Reviews for Gospel of Chris
funny-tragic-mess chapter 2 . 3/25/2015
oh this is actually fucking delightful. i might actually have to READ this, word for word, instead of doing the "bullshit professor-ly skimming" thing.

happy writing and junk.
funny-tragic-mess chapter 1 . 3/25/2015
I'm going to read this entire fucking thing. It might take forty years but what the fuck you look cool.

Also, the term "writefag" is offensively tasteful. I dunno.
Vyrazhi chapter 8 . 12/1/2014
"Transport via plants? Such a quaint spell name." I would use a word like "subtle" or "mystical" instead of "quaint", because whenever I hear the Q-word, I think "old-fashioned".

"What say [we] fearsome old warriors..." Just a nitpick.

The bolded section was hilarious, and could be applied to school as well as D&D gaming. Gods know that MY attention span was certainly decreasing during biology in college!

"Horse archers"? I would put "archers on horseback," because the first image that came to mind when I read "horse archers" was "centaurs". (LOL)

I'm from the U.S., so I wouldn't know: What is "taffing"?

"['Cept] for the one right here."

The passage about how a number grows is BRILLIANT, lad! :D

I've missed this tale. :) Want to review one of mine, albeit on FictionPress?

s/3210441/1/FORMLESS-Another-Tale-of-Terror
OrangePlasticBag chapter 1 . 8/9/2014
PROS:
Looking over the entire work, taking into account the fairly impressive prologue, pretty good action scenes and likable characters so far, it's a pretty good fanfic. I quite like the writing style, and looking at the whole thing, this story looks like it's not only going to be long, but aims at spinning an epic tale.

You listen to constructive criticism, and on occasion, you update your chapters to reflect that. It's a slow, but steady crawl towards a fine story, and some capable writing skills.

I honestly think there should be more inventive, intelligent Dungeons & Dragons stories out there, ones that know the common fantasy tropes and cliches, pay homage to them but are also not afraid to subvert them.

CONS:
The story has not progressed a whole lot during these last 40,000 odd words, or at least it feels like that. Did you know that a book needs a minimum of 50,000 words before it can be considered a novel? What you're written is novel-length, and STILL unfinished. A frightening prospect...

You might be passing through some difficult times in your life. Maybe some school / work / secret superhero identity / family issues might be holding you back from editing, or writing at all. I understand. After all, I'm a bit of an aspiring fanfic guy myself. But communication is key, and as a writer, all you do is COMMUNICATE.

I'd recommend that you make a Twitter account or something like that, so that you can be contacted outside of by any readers eager to know what the heck's going on and when's there gonna be a new chapter. Otherwise, you might see them floating away, disappointed, to some other activity, because you couldn't hold their attention.

I think you might have some problems with your writing style. You like these elaborate, dramatic parts where there's description, dialogue but not much else. While well-written, too many of these bits, written too long or used too often may disrupt the flow of the story and/or action, and put a cramp on the reader's attention-span.

Not that a good build-up and a nice pay-off doesn't work when handled well. However you have quite a lot of build-up but not much pay-off. Try keeping them a bit shorter, a bit less common, more to the point and ensure there is ALWAYS a pay-off at the end. Build up then release. Though when these moments DO have a pay-off, I was not disappointed.

There may be some issues with the dialogue style as well in the end. I see that the characters in the game speak in classic fantasy speech, with big dramatic moments and so on. But the players themselves in the "real world" speak relatively normal. No big dramatic scenes, no nothing. Are the characters in the game not meant to be people as well? I'd recommend that you save the dramatic speeches for appropriate dramatic moments, and have them speak a little bit more normal, even if using the occasional "thee" and "thou".

RECOMMENDATIONS:
Try and post some info as to why you haven't posted in the last few months. You write well but post slower than an ice age.

Here's a big one: if big, dramatic, action-packed chapters intimidate you, because everything either has to be perfect or you have writer's block for a big, dramatic, or action-filled scene... CUT THEM INTO PIECES. Well-written, coherent and juicy SHORTER chapters, say about 5000-8000 words, will slake the thirst for the Dungeons and the Dragons of the fans. They're easier and faster to produce than the monstrously-huge ones you've posted so far.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Cheers.
PocketMaster123 chapter 7 . 6/14/2014
You're not going to upload anymore :'(
Felidae77 chapter 7 . 11/17/2013
I have no clue what I'm reading.

All I know is, it's pretty epic.
dragonsound chapter 1 . 6/3/2013
first off, I am really enjoying this fic. It managed to grab my attention from the beginning and has held it well since, so please take this with a grain of salt. while reading the latest chapter a certsin detail caught my eye, nothing big but i thought it should be said. the story did not get "boring" per say, but it did begin to feel monotonous, repetative is i guess the term to use here. i am not sure if others experienced this problem as it may as well be a problem with my attention span but i found myself skimming over the last sections of the chapter.
hopefully this was helpfull.
Dragonsound.
Vyrazhi chapter 7 . 5/31/2013
(LOOOOOL) This story is the most epic one I've ever heard. It makes me want to play D and D with you.
Guest chapter 6 . 10/7/2012
POAST MOAR PLZ!

Can't get enough of this story and want to find out what happens next! Some misspellings in this chapter but nothing unbearable. Thanks for the awesome read.
bien canonizado chapter 6 . 10/4/2012
nice! thanks for the PM man! this is really cool and funny writing,keep it up! Bien from the Philippines!
Colonel-Mustard1990 chapter 6 . 10/1/2012
Hurrah! An update, and with the mysterious new tablet system in action!

Not much else to add here, but I was interested in that little point where the Tablet itself was grumbling about the players like a hard-done-by DM, and the general description of Oliver/Bryn's escape was very well handled. I'm looking forward to seeing the next parts, and where you take both this story and campaign overall. I'm still not sure whether this is going to be a narration of a campaign style story or a 'players get sucked into the game' style thing, but I'm interested either way.

Good show, old bean, good show!
PocketMaster123 chapter 5 . 8/27/2012
-Descriptions are adequate.

-I like the players. Their personalities are aweseme and seem realistic. Wish I could hang with them.

-Dialogue is just fine. Can't wait for the 'action' to start up but I'm having a good time reading about their out of game experiences and connnversations.

Great story so far. Can't wait to read moar!
PocketMaster123 chapter 2 . 8/27/2012
"What does this button do and can it display porn and/or generate lulz"

Cracked me up big time! lol Didnt really understand the first chapter- sort of threw me for a loop but as long as the gaming is getting started, I'm a happy camper XD
Vyrazhi chapter 5 . 7/14/2012
Wow. I can't believe you haven't updated this in a while! The characters are great, and even the ones I hate are patently hateable if you're someone who loathes divas!
Vyrazhi chapter 4 . 7/14/2012
PLEASE make Isabel have a really lame character that dies! PLEASE!111

-Vyra
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