|Reviews for The Perfect Charade|
| br4v3b1rd chapter 6 . 1/16/2012
Gah! Can't wait until you update! Miss this story! ...Also, ove the story so far!
| orangepotato chapter 6 . 11/28/2011
Another amazing chapter! I did notice that there wasn't a chapter last week(which made me very sad, mind you) but I understood that it being Thanksgiving and all, it was probably hard for you to get another chapter up.
I was very happy with this chapter!
I thought it was wonderfully paced and you did a good job writing the game scenes once again. It's also awesome to see your writing style develop because at the beginning, it was very good and now it's awesome! Keep up the amazing work!
As for the ending... Poor Zelos! Man, the pope is a piece of work, isn't he? I guess him telling Lloyd will help things... maybe. I guess I'll just have to wait and see how that goes. Personally, I'm hoping for some fluff or romance, but it still might be too early for that.
Zelos' character is still wonderfully written! You have his thoughts down perfectly and I really like how you add the small involuntary things, like him smiling without knowing he was. It shows that he's growing more attached to everyone(especially Lloyd) and the slight distress he's going through because of that is beautifully written!
I'm curious as to what's going to happen next! I'm also excited to see what's in store next chapter simply because you're 'pleased about the next chapter'. At any rate, I can't wait to see what's going to happen next!
Update again soon!
ps:I liked the line:
"Zelos shot her a small startled glance—when did she…?—before his eyes turned forward again. (They most definitely did not turn to look back at Lloyd.)"
It was pretty awesome, I'm not going to lie. :D
Anyways, hope you have a wonderful week!
| Lalebis chapter 5 . 11/26/2011
This is really such an nice fic ;3; I really hope to see more updates in the future.
Thanks for writing this. c:
| orangepotato chapter 5 . 11/14/2011
Another awesome chapter! I had forgotten that this was going to update today, so needless to say it was a pleasant surprise. :D It also came on a good day since today hasn't been the best in the history of my life...
An excellent chapter, to be sure! You've done a wonderful job setting the stage and developing the characters and now, you're slowly working your plans into the plot. Amazing job retelling parts of the story without actually 'retelling' them. You're adding more of your own content, focusing on the characters and their thoughts rather than what's going on... It's absolutely wonderful!
I'm also enjoying how you write Zelos. You have a talent for it, to be sure. :D
Great Zelos/Lloydish moment. You always do a great job writing the two of them interacting and I've got to say, I like how Lloyd was asking Zelos about his plan. It's a very 'Lloyd' thing to do. Also, Zelos' reaction was very believable. He's slowly starting to trust and like Lloyd, but doesn't even realize it.
The scene with Pronyma was fantastic. You wrote that nasty woman well, describing her and Zelos' interaction perfectly. Man, she's relentless! Good thing Zelos was able to lie to her, though she's not completely sold. I'm curious as to what she knows as well, if anything. It's nerve-racking to say the least, since Cruxis plays a big part in this story and poor Zelos is stuck in the middle of it.
Great chapter once again! It was wonderful to read and I can't wait till you update again!
Hope the end of your semester goes well! Classes, projects and everything else.
Update again soon,
| br4v3b1rd chapter 5 . 11/14/2011
... Sigh. Zelos, the problems you get yourself into. This story is amazing, and as normal, it made a bad monday, much, much, much nicer. Thanks!
| br4v3b1rd chapter 4 . 11/7/2011
Gah. Lloyd, you are such a dork! But, eh. It's cute.
You are very good at keeping them in character. I have problems with Raine. No problems with Zelos, for me though. Keep writing! 3
| orangepotato chapter 4 . 11/7/2011
Another chapter! Yes! I'm always happy to see this in my inbox. :D Just a quick question, you said in your author's note that you and another person do a Zelloyd RP... do you perhaps do that somewhere where it could be read? I'd be interested to read it if you did. Otherwise, don't worry about it. :D I just like your writing style and I would assume the person you RP with writes pretty well as well. Anywho, on to the review! :D
It was a great chapter. You really did Lloyd justice. You got his serious side yet you kept his light personality all while incorporating his idealist thoughts. It was nice to have a chapter from his point of view and I'd be interested to read another one if you ever think that'd be good for the story.
I'm excited to read the next chapter for sure! I'm very curious as to what you're planning on having happen next. We're making our way through the game(I do love seeing your take on specific scenes in the game), and Zelos is going to become more suspicious as time goes on.
Anyways, I can't wait till the chapter! An excellent update to be sure! Update again soon. :D
I hope everything is going great for you,
| orangepotato chapter 3 . 11/1/2011
Yes! I finally got to read this chapter! I was busy yesterday, so now was the first chance I had to read!
Loved your retelling of the several parts of the story you included. Sheena and Zelos, both being sneaky with their spooky storytelling, was nice and funny!
