|Reviews for The Horcrux Within|
| tenga chapter 19 . 3/23
I am yet another person pointed your way by Old Crow. And i too am very grateful that he did- this is a wonderful story.
Perhaps the biggest compliment i could give you is that this feels like canon COULD have gone this way.
So many fanfics feel somewhat contrived. This has a natural, realistic flow to it that makes it genuinely one of the best fanfics i have ever read.
I have had this on my 'to read' list for a while, but yesterday, finally sat down and, one i had started, couldn't stop. I waited until today to review to givd myself a little time to think about the story first.
I particularly loved the Chamber of Secrets chapters. I always felt that Tom was a bit stupid in canon. If someone was killed, Hogwarts would be closed and he wouldn't be able to get Ginny alone and isolated enough to consume her soul and reform his own body. Not to mention, she would be back in her family home, and they would notice and investigate her different personality. CoS ONLY makes sense if someone, either Tom or an evil and manipulative Dumbledore, is making certain students are only petrified.
Your version of second year is, in my opinion, just about perfect. The tension, suspicion, drama, plot, everything was top notch.
My favourite thing though, is the characterisation. Most authors who have Harry learn about his destiny and/or horcrux status early, use it as an excuse to practically turn him into an adult. Politics, wealth, emancipation, powerful magic, often marriage.
You took the entirely more believable, more interesting, and honestly more enjoyable route of showing that for all his knowledge about his likely fate, Harry is still a young child, just coming into his teenage years, and all the hormones and emotional instability that comes with those turbulent years. He angsts, whines, and gets stroppy. Yes, he tries to prepare himself for the Final Confrontation, which show the man he could become, but the boy he is is made more human, more relatable, and more likeable by his human flaws.
They really make the character. He is a way most fanfiction characters aren't. His reactions seem like the sort of reaction a real person would have. His actions like the actions a real person would take.
That's the biggest compliment i think you can give an author of fiction. That his characters feel like real people.
The ONLY problem i have with the story is so minor i feel like a grammar nazi for even bringing it up. You keep using 'fowl' when describing an illegal action in Quidditch. You mean 'foul'. 'Fowl' is the collective name given to two types of birds, including animals like chickens.
It happened EVERY time you referred to an illegal move in Quidditch, so it eventually began to annoy me.
Apart from that minor and inconsequential matter, i completely adored this story. I cannot wait to see what happens next. I hope Real Life allows you to update soon.
May the Muse be with you,
| tricorvus chapter 15 . 2/26
My dad told me the difference between fiddle and violin when I was a kid. He fumfered it badly. Still great stuff
| tricorvus chapter 13 . 2/26
Why for you kill my Dobby?
My god this is a wonderful story!
| tricorvus chapter 12 . 2/25
This story is an epic page-turner!
| tricorvus chapter 4 . 2/25
This is a lovely story, well-written. Please work on grammar and spelling. Knock has 2 k's, and their is belonging to them, and there is a place.
| tricorvus chapter 3 . 2/25
Couldn't review last chapter, had to read this one! Oh my Merlin, you've got me on the edge of my seat! This is great stuff, and can't wait to see what happens next!
| tricorvus chapter 1 . 2/25
Suggested by old crow
Most excellent idea, having Harry know this early. Can't wait to see what else you've got racked up.
| Jimbocous chapter 19 . 1/9
Very grateful to Old Crow for pointing me your way. Nicely done so far; definitely hits my faves list. Thanks for a great read so far; definitely looking forward to more as real life permits ...
| Elspeth chapter 19 . 1/6
Really good chapter! Nice overlay of new improved Harry over canon events. The resulting events are just different enough to be interesting. Ron and Hermione are excellent friends in this story.
| Jimbocous chapter 13 . 1/7
Aww, poor Dobby. So far, very nice adaptations of canon. Truly a good example of what FanFic should be, in terms of making changes to canon and exploring where they take you. Good stuff, and I appreciate Old Crow referring me your way. One minor point, if you ever do any corrections, Colin's name has only one "l" as I recall. Otherwise, very nice clean writing, as well as an easy comfortable to read style. Thanks for a great read so far!
| almostinsane chapter 19 . 12/28/2014
Oh, I absolutely love this. You captured the characters' personalities well. It's rare to find a good AU, particularly one that doesn't employ the "Ron the Death Eater" trope. Could you perhaps avoid the Yule Ball fiasco with your butterflies? I hate reading the same thing again and again only with Harry acting like a 24 year old instead of a 14 year old.
I love how you portrayed Dumbledore. He is an overall good character but with a dark side you captured well. I also love your changes. They are believable and make the story different.
Thanks so much for writing this. God bless.
| Rawdha chapter 17 . 12/19/2014
You misspell "foul" with "fowl"
| AJ Granger chapter 19 . 12/18/2014
Very cool stuff. Love the working in of dog Sirius. Hope Ron didn't hurt him too badly. The training could end badly for Sirius.
| Issuino Yumi chapter 19 . 12/14/2014
I am very glad I found this fic. Thank you for writing and sharing Althor. Happy holidays and good luck with your job.
| ObsessedwReading chapter 19 . 12/13/2014
Wonderfully written. :) I wonder what will happen next...