|Reviews for Revanchism|
| AvianReader chapter 5 . 7/6
I've heard that battle scenes are notoriously hard to write, but I felt you handled this one pretty well. I like the twist where the Mandalorians are unfazed by the fear Bastila injected into them and how realistic her naïveté is in the midst of battle, and Revan's determination to nearly sacrifice his new capital ship just to make a point.
I also appreciate that you're trying to "show" the battle rather than "tell" it, but sometimes it can get confusing to tell just what's going on. How do the nets on the basilisk droids destroy an entire capital ship? Were the difficulties in switching over command of the orphaned ships because of Revan cancelling the slave drive switchover tests?
This chapter also kind of reminds me of chapters 14 and 15 in Second Chances (why'd you name 15 Escape from Stalag 17 anyway?), although the intentions of Bastila and Revan are completely opposite in this story. Kind of interesting, the amount of parallels even though the situations are quite different.
Side note: the previous review on 7/4 was also mine; I just noticed that I posted it as guest.
| Guest chapter 4 . 7/4
You said that you rewrote this chapter many times to get Revan and Bastila's reactions just right, and I'll have you know that in my opinion your efforts paid off very well. Their interaction felt perfectly natural and plausible for a youthful woman and a young man who is her new mentor to have.
However, I have noticed a pattern where Revan will abruptly switch from a deep, introspective conversation to flirting with Bastila. Like when he interrupted Bastila's promise to respect the council and by extension, him, by making fun of her accent. I understand it's part of his character and a way to move the story along, but just be careful not to overuse it.
Small nitpick: the shuttle Revan and Bastila took to Corellia sounds quite large, maybe even larger than the Ebon Hawk or Millenium Falcon because of the number of corridors they had to pass through. Shouldn't a ship for one or two passengers be a lot smaller?
About your comments on Drew: I haven't read Revan's book, but I've read his Mass Effect novels. And I agree; he's not a great writer. The plot is kind of interesting, but still rather predictable. His characters are flat and really could use some fleshing out rather than just going through the motions of what's necessary to further the plot. In short, he tells too much and shows too little. Which makes me wonder how his Mass Effect and KOTOR characters are so rich and relatable when this guy clearly demonstrates character development isn't his strong suit? I know there's some other script writers that helped write those games and I'm curious to hear who contributed what and how much.
| AvianReader chapter 3 . 6/1
You said that you never played KOTOR II or read many of the EU novels? Dang, I'm impressed. Because although I haven't read/played any of those things myself, your characterization of Sunrider is really human and not at all like a paraphrased Wookiepedia article. Her reluctance to be a Jedi, her pep talk, her compassionate nature...she seems like a really great mom. Like, come on! What other mom, not to mention a *Jedi*, encourages relationships?
Bastila's gotta be really embarrassed by now. First she has to talk to the symbol she tried to call out during a speech, now she's stuck as Revan's padawan for the next few months. Props to her for not completely losing it!
| AvianReader chapter 2 . 6/1
Annoying squishy sounds. Love it. :)
I sympathize with Bastila missing the train. Except I run after buses, not trains :) Public transportation sucks.
Bastila comes off a bit immature and emotional for a Jedi Padawan but I guess it's one of her defining traits. Perhaps her gift at Battle Meditation is the result of her more extreme emotions? Or maybe she's never been flirted with before and doesn't know how to respond. But anyway, nice way to (formally) introduce Bastila and Revan to each other. The reversal of Bastila's attitude upon discovering Revan's identity was really great to read. It quickly establishes both sides' characters nicely.
I also like your characterization of Sunrider. Adult, but not robotically emotionless like canon and fanfic writers alike are wont to do with Jedi masters.
| AvianReader chapter 1 . 6/1
Great start to the story! I started reading this after thoroughly enjoying your other story, Second Chances. I loved your characterization of Revan in Second Chances, and I see that you've brought a happier, light-side version of that Revan to this one.
Now onto the chapter:
I really appreciate how you used the WeatherNet engineer as a way to humorously anthropomorphize the weather in a sci-fi fashion and express the mood of the scenery at the same time. Even though it's a small, nonessential detail, it helps serve to make the scene more realistic to me.