Also, the last part was particularly interesting. Zelos went to ask Kate some things, huh? To bad he didn't get any answers. The poor guy, though I suppose he learned a thing or two, even though he doesn't know where his sister is still.
And we got some Zelloyd in there at the end.
The scene with Zelos waking Sheena up as a distraction was wonderful! You always write Zelos so well, his thoughts and actions, and that was defiantly something he'd do. The end was particularly awesome(not to mention cute) when he said goodnight to Lloyd. A small shimmer of a relationship far in the distance!
Though, on a side note, I do love how Lloyd's the only one who can sneak up on Zelos. :D
Great job once again! There were only a few grammatical errors. I've noticed that you use periods at the end of all of your quotes, even though a comma could be used.
"Well, it's kinda of scary to tell you the truth." Sheena admitted. "Dark, easy to get lost in..."
When you could have put a comma after truth so it looked more like:
"...you the truth," Sheena admitted. "Dark, easy to..."
It just helps the flow of the sentence since a period creates an actual cut off point for the sentence and disrupts reading while a comma only creates a pause. You can just keep that in mind with your next chapters. :)
I've also noticed(and this is more of a personal thing than grammatical), but you usually describe how the person said each phrase.
Sheena rubbed the back of her head sheepishly at that. "Sorry, Raine." she apologized, having forgotten about the Professor's fear of water.
Sheena rubbing the back of her head sheepishly implies that she's apologetic, and further more, when she actually says, "Sorry, Raine", there's isn't necessarily a reason to include "she apologized" after that.
Again, that's a personal preference. Sometimes it can help clarify situations, so it's honestly up to you what you decide to do with it, but I thought I'd bring it up. :D
Anywho, a wonderful chapter! I'm really excited to see what's going to happen next! I want to know what you're planning after you lay the seeds of your own plot. It's going to be a crazy ride, I have a feeling.
You're doing an excellent job, so keep up the amazing work! You do Zelos' character amazingly well and I'm excited to see what you have planned for him next. (As well as the growing relationship between him and Lloyd)
Update again soon!
| Needles of Rain chapter 1 . 10/30/2011
Coolio. The pope's a jerk :E Update perosn! It's awesome!
| Satoshi-H chapter 3 . 10/30/2011
okay i might actually like gnaw off your ears or something if you don't update you just made me squee like a retard with that last bit
please holy mother of god have mercy
update again? 333 fjaskldjl;kasdflasdfhnnngjklajsdf
| br4v3b1rd chapter 2 . 10/24/2011
Wow. You are quite good at keeping Zelos in-character. The way he hides himself, ect. I just really want to keep seeing this on sundays/mondays, as well. It gives me something to read in the morning.
| orangepotato chapter 2 . 10/23/2011
Woo! Another chapter!
In reference to your question, Sunday/Monday works best for me, just because it'll give me something to look forward to when I work. It's also a nice way to start off a week. :D But do whatever you want.
Anywho, on to the review!
You've done an excellent job writing Zelos so far and I'm interested to see how he evolves throughout this story. All of the other characters are pretty well written as well.
You did a great job writing the scene from the game, bringing forth Zelos' own emotions as opposed to someone else. It was an interesting retelling, though I think the strongest part of his chapter was the second half.
The way you write Zelos' thoughts are spot on. How he clears away his emotions and puts on a facade just so no one knows what he's thinking... you do an excellent job portraying that.
The scene was also bitter sweet. I liked Lloyd and Zelos' conversation. Nothing to deep, but they shared a moment. :D It was also a nice moment between the two.
Poor Zelos though, he's going to have to go through a lot of crap, but hopefully Lloyd will be able to help him.
Wonderful job once again! I can't wait to see where you're taking this story next!
Update again soon,
| orangepotato chapter 1 . 10/20/2011
Man, what a way to start a story!
So Zelos has to unlock the seals on this journey as well, otherwise his sister might be in danger. Man! The pope is one nasty man! Of course, the king seems to be somewhat behind this as well... it's certainly not looking good for the poor guy.
You've got me interested, and I'm excited to see what you have planned.
Also, bromance and eventual slash? Gotta say I'm excited for that as well. Can I expect some good old fashion Zelos/Lloyd?
At any rate, update again soon! I'm super interested to see what you have planned next.
Till next time,
| The Killer Bunny chapter 1 . 10/20/2011
Oh I can't wait! 8D You and your awesomeness! I will be waiting for the next chapter with baited breath!
| br4v3b1rd chapter 1 . 10/19/2011
Now this should be interesting... and fun. Is it wrong that I like to torture my favorite character... a lot?
Any way, I can't wait to see the rest of this. I can see the Pope doing that to Zelos... poor idiot.