|Reviews for Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Path of the Spirit|
| Onatu chapter 11 . 7/21/2015
This review has been a long time coming, but despite that I'm glad to have gotten around to it. We'll keep this short and sweet so I don't ramble on!
Once again, I see why I'm enjoying this story so much: your characterization, the intrigue of the slowly developing plot, and the world building you continue to pursue. Each character, no matter how unimportant, seems to have their own personality in how you have presented them, like how each member of Team Whistleblade quickly established themselves through their actions and behavior. Simple, perhaps, but it leaves some familiarity so if the characters are revisited (which I have a feeling some of them will), the reader already knows what to expect.
This little race to the top of the mountain was a nice addition to the story, adding more character interactions between Coale and Elli, as well as introducing another of the guild's members in depth like we've seen with Donphan in the past. As a bonus, we get to have more of the mystery to the plot brought up as that Golurk shows up, bringing with it plenty more questions! Definitely makes me excited to see what's in store!
As always, your writing is practically top-notch. Grammar and spelling errors are few and far between, making your writing just flow smoothly. Speaking of which, pacing is still great as well, I really can't complain too much about how you're moving things along. Like I said, it feels as if you're incrementally revealing this story's plot and world, so being given these glimpses works wonderfully. Loving how this story is going and I look forward to future chapters!
| SilverScepter chapter 7 . 4/19/2015
From what I've read so far (up to Chapter 7), here's what I think.
The quality of writing is really high, and this is what has impressed me the most. There is a ton of detail, which is always nice, and the vivid descriptions of the scenery allow me to visualize what is going on. Great job!
However, there have been some points in the fic where I feel as if you're giving us too much detail. This is especially true in the more action-oriented scenes (not exclusively fighting scenes), where the writing should be more fast paced.
Despite the fic taking place in a seemingly original town, the similarities between it and Treasure Town are too difficult to ignore. The Vileplume Guild in particular seems very unoriginal. The characters working there seem to mirror those in the Wigglytuff Guild! I'm not exactly sure how you could fix this, but you need to make the guild more unique.
Even the first mission is reminiscent of PMD EoT/D/S! Think about it, both involve searching for an item that relates to the client's species.
Both Elli and Coale seem incredibly plain. So far, neither of them have a distinct personality. I'm hoping that this changes further in the story as they develop.
That's all I have to say for now. I'll leave another review once I get caught up with the chapters.
| mysticdragon01 chapter 11 . 4/18/2015
Ah, I'm very glad to see this story updated. It is too bad that I have a headache while reading, but I simply didn't want to delay it. In any case, I don't know how you kept up with RoI, but every time you update, I find myself in need of rereading the story to fully understand everything.
The Pinnacle Scale was an interesting idea, though. It reminded me a bit of the Goblet of Fire event, in the sense that it was a way to show the characters in a relatively normal environment while also providing a setting to crucially advance the plot (it seems to me though, that any team that happened to have, say, a metapod, would be straight out of luck).
As always, I enjoyed your descriptions, your dialogue, and the fight scene itself. I always like to see this combination of Pokémon moves and realism in battles, a style that I myself try to use, and I think you pulled it off well. I can only assume that the unfocused appearance of the Golurk means that it's some sort of psychic apparition summoned by someone, but I'm not going to get ahead of myself and I'll let you the story as it is meant to be told.
Lastly, I can imagine it was tough transitioning out of the fight and back into the race. It did seem slightly abrupt and strange that the characters shrugged that occurrence off so easily, but I could attribute it to the fact that Coale forgot about his suspicions of some higher design and they thought it was simply some wild Pokémon.
In any case, you haven't lost your touch a bit, and I look forward to the next. :)
| Talgoran chapter 8 . 3/30/2015
My impressions of this fic:
- Fairly standard formula, which I didn't like. Wash up on beach, partner too scared to join guild, gets courage from newbie with little personality, etc. Swap the names/species of some Pokemon running shops here, the name of the guild there, it's just all too much like the game. More different than some other fanfictions I've read though, so nice job being original.
- Definitely some skilled writing here. You write self-contained scenes well, I think. You can impart a sense of dread, and tension. You use good words, you describe things well.
- Flip side of this, there were plenty of moments I called in my head "try-hard". Example: the opening line of chapter 6. Overly descriptive, I cringed at how lyrical and beautiful you were trying to make it. A lot of the time I found the writing to be so ridiculously wordy, as if the mere act of someone moving down a corridor was the most epic thing in the world.
- My favorite part of the fanfiction that I read was probably the tunnel excavation, and how Coale and Elli used their skills to help. It was realistic, and a cool view of how a society of creatures with magical powers might operate.
