|Reviews for The Dark Savior: The Ice Cold Heart|
| mysticdragon01 chapter 11 . 7/9/2012
As always, your writing is close to flawless and I very much enjoy reading it. The meeting with Anna was well described and, coincidentally, I can relate to her shyness quite a bit. This is a great chapter, and I look forward to the next. I think I might even reread this whole story.
| Guest chapter 11 . 7/7/2012
For some reason, Jason the Grovyle reminds me of Jason Todd, the second Robin from Batman. I did base one of my pokemon characters off of Jason Todd, though. A luxray. I'm messed up...
| just-a-chic chapter 1 . 5/22/2012
this was... AWESOME. I'm left in awe! Great job!
| Pure Gamer chapter 10 . 5/19/2012
Awesome-awesome chapter. Yes, it does get interesting at the end. Great job.
| Pure Gamer chapter 9 . 3/27/2012
Fantastic. I enjoyed it. It's progressing nicely.
| Anime FanFic Fan chapter 8 . 2/26/2012
In this order will be Jason's reaction: disbelieve, confusion, anger, and finally mischeviousness.
I think Jason will accept the terms but will have an escape plan to flee from them. Thats something someone of his character would do in my opinion.
This story is really good, keep it up.
| Pure Gamer chapter 8 . 2/25/2012
Fantastic chapter! You're a very, very talented writer.
| Pure Gamer chapter 6 . 2/5/2012
Oh and about chapter the chapter I just reviewed;
Ohhh, so Jason likes Elana? Can't wait to see where that goes!
On your profile you said "I feel like I'm improving quite a bit" Yes you are, very much so. You have bloomed into a very creative and great writer.
I did see a few grammatical mistakes... "Your" instead of "You're" honest mistakes that we all make. Just look out for things like that.
I REALLY like this story, you're a very good writer. Can't wait to read the next update.
| Pure Gamer chapter 7 . 2/5/2012
I really thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. One of my favorites by far.
But just to let you know you can't put semi-colons and colons in quotation marks.
Loved the chapter, great job.
| Xamem-The Heart of Oblivion chapter 1 . 12/9/2011
Hey there. 3 So I'm here to check out your grammer and details or stuff. I'll try not to say too much about the plot, since you didn't ask.
'we just go to war just for power' is awkward. Remove that first just.
'Sometimes two countries just hates each others guts so much that they just want to go to war with each other, but they cant because they don't got a reason to, so they just wait for that little reason to come up and ignite the war (it's a little childish if you ask me).' Hates should be hate, cant should have an apostrophe, and the sentence feels a bit... Juvenile. Something along the lines of "Sometimes two countries just despise each other so much, they wait for a little reason to iginte a war. It's a little childish, if you ask me."
'it was the most deadliest war of them all, it was called world war three.' You can get rid of that most. Also, World War Three should be capitalized.
That note on steel tanks was not needed, since from what I can tell, your character had no influence on that war. You sentances feel kind of... Choppy. They could flow better, though I'm to sure how to fix that.
'the way we once used to live in.' Change this to either 'the way we once lived' or 'the way we used to live'.
'there were only a few wars that go on at one time' This is a really odd sentance. I'm not sure what you were trying to say O_o?
'I bet your wondering who' That 'your' should be "you're".
'Heres that...' Heres needs to be here's. vAnd you're talking about a memory, in the past-so exclaims should be past tense exclaimed.
Go over you dialog again. If it doesn't end with a question or exclamation, you need a comma or period, and you're making some simple capitalization errors that you can easily fix.
Run on sentance alert! Insert some periods in there somewhere! (Paragraph 19) Same for the next paragraph-you're first sentance can be broken into three.
I like your description of the courtyard, though I few more details would be nice-like, what pokemon were in the artwork?
I'm noticing that when you start a sentence, you don't capitalize the first letter of the first word. You need to always do that. I'm also noticing that your descriptions tend to run on and on... You can be detailed and still have short sentences. And sometimes, less is more.
'but he really isn't mines' Mines should be mine.
'Now I was even more disappointed now' Remove the first now.
Putting thoughts in italics would be helpful' it'd add contrast. 3 I feel like I'm sounding way harsh-sorry if it seems that way.
'The royal chefs really outdone' Outdone should be outdid.
I'm. Not im, not Im, I'm. You keep forgetting that.
Aww, I actually felt kinda sad for him. D:.
So, I'm done with this chapter. You wrote a lot, and I think you've got potential. Please message me if you have comments or questions, I'll try to get to you real soon.
| Pure Gamer chapter 4 . 11/12/2011
Really cool chapter, I enjoyed it. But I do have a few things to mention. (I'm going to mention them because you requested it)
First thing; In Jason's POV you switched from past tense and present tense a lot. Example: "...before I leave I wanted..." When it should have been either "Before I left I wanted..." Or: "Before I leave I want..." That happened in quite a few places. I noticed it was mostly past tense, so I'm thinking that's what it was meant to be. Also Elana's POV isn't past tense when Jason's is, so it doesn't make much sense if they're in the same time.
Secondly; A few times you said stuff like: "It was early in the morning by the way, well five thirty in the morning to be exact" And to be honest, this isn't really needed. Just saying: "It is five thirty in the morning" would have sufficed. The other way made it too wordy. But that's not a big deal.
Third; You say "well" a lot. And that's not a big deal if it was just Jason saying "well" because that could be his 'thing' but Elana said it a lot too. So that could be something to watch so it doesn't build up. Again, not a big deal just something I saw.
Last; (This really refers back to the second tip) When you said: " Oh yeah I'm still wearing that red bandanna from awhile ago" Again, not needed. If you wanted that in the story you could have just said "I readjusted my bandanna..." Or something like that.
All in all, great-great-great job. I love this story's story line. It's purely awesome. Keep writing. (Don't be offended by what I said, I always catch the weird things in stories. In fact, if you want me too, I'll betaread every chapter from this on for you.)
| mysticdragon01 chapter 4 . 11/12/2011
The story's very interesting so far! I'm very eagerly anticipating the next part; I'm wondering where you'll go with this. Your writing style is enjoyable to read; it's always a treasure to find something like this.
The only recommendation I could possibly make is not to change the point of view [so often]. I find it slightly difficult to get used to; of course, that could just be me.
As for the beta reader thing, I would have thought of doing it, but I don't think my writing skills are good enough.
| Pure Gamer chapter 3 . 11/11/2011
AWESOME. Keep it up and keep writing!
| SpiritWolf21 chapter 2 . 10/29/2011
Awwww! He found his soulmate already. Can't wait to see what happens next.
| dude30146 chapter 1 . 10/17/2011
Very good story, don't lose your motivation to keep writing. So many good stories get abandoned after just one chapter.