|Reviews for Infinite Stratos: The fusion|
| Storyteller of Darkness chapter 12 . 1/30/2012
You know, if I was one of the guards and the people we were pointing guns at were acting that calm, I'd probably freak out too. Seriously, if you are holding someone at gun point and they are acting like everything is fine, then the alarms in your head should be warning you that he has something up his sleeve.
And Haru is finally reunited with his mother. Hooray! And now begins the torturous and soul-shredding experience of coming to terms with having killed another human being. I hope Haru enjoys the mental breakdowns in his future!
I would also like to say that I won't be making my reviews as long as my first one. My first review for a story is usually my longest. Though I am not surprised that I made teh longest review to date. I try to help people on this site as best I can without telling them to do too much to overwhelm them, though sometimes I just come across an author that is plain hopeless. Their "story" is more like a summary or synopsis of stuff. It pains me to see so much potential go to waste.
You've improved a lot in the coherence and continuity of your style. I'm glad for that. It makes it far easier to read. Also, the pace the story happens seems to have slowed down a bit, which is also good as well. I'm glad my advice helped.
I must say, that little event in the bedroom was rather awkward. I did not see that coming. I'm fine with something like that happening as long as it doesn't get too far. If you are going to make it happen more often, though, I must warn you to up the rating of your story. After all, lemon is kind of mature content. But I also must warn you that you will get less readers since the standard search for stories excludes all M-rated stories. So it really is your choice.
Godd job and keep up the good work!
| Fangking2 chapter 12 . 1/30/2012
Your death scene was impressive. Not even I went far in death while in IS. I found the awkward scene very funny too.
| Matchstick800 chapter 5 . 1/29/2012
I was gunna wait to review but... God dammit, Latins not a dead language! If it was dead, then people wouldn't teach it or speak it, and since I'm in third year Latin, that is not true! ... *sigh* sorry, had to get that out if my system :p
| Guest chapter 2 . 1/29/2012
Fucking OC scum
| Our Guild chapter 11 . 1/23/2012
Minion: She thought that Laura was going to try to get in between Cecilia and Haru.
Rose:*pops up* Stay true Haru-kun!
Minion:*pushes Rose away* Interesting chapter. I guess in this case, like mother, like son.
Utah: Can't wait for the next chapter. Question though. Is he going to be rejoining the academy with Laura and Charles/Charlotte? or will it be sooner/later.
| Tony Stark chapter 11 . 1/22/2012
What? Am I so cool, you have to refer to me in third person? Anyway, keep writing. I enjoy reading about people in similar situations that may or may not have been based off me.
| Fangking2 chapter 11 . 1/22/2012
good interaction between the two characters. But I thought the mother was supposed to show up? Soon?
| Cosain chapter 11 . 1/22/2012
Great chapter. I'm a IchikaHouki fan due to the fact that they are close, and the densest guy around tried to kiss her. I want to see how you play that out.
| Cosain chapter 1 . 1/22/2012
Eh? You put up chapter 11 but then it disappeared. Did you take it down?
| Storyteller of Darkness chapter 10 . 1/17/2012
An ingenius idea, I must say. And dare I say I detect a hint of a plot within the depths of the romance. I think I also saw some foreshadowing, but I need more information for my hypothesis to become solid.
Anyway, I really like the story so far. I hope you update soon. I can't wait to see how Cecilia will react to this.
A few comments on your writing style, since I always try to put something helpful in my reviews.
The story progresses at a slightly quick pace. Sometimes it can be tedious to try to keep up with that. A way to fix that is to slow everything down by doing a bit of description of character interactions. You have an aweful lot of dialogues going on but they seem somewhat superficial because they lack depth. You seldom say how a character reacts to what Haru or someone says, for example. You do a good job with making the girls embarassed, though, so that part is fine. However, I've noticed you seem to keep using the same terms to describe characters. Try to use a different way of describing things sometimes. Also, if you describe how people act as they talk, it helps the readers to get to know them better.
Your fight scenes are fairly well done, but they could use some improvement as well. One way to do that would be to describe exactly how someone dodges an attack. i.e., when Laura dodged the grenade, instead of saying "She dodged my attack," say something more like "She dodged my attack by diving to the left, barely avoiding the hit."
Another thing I couldn't help but notice was that you seem to be slightly sparse on details to major plot points. Honestly, I thought Haru had basically forgotten about the organisation that experimented on him until this chapter, when you showed that he still harbored a deep hatred for them. It would have been better to mention that in an earlier chapter, in a kind of monologue as Haru was alone with his thoughts (and G) just after he was freed. And sometimes there's holes in your paragraphs that leave me confused for a moment till I think over it. Try rereading your chapter before you post it and look for missing words/sentences or ways to improve something. Also, try to do it as someone reading it for the first time, cause that will help make it easier to understand as it's read.
And now that I've given you some criticisms, I will give you some compliments.
Your comedy is wonderful. It fits perfectly with the characters and the overall atmosphere of Infinite Stratos.
And just so you know, just because I have several large paragraphs criticizing you, doesn't mean I don't think you are a good author. You are probably better than half of the authors I've seen on this sight, since you are actually able to put the story up in a mostly coherent manner. I cannot tell you how sad it is to see a good idea go to waste as a freaking synopsis of the story instead of an actual story. *sigh* Many of the plots on this site have such potential, but it is locked up as many people don't realize what it truly means to write. As an associate of mine once said, "Fan fiction is a great way to show you what NOT to do." I've found this to be true in most cases.
Well, that's all for this. I'm not expecting you to spontaneously become a perfect author after this or to remember all of my suggestions, so don't stress yourself out trying to make the next chapter perfect. Keep up the good work and may God bestow new and wonderful ideas upon you as you write.
| Cosain chapter 10 . 1/14/2012
Hmm. I reread this and it seems to be progressing at a smooth rate. Are you a HoukiIchika fan? It seems that way though, and when is Rin coming in?
| Sekai -The World chapter 10 . 1/13/2012
Good action chapter! I got not much to say but keep up the good work!
| Tony Stark chapter 10 . 1/10/2012
I don't know if that was copyright but you remind me of me a little.
| Our Guild chapter 10 . 1/8/2012
Minion:... While Utah sits in front of the door to the closet where Rose is locked in to prevent her from killing Laura... I think you probably know why... I want to say, great chapter. It seems as though you are breaking the harem. Keep writing.
| crazywolf1991 chapter 10 . 1/6/2012
Wow this chapter was freaking epic man I like this chapter since I read the first chapter and I have to say this ties up with chalottechans fic in my opinion keep it up