Thank you for writing. It's given me a couple ideas of how to improve my own writing and fanfictions. Good luck with everything.
| Guest chapter 10 . 1/25/2015
I love this story and am so excited for the next chapter! Keep it going!
| Shamekeeper12 chapter 4 . 1/19/2015
Many stories out there just begin with the word "the" or some cliché setting.
Not this one! "Bubbles" sets the scene not quite like any other word. At first glance I wasn't sure what to make of it, so I kept on reading.
It was kind of like a camera zooming out. First you see the bubbles, then struggling and panic, then despair, then white. It's very dramatic—well done!
I like how the setting here is much more serene, exact opposite of the first.
[In this way, the beach served as a gateway of sorts, and seemed to have a life of its own, choosing who would come and who would go.]
This sentence stood out to me. I like how it's worded. Foreshadowing?
Nature seems to be personified in this chapter—like it reacts to events. One reads how the wind stilled just before she discovered the quilava, and how (mentioned above) the beach has "a life of its own". Nice work!
I'm impressed by the quilava's robustness. He's one tough cookie!
I like how you describe the quilava's unconsciousness. It almost carries the reader with him in a way.
[Fear dropped like a stone in the Espeon's throat as she realized what the Haunter were doing.]
That's a great way to put it! I had to swallow after reading that.
"Shadowflesh" Excuse my language, but that is such a bad-ass word!
One has got to respect that espeon—especially with all that trouble she's been through.
On the AN; you can really do that? I should try that sometime…
With all this detail, one can almost see himself there.
[All of the effects were very strange to the Quilava. He couldn't remember how he arrived to be in such a place. He couldn't remember why it might have possibly come to pass.]
I like how you set this up. It provides a perfectly logical path to the inevitable conclusion in all PMD fan-fics,
[For that matter, he couldn't remember anything at all.]
Nice work! One can't really set that moment up much better.
["I'm sorry…the combination of Kelpsy and Rabuta berries can be quite bitter… "]
Well that's unusual. Most people write about oran or sitrus berries.
[There was a strange air of stillness as the two stared at each other for a minute or so. It was the Espeon who broke the tension, looking away sheepishly.]
Awkward staring contest is awkward!
["My name is…Coale," He said finally. He was a bit startled to hear the sound of his own voice. He couldn't remember what it had sounded like originally…]
Say, Coale's a pretty good name! Unique, but not too out of place. Good thing you clarified how to pronounce it, though. Kudos!
I also have to hand it to you on these details—I would never think about how one's voice sounds when they speak it!
["Where is here?"]
Pretty unique way of saying "Where am I?" Kudos on that as well!
Hmm… seems kind of quick though. Walking right after waking up from a near-death experience?
I like how you describe the rotunda chamber. Some part of me wants to read it the story etched on the floor, and give the scribbles in my mental picture shape. Maybe you'll come back to it in a later chapter? Who knows.
I also find interesting how the skarmory acts just as much like loudred as he does chatot, from PMD: Explorers of Sky. I guess the multi-role cuts down on the characters one needs to describe. XD
["Good morning!" the Vileplume said. "It's time for a new, fabulous day!"]
All we need now are sparkles, sunglasses, and rose petals! XD
Hmm! I certainly didn't expect Elli's exit. Indeed, I was part of the "uncomfortable silence" they left in their wake. I guess she's pretty timid. (。ヘ)
Ah, the rumors of the townspeople! I'm just as curious as Coale is about what they're saying.
["Milotic, I-I want…to go home," said Elli.]
Oh, a milotic! I thought it was gyrados. XD Haha, my bad.
But… home? Are the roles reversed such that the amnesiac hero is not the human, but the partner is? Or is it something else?
["Don't leave just yet," said Coale. "You said you saved me."
"I…" she paused. "…did."]
Awkward realization is awkward!
The description of nature is almost like a painting. That's what I like about writing. You can draw things with shapes (letters) that don't exist as natural objects, and you don't even have to be good at art to do so. It's a nice set-up for another common moment in PMD; the proposal to make a team.
[Without turning his eyes from the sky, he spoke in reply:
I like the rhyme there, intentional or not, it works for the moment.
I'm not sure if I just analyzed a bit more here, or this is the longest chapter yet. I guess you did enough of a good job that I didn't notice. XD
I like how dramatic the word choice is, but four chapters in, readers could get desensitized to them, and the story loses its power. I'll be honest, skipped over a few parts because they were just too wordy. If you ask me, it's like Shakespeare once said. "Brevity is the soul of wit!"
In my opinion, the best description can convey the true power of the moment with as little words as possible.
Just take the first word of the story, for example. Notice how it's a word, not a sentence. In that one word, you were able to paint for your readers a small flash of the intensity of the moment. You didn't need the fancy adverbs and adjectives. You just needed a noun: bubbles.
