|Reviews for Everybody Hurts|
| Critical ME chapter 16 . 7/17/2013
Hey, I have quite enjoyed the basic concept of this fic and the overall plot line. A couple things that I'd suggest spending a bit more time on in future fics:
- Choose a point of view and stick with it. There were quite a few times that you'd randomly jump into 1st person but not give indication who was talking/thinking/doing and I'd end up reading it all over again once I finally figured out who you were trying to portray.
- If you're going to include numerous "scenes" in a single chapter, try to at least stretch them out a bit more so that the fic doesn't seem so choppy and awkward. For instance, this epilogue includes a few different "wrap-up" ideas but they were pretty random. It just doesn't flow. And it seems pretty out of left field to include the "ending" of the Chase and Jennifer relationship since it wasn't at all pertinent to the fic and the entirety of the section about them in this epilogue is about how they're leaving each other... I'm assuming it's to signify that Chase had been out of the music scene for a long time and wanted to get back out there, but I think it was done in a sloppy, awkward way that didn't fit in with the theme of the rest of the fic.
- If you're going to use italics for thoughts (or whatever they're supposed to be) USE SPACES! There was one line in particular of Jane's inner thoughts that was probably 10 words long all crammed into a single "word" and it makes the reading AWKWARD and it doesn't flow and it's just poor editing.
| Terri chapter 16 . 12/28/2012
This was a good fiction, a little hard to follow but good never the less, keep up the good work :-).
| mauralov9 chapter 16 . 8/25/2012
J'adore tes histoires sur R&I Incroyablement Merveilleux.
| fanfictionfan chapter 16 . 8/9/2012
puts a whole new perspective on the 'we need to talk' phrase.. :)
| Hope6968 chapter 16 . 5/5/2012
Very good story I enjoyed it very much. Thanks, -Hope-
| Painthorse47.5 chapter 8 . 2/6/2012
Zucker is the creepy shrink from the randi books who Jane doesn't like because it always seems like he can see her soul.
| LOCISVU chapter 16 . 12/14/2011
| onezero chapter 16 . 12/13/2011
Oh.. this is really good. I am confused about Jack though. Newman went to Jane, outed Stanley and Helen but maligned Kelly when all along he is part of the group? He would have expected a chance of Jane busting in with the info he gave up, and he still went to Chase's 'execution' to be caught on scene? A bit illogical it seems.
| sweetkid45 chapter 16 . 12/12/2011
| Vargas1989 chapter 15 . 12/7/2011
| Paulina'sHM chapter 15 . 12/7/2011
I really enjoyed this story, well done.
| Megan chapter 15 . 12/5/2011
I would like that. See if she and the news reporter become gtilfriens.
| LOCISVU chapter 15 . 12/5/2011
If it's okay with you,then yes with the epilogue.
| LOCISVU chapter 14 . 12/1/2011
OMG!I'm just glad that she's alive.
| LOCISVU chapter 13 . 12/1/2011
So it was her mother afterall who killed MJ?