|Reviews for Things Deleted from The Things We've Left Behind|
| A fan chapter 1 . 8/23/2013
So confused. Isn't this just literally almost the same exact first few chapters of Release? You just wrote this bit log ago but Release was published years ago? Confused
| Lisa chapter 1 . 12/26/2012
Thanks for posting this!
Truly fascinating to read these outtakes.
Btw, among lots of other things, I loved that you wrote about Riddick taking a shit.
| Joani chapter 1 . 10/24/2012
More please! This is fascinating to read.
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/28/2012
I adore your stories. They are really well written.I likethat Jack isn't a mary sue or a cliche in any way. Riddick's musings seem spot on,and his characterization always intrigue me. Hope to readmore soon!
| Freyalyn chapter 1 . 10/17/2011
Interesting. Odd. Yes, you have left this behind, but it's well written and good to see.
| AZTECPHENOM chapter 1 . 10/16/2011
Interested? Um...yes. Hell, yes.
Its totally cool that you put this up under the influence of cold meds. Some of my favorite stuff I've written was Nyquil-induced.
" I snort at myself. She's all grown up. She don't live with Abu any more. I'll have new windows to crawl though."
Nice job showing us he's pretty much made up his mind about going after her. Even if shes safe and happy - even though we all know, because she's Jack, that she probably isn't and even if she is, she won't be for very long.
Princeling? I like that word, for some weird reason.
Yeah, loving that he's made his hidey hole in some abandoned temple/church/sacrificial chamber thing. That he's sleeping on a sacrificial altar dreaming about Jack. Kinda creepy.
"On the other hand, limits the size of what can come up." What is he expecting? Morlocks? Only Riddick would shit down a hole and then consider crawling down after it. Pragmatic but...eugh!
"Something's tickling at me. Some smell. Some sound. Sounds. A struggle. It draws me. I find a little knot of thugs. They've got some girl – woman – woman, I think. Face a mess. She put up a good fight, I'm guessing, but she's stopped fighting by the time I get there. Eyes got that glassy look of someone who's a long way away and probably not coming back. Least they're taking turns."
Whoa. That last part. Taking turns, like its better that way? Very unsettling peek into his mindset that you give us there.
The whole scene is very nicely done. Believable that he'd take his time calculating and getting what he needs first instead of just jumping in and saving the day. Nice word usage- crawled and slithered and snapped.
"If it's her, she's sure not the kid I left. That kid would have been cursing and wriggling and yelling for me."
You know, I really don't think so. Cursing and fighting, yes. Calling out for him? Risking getting him caught? Don't think so. Not as much as she loved him. Kinda heartbreaking that he didn't pick up on that. That he doesn't know the lengths she'd go to keep him safe.
"He's just stunned," head merc says. She gives him a withering look. There's clearly a one way relationship between her and soldier boy."
Good for her. Why should she feel bad for him? For someone who's complicit with what they're doing to her. Even if he suddenly got bit in the ass by the hero bug. Jerk.
BTW where did you get the idea for the control chip/collar they use on her? I noticed it in Release, too. Its an absolutely fucking terrifying concept, but it works really, really well with the story as a whole.
I'm glad this was posted as a separate story - would've been pretty disconcerting if thrown into the mix with what you've already posted for TWLB. But I like it. Like it a lot. seems so much more...insidious...in this outtake. Much more Release than Things We Leave Behind. At least so far.
It would be awesome to see some of the dialogue and action scenes from this incorporated into a full length story.
Sorry to hear that you're under the weather. I've been so determined to not get sick I've considered spraying people with Lysol before talking to them. That might be considered rude though so...
Hope you feel better soon and thanks for sharing this little treat with us.
| jenefaner chapter 1 . 10/16/2011
I know this is just the outtakes, but DAMN! I didnt want it to end! LOL. I definitely saw some similarities between this and your earlier version of this fic. I recognized the cave he found, and how he made his bed soft for Jack, even if she wasnt with him. I also noticed that you merged his cave with that room that held the trunk with the skeleton and the shackles.
Also. Riddick taking a shit. That was a first for me. Thanks for that. LOL
'What if she's a good person, on a good planet, with a good life? I gonna take her anyway?
I think I might.'
I think I might. I LOVED that. I LOL when I read that. ;) So Riddick.
Im sorry to hear that you have a cold. I hope you get to feeling better soon! Thank you for the update/outtakes though. I appreciate you posting while you are high on cold meds. Heh.