… But that's just me nit-picking. The story itself is fantastic so far!
Though, I'd also caution you to not capitalize species names of pokemon. It's just one of Farla's silly conventions. XD
Whew! So far, this one certainly earns a spot on my favorites list. It's even spurred me on to resume writing one of my own works, now that I'm reminded just how effective a well-written story can be… Not a story, actually, "PMD: Path of the Spirit" is a tale all its own!
It's been a pleasure reading, and I'll review on the latest chapters when I have the time!
Until then, keep up the good work, and never stop improving!
| Shamekeeper12 chapter 2 . 1/16/2015
This seems to be a great story so far! I'll be reading more of this when I have the time.
| Onatu chapter 10 . 12/12/2014
Okay, so I stumbled across this story the other day and I've been reading through every chance I get. There's just something incredibly appealing about your take on the Mystery Dungeon format. Maybe it's the cast of characters. Maybe it's the intrigue you've brought into it, leaving a completely new world to explore with all sorts of questions (Why did that group of Haunter show up? Why are Pokémon falling into comas, and what about it is bugging Coale so much?). Whatever the reason in the end, you got me hooked. There are minor flaws of course, such as the characters interactions sometimes feel a little odd, and early on in the story your writing felt confusing to read, but that has since passed. Grammar and such have been great, nothing has such out to me so that's always fantastic!
Looks as if it's been a few months since the last chapter posting, so I'm assuming midterms and of course finals have caught you for the time. Hopefully you'll come back to this once things have eased off in a week or so, I'm looking forward to reading more of this!
| mysticdragon01 chapter 10 . 10/24/2014
Above all, it's great to see that you are indeed continuing the story - not that I didn't believe you when you told me, but there's nothing like a new chapter to quench the reader (speaking of which... shhh, I'm on it!).
I will admit I was a bit hazy regarding the plot of the story, but after going through it again and reading this chapter I wasn't disappointed. As always, your language is descriptive and evocative, and the subplot about Donphan's handicap was interesting. I definitely didn't see it coming, although in a way that's something I could criticize - why couldn't Donphan use his hearing to locate Muk earlier? It seemed like his heightened hearing only appeared the second time around. Obviously Coale and Elli's pep talk helped him focus, but it wasn't very clear that Donphan had this side to him at all.
This tiny thing is, of course, eclipsed by my enjoyment of the rest of this chapter, and so I eagerly await the next.
| WyldClaw chapter 1 . 10/23/2014
what a cool start
| mysticdragon01 chapter 9 . 1/1/2013
So, the plot thickens - or shall I say, advances! It's great to read this again. I thought I'd have trouble remembering, but Coale and Elli seem to be memorable characters, enough so that they sparked my memory.
In any case, before I go any further, I'd like to get the typos out of the way. There are only a few of them; you seem to have improved in that area. I was forced to nitpick to even find anything at all. That being said, the following corrections aren't really corrections so much as they are suggestions.
"'Your Team performed admirably!'" I'm not sure why 'team' is capitalized here. Is that in reference to their team name?
"...descending downward toward an unseen destination." This is really nitpicking, but I think saying 'downward' is redundant since 'descending' is already direction-specific.
"Early morning, reflected from the lake's surface, shone at an angle to the overhang, causing the mouth to appear a darkened cavern." A little strangely phrased; I think you meant 'the early morning sun' - it would be clearer that way. Also 'appear a' sounds a little strange... but I'm not a native speaker so I might be wrong.
Anyway, let me repeat how wonderful you writing is. Not only is it practically error-free, it's also rich with description that, while plenty, doesn't bog down the pacing. In this chapter, I especially enjoyed the description of the training - though I did find Breloom's entrance somewhat amusing. Almost like she was showing off. Anyway, I also liked the emphasis on how Elli credited Coale with a lot, and how he seems to spark her determination. I'm very much enjoying the relationship (in the broad sense of the word) that you're building between them.
In conclusion - awesome as always! I look forward to the next.
| MrPirate461 chapter 8 . 12/19/2012
Is really fun.
| Blup chapter 7 . 11/14/2012
Another great chapter.
I guess that Gyrados DID reappear, so it wasn't a plothole.
Nothing new to say except that it was odd that Coale and Elli didn't get hit at all.
Keep up the great work! :)
| Blup chapter 3 . 11/8/2012
This is a very interesting story.
There's good grammar, punctuation and spelling and your descriptions are great.
One thing: the Gyarados that saves the Espeon and the Quilava, will it appear in the story again? If it doesn't, that means it was just something I believe is called a plothole.
Your story seems like it could really turn into something epic.
Hope you can continue it until the end. :)
| WyldClaw chapter 3 . 11/10/2012
I loved it! i wonder why those haunter were acting lie that