|Reviews for Darwin's Fist|
| Apples are good chapter 13 . 10/26/2015
Hey! I love this story! Please update someday.
| Pineapple8281 chapter 4 . 10/22/2015
I'm loving this story! I like how you didn't focus as much on Alek and Deryn and more on the Americans.
| Sarnakh the Sunderer chapter 13 . 4/13/2015
Yeah I have absolutely no idea how Starcraft got in this. #sarcasm.
| Birdie Biscuits chapter 8 . 4/13/2015
Semper Fidelis means always faithful. Not always ready/prepared. That's the Boy Scouts.
| Clevingerrr chapter 13 . 4/11/2015
Welcome back to the land of the living! I had thought this fanfic to be abandoned, but luckily, I was proven wrong.
Something that stood out in particular about this chapter was the way the Fist's technology was handled. Each beastie or machine is presented in a way that makes them seem overpowered, but the plot throws a curveball whenever they're deployed, backfiring and creating a sense of vulnerability for the protagonists. It's odd, but highly effective. In a story about super-soldiers, it's important to create some sort of vulnerabilities for the main characters, whether they are emotional or physical ones.
I understand why you didn't include Deryn & Alek in this chapter, but the recent events in the plot make me wonder what purpose they're supposed to serve. I mean, I know why you included them, since it is a Leviathan fanfic, but their roles in the overarching plot are ambiguous. Anything they could do, the Fist could do much quicker and more efficiently. Are they supposed to act as morality chains that keep Marasco from jumping off the xenophobia-fueled deep end? Or, are they going to serve a key role later on? I can only assume that something is going to happen to Deryn, judging by the pheromones conversation early on.
So, the ever-expanding universe of Darwin's Fist is including Starcraft units and tech into its lore? That's making me nostalgic, not gonna lie. Makes sense, too, since the Zerg do have some similar designs to fabrications in the Leviathan trilogy. Kind of strange that they're using Mutalisks for transportation and not Overlords...ah well, the Mutas look cooler anyway.
Like the previous chapters, there are some glaring spelling mistakes throughout the chapter (i.e. some uses of the word aeroplane as "areoplane"). While they aren't prevalent enough to spoil the chapter, they do distract from the content of the story itself. This could use a good spell-checking to weed out the most prominent problems.
Random thought: wouldn't the Bolsheviks be Clankers? Lenin did advocate for the industrialization of Russia, which Stalin later implemented through his 5-year plans. Not that I mind the possibility of a Darwinist vs Darwinist battle for the airstrip, but it makes sense historically for them to be fond of machines.
| EarlyMan1362 chapter 4 . 6/13/2014
A fine, well thought-out story set in a marvelous world at war.
| animefan192 chapter 12 . 5/8/2014
Great story. Now just waiting for update to come out.
| Guest chapter 12 . 4/11/2014
THIS...IS...F***...AMAZING! i speak for every one wheni say MOAR! *begins yeling at new DARWINS FIST recruts* "WELCOME TO BASIC TRAING, OR HELL, WHERE WE'RE GONNA MAKE YOU WISH YOU WISHYOU HADNT BEEN BORN,
| Zane Frost chapter 4 . 3/27/2014
Artemis fowl II?
| Garibaldi the Black chapter 12 . 3/11/2014
wait. Is Hester Shaw a reference to Infernal Devices? That was a cool series.
I like your SPARTAN IIs, they do click for me (finaly.)
Keep up the good work.
| Clevingerrr chapter 12 . 3/10/2014
I'm glad we got a proper backstory for the Fist. Those tense, emotional scenes make Marasco a more sympathetic character, and act as a nice foil to his more animalistic side in combat. Alek's reactions were interesting as well, especially with the question at the end.
At this point, I'm curious as to where the story will go. Now that they burned St. Petersburg and know about the mini-walkers, there seems to be no clear-cut objective for them. I get the feeling that we're building up to a confrontation between at least one member of Darwin's Fist (probably Marasco) and Deryn and Alek. The beating from the prior chapter and the pheromones moment seem to suggest that, or the possibility that one of the two will end up receiving an enhancement similar to the other members of the Fist. Or, I'm reading into it too much.
Spelling and grammar were greatly improved in this chapter, aside from a few minor errors.
| Clevingerrr chapter 11 . 2/21/2014
Damn, that was a tense chapter. A rather welcome one, though! Great to finally get Alek's POV (spot-on, I should mention) regarding the Fist. Seeing the Clanker unit was a nice touch, considering America's role as both Clanker and Darwinist in the trilogy. Are you going to delve into potential discrimination against them, by chance? Judging by how xenophobic members like Marasco are, it'd be interesting to learn about how their comrades view them.
I loved the outburst between Marasco and Alek near the end. The two contrasted well, and definitely added to the appeal of the chapter. Honestly, I was half-expecting him to lay into Deryn as well once she mentioned the truth about Darwin's Fist, but maybe it was for the best that it never happened.
If I may be a picky reader, there are a lot of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors in this chapter. In addition, the spacing seems a bit off: it's sometimes difficult to tell when one section ends and another begins. Just a quick run-through Word or another document reader might help clarify the issue.
| Resisting the Borg chapter 10 . 2/15/2014
Well, this has been largely interesting. I've counted two or five characters who seem to have magically appeared from other series. If this continues, might I request an appearance by the Mumby family?
Seriously, though. It's a fun series and I enjoy the concept, but your 'super-soldiers' seem to be a little… over-powered. Sure, they had trouble battling the robot in this chapter, but I recall reading somewhere that "if you have to invent kryptonite for your character, then they're way too powerful." Or words to that effect. You might want to tone it down a little. Also, do you have any idea about how the super-soldiers/Spartans would be affected by having animal DNA grafted to their own-the MENTAL effects. They could be increasingly feral, territorial, et cetera. Unless they have a brilliant therapist (or the boffins are just THAT GOOD, which I have a little trouble believing), they're probably going to act SLIGHTLY psychotic.
But really. You've already featured Hester Shaw from Mortal Engines, so why not the Mumbys?
| Clevingerrr chapter 1 . 2/12/2014
It's nice to see a story shedding more light on the American aspect of Leviathan, especially given the relatively light focus on them during Goliath. The OC's are well-written and unique, and Deryn doesn't seem very different from her personality in the novels. I'll be sure to keep up-to-date with the story's progression.
My only gripe would be with the overall lack of Alek or any other characters from the series. The story has worked well with mostly Deryn so far, but Alek's perspective made up 1/2 of the content of the trilogy. It just seems a bit odd.
Aside from that, this is an excellent fanfiction.
| MissyBailey chapter 1 . 1/15/2014
I usually wait till to end to review, but I just wanted you to know that this chapter has more fantastically placed references than I've ever seen. Thank you.