|Reviews for PKMN Revolution|
| Guest chapter 34 . 11/20/2014
Supernatural reference, Team Free Will?
| Guest chapter 29 . 11/20/2014
Did you get the bit about Luxray and his ancestors from Bulbasaur in Ashes of the Past?
| Edhla chapter 1 . 10/17/2014
Hi! I'm a bit canon blind when it comes to Pokemon, but I'm willing to give good writing of any fandom a go :D
I quite like the beginning of this chapter... the Grovyle quote sets the tone really nicely and "the place of his death" is significant without coming across as forced. I felt that "he" was a little vague (which may just be canon blindness) and would have liked a little more description of Indigo Plateau (maybe not right here, but in the first few paragraphs?) but in general, it's a clean and crisp intro.
[nobody looked up immediately... No one glanced upwards] Since this essentially says the same thing twice, I'd consider streamling the sentence structure here so that it only comes up once.
[Nobody knew who (or what)] By this point I felt that the depiction of the humans in the scene was quite vague; the protagonist is only labelled as gender pronouns and everyone else in the room is just designated "everybody" "nobody" "the people" etc. This chapter is quite lengthy, but I'm wondering if there's a way to ground your narrative with more of a character/visual focus?
Your succinct description of the white-bearded man is what I'm talking about! Excellently described in only a few sort sentences, including his dialogue which shows as well as tells.
[Small sharp fang like teeth was bared] Small, fang-like teeth were bared.
[Pale eyes rolled] This, as well as the above line about the teeth, is in the passive voice. Nothing wrong with it per se, but it's usually best to use active terms.
[it's long whip like tail] Its long, whip-like tail :) I really liked the "pulsing jugular" expression.
I really like the line about the last look on Goodshaw's face being "indignant." The nuances there are lovely, and it seems like a realistic reaction as well as an unusual and interesting one.
[ghost drifts through you?] I really liked this turn of phrase, too! Dialogue like this is really clever, characterising the person speaking as well as the person spoken about.
["Sorry." The boy said mareepishly.] This has a minor punctuation error that I noticed in quite a bit of your dialogue. A "dialogue tag" like 'said' is part of the same sentence as the dialogue, so it would be: "Sorry," the boy said mareepishly.
[protesting valiantly] This is a bit of a 'tell' rather than a 'show', since your strong dialogue already demonstrates the valiant protest.
[They became Pokemon] I really like this whole paragraph. It has a grand and epic sort of feel to the language and rhythm, and the two very short paragraphs after are nicely nuanced.
[although she would be twenty-two] This struck me as a little odd, and I'm wondering if there's some canon information I'm missing here. Anyone aged twenty-one would be twenty-two on their next birthday, so saying both that someone is twenty-one and that they will be twenty-two on their next birthday says the same thing twice. I would pick either that she's twenty-one or twenty-two on her next birthday, rather than both.
To me, the best of this chapter was the last section, 12:05pm. I think it's possibly because you start the section very much in Lance's third-person POV (and provide us with a name an action, and a setting straight off the bat!) and the secction deals as much with what is going on in his head as what he is physically doing. His disdain for the Senators in particular made a great paragraph.
[Not that the sun had been seen for four years] This was worded oddly to me, though it's certainly not incorrect. I'd consider something a little plainer, like: "the sun had not been seen in four years." The revelation itself (very canon blind!) was really evocative and quite eerie, and there are so many different levels of taking the idea of a world without light. You don't let this hold up your narrative but return to it so that it ties in with both your chapter title and makes for a really strong last line in the chapter. Well done! x
| reminiscent-afterthought chapter 35 . 10/12/2014
This was quite a long read, but worth every bit of it. :D It's not often I see a nice balance of action and character/relationship, but you've caught that beautifully here. What really impressed me was how you handled the betrayal section - the only fic I've read in the pokemon fandom that doesn't have some sort of character bashing involved, and I'm grateful for that.
What compelled me to continue reading on the other hand was your writing style/structure - how you teased the information out: how it wasn't all neat and predictable but you kept me as a reader guessing throughout. And how realistic you made the world seem as well: some parts had been confusing at the beginning, but it all came together beautifully at the end. The character /growth/ you demonstrate throughout this fic is beautiful as well - particularly Erika, who I've never quite seen portrayed in such detail before. You had me rooting for her after a while. :D
Well, I could go on gushing praise but...you know. Didn't catch any (or if I did I don't remember them by this point) spelling mistakes or plot holes, though it did strike me as odd that Raichu did seem to be able to still use its pikachu dialect - part of trying to teach him human speech or the forced evolution? The ending was a little sappy as well, and though it ties everything together quite nicely, I felt the non-bolded part made for the stronger ending. That's just my opinion though; I'm not one for sappy endings and I'm sure there are many people who'd disagree with me. But still, a nice solid ending with a moral to wrap things up. Beautiful story and beautiful writing too!
| A PKMN Champion chapter 22 . 2/5/2014
Mew can learn every move EVER in every gen its available in
| someone happy chapter 4 . 2/1/2014
i LOVE THIS FANFIC
| soramii chapter 35 . 1/26/2014
One of the best pokemon fanfiction i ever read. I'd like to apologize that i need review before, but great job.! I hope you keep writing more fanfictions.
| Josh Spicer chapter 35 . 1/11/2014
I...I love this so freakin much.
This has become one of my stories where everything I do now comes back to this. That makes five stories on this site that leave me this...stunned and impressed that words can not express my appreciation.
Every time I look at my cat...I think of Va. That's how bad it is (or good, depending on your view).
I...I...I love it. There's no other words for it.
Thank you...for making this a thing.
| Josh Spicer chapter 25 . 1/9/2014
Fuck it, I cried when Togekiss came back, I'll openly admit it.
God and I'm still crying now, what the hell?
| Josh Spicer chapter 21 . 1/9/2014
Dat reference to Joey...
That was evil...
| Josh Spicer chapter 3 . 1/8/2014
AH MAN NOT JOEY!
| Tyrone chapter 35 . 1/7/2014
Wow... ….. just wow. An amazing story well written, took me two r days to read it but it's one of the best stories someone wrote in quite a while. Thank you so much for your hard work!
| DraconianPhilosopher chapter 35 . 12/29/2013
I won't say any more than that this is an amazingly written story, with beautifully planned plot, and great detail. It's something that I'll be re-reading multiple times in the future.
| Forever Me chapter 35 . 12/24/2013
I'm almost sorry that this story is over... but then again, every story had its ending. I find you a really amazing and good writer, you managed to put enough detail in the story to keep it interesting, but not too much that it would be hard to read. I hope I'll see more of your work in the future, because I really love it!
| Dawn on fire chapter 35 . 12/23/2013
You are the best. I loved this and I hope that you make all your stories as great