Revan and Bastila's first encounter is also really amusing because of how public and awkward the situation is. One thing that bugs me though is how a reporter has a microphone that is somehow connected to speakers broadcasting Revan's speech to all those present. The only people who should be able to hear Bastila talking are the viewers of that reporter's news network (assuming they're live). You could perhaps have her use the backup microphone or the microphone of some random guy who introduced Revan to the stage (such as whoever's hosting the event). But it's a small nitpick and what you've got already works pretty nicely otherwise.
| Asviloka chapter 25 . 3/14
I've really enjoyed this, adding my vote to those hoping you are able to update soon!
(One typo though. . . it says Alek was 'decapitated' and then goes on to treat him as mortally wounded instead, quite jarring to the flow.)
I LOVE all the little nods to the continuity that you put in throughout the story; the two-days, five-days with the enemy codes, Kae and the Echani, etc. And Malak and Revan as pranksters cracks me up so much.
Excellent work all 'round, and I wish you the best in your continued writing, be it here or elsewhere!
| Kyle Wente chapter 13 . 12/24/2016
Saw your Author's Note mentioning reviews. This story is the sole thing that introduced me to this site back in my sophomore year of high school. It is absolutely phenomenal and written in a way that hooks you immediately. This is one of the handful of Holy Grails Fanfiction has to offer. This is my third time through it, and I still mull over each word. If you happen to have any original works, I would love to support them as well.
| Jasmin Kenobi chapter 25 . 11/13/2016
I have to admit, I had my doubts about the story at first. But, I'm a sucker for anything with Revan and Bastila, so I gave it a go and was not disappointed. My only question is: when are you going to update? I understand if life or writer's block has decided to laugh and say "nice try", but this is an amazing story and I have an unfortunate tendency to find amazing stories that never get updated again. I'm still holding out hope for this one, though! I'll give it a couple years before I totally give up!
| May Arisa chapter 25 . 9/18/2016
I read this story in one go, and I love it. The characterizations are spot-on, despite the AU events, and you are the first one to make me emotionally invest in the Exile.
Revan's character is excellent, and I would love to see more of him if you continue; this is the first extensive pre-Jedi Civil War story I've read and I love what you've done with it. The Mandalorians are a very enjoyable read and Canderous' chivarly is awesome.
The moment when both Mandalore and Revan removed their masks and performed the ritual really touched me; a pity everything had to go wrong so soon after. Are you bringing Alek back? Revan and Malak's friendship is so relatable, and as a character I like Malak very much too.
Anyway, please don't abandon this story!
| Enderheart5911 chapter 25 . 7/21/2016
I had no idea that I would get so attached to these characters. This is the best KotOR fanfic, if not one of the best fanfics, I've ever read. Your detail and character development is astonishing. This is amazing, and I hope you see it through to the end. It's been half a year, but I anxiously await the next update!
| White-flame1 chapter 25 . 6/23/2016
You kind of left us on a cliff hanger and I would really hate it if your abandoning this story and if you are, I just want to say PLEEEESSSEE DO NOT (emphasize the NOT) I really think this story is AWSOME so far and I know other people probobly think so to and would hate to see it abandoned, so anyways this story is really great so far in my opinion,
| god of all chapter 25 . 5/15/2016
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.
| iceandfire66 chapter 25 . 4/19/2016
WOW! That was amazing! Talk about amazing characterization; I was heartbroken when you killed off Alek even though KOTOR's Malak was unsympathetic.
This is by far the BEST Star Wars fanfic I've read on this site; as much as I love your other ones.
Please, don't stop! Whether it's a month or a year from now, keep this story going!
SWTOR ruined Revan by the end of that last expansion and stories like this help give the character new life.
| BrettVT chapter 24 . 4/17/2016
DO NOT GIVE UP ON THIS STORY! I've said it once but I'll say it again this is the best Fanfiction I've ever read. It would be a crime against humanity to not at least attempt to bring it to some kind of close.
| BrettVT chapter 25 . 4/12/2016
INCREDIBLE Fanfiction, interesting way to present all of the characters from both of the games and give them there own personalities. Hopefully you are still writing this and haven't abandoned it, because I am dying to know the rest. Great work!