characters and can make the dialogue sound forced or rehearsed. Sometimes this information is important and you should try to find some other way to get it across. Sometimes, it's completely unnecessary, and your readers will understand what's going on anyway. Less is more.
Then there is your characterisation of Buffy... IMO, she does have a bit of a Mary-Sue thing going, I think. I would really love to see more nuances to her character, as well as to her family. I like that you have a thing where her parents are very progressive and let her do what she wants as long as she's responsible and all that, but you occasionally take that to a bit of an extreme where there just isn't any conflict at all, which is very unnatural in the relationship between a 17-year-old girl and her family.
Which brings me to my final point, of conflict. It's very tempting, when you have a story like this where your main character has to endure a lot of horrible stuff, to cut that character some slack in the rest of his or her life. Make things a little easy for them. I think that, aside from Spike's main plot issues of dealing with his dad, the bullies at school and his mother being sick, he's getting off a little easy. Right now things are being handed to him a lot, and while that is definitely what he deserves, life isn't fair like that. Buffy's buying him everything he could possibly need (as a side-note, getting your bling from a jeweller? So not punk rock!), he meets a lady who, after a single meeting with him decides she wants to give him her shop when he graduates from high school, the police and social services and hospital staff are all so very helpful and there's no red tape, and everyone's such a good person... See where I'm going with this? Every other part of his life is falling into place at the same time. Spike has to need to deal with small, every day problems, too, or he's gonna wake up one day when he's dealt with his trauma and his life will be inexplicably perfect, and how often does THAT happen? To anyone?
Wow, this is a very long review, with a LOT of brutal honesty... I'm sorry about that, and I hope you don't mind. I guess that's what happens when you review 37 chapters at once. I hope you understand that I really am enjoying this story a lot, and I'm really anxious to find out what happens next! I adore your take on Spike, I adore your take on Angel, and little Dawn is such a cutiepie, and the scenes between Spike and Buffy? hot, Hot, HOT! (And I hardly ever read or write het...) So, keep doing what you're doing, this shit is awesome!