|Reviews for I Dare You to Venture Through the Old Chateau|
| emily chapter 1 . 7/28
little girl: my sister was angry she poisoned me now im angry ill take it out on YOU!
| An0nym0us-Writer chapter 1 . 1/3/2014
Oh my Arceus, I wish I could see the boys reactions...
| iluuuuvjames chapter 1 . 7/13/2012
You,just brought to me,a whole new meaning of killing off characters.
| Awesome chapter 1 . 12/3/2011
This was a very good professionally and spookily story made. I enjoyed this a lot.
| phantongirl chapter 1 . 10/31/2011
Wow that was big I'm happy that touko atleat survived, I felt. Sad for the others especially leaf and lyra
| Farla chapter 1 . 10/31/2011
["What? Venture through the Old Chateau?" Lyra nervously repeated.]
This is very, very awkward and wordy for a first line.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
["Sounds like Lyra's already too Torchic to do it!" ]
Just say chicken.
[Hilbert pointed behind Leaf, which she turned and noticed Kris and Lyra hugging each other and shivering.
"Johto doesn't have an abundance of Ghost-type Pokemon." May pointed out.
"Nor do they have burial grounds," Ethan said.]
Johto has an entire ghost-type gym, and ghost types appear in the grass at night. It really would have made more sense just to say that ghosts are different than ghost type pokemon, and have some of the characters insisting there's no such thing as actual ghosts while others are scared.
You really, really don't need to write out an endless argument before anyone actually does things. It's incredibly boring and a waste of space.
...and now they're leaving their pokemon before going inside, despite the fact it's constantly repeated that the only way you can safely travel in pokemon-infested areas is with pokemon of your own. I don't really see how fear of a type factors into this, it'd be just as suicidally dumb to be doing this anywhere.
And now we have someone so stupid they close their eyes before swinging a bat at someone else's head. Even if the pokemon hadn't let go at the last second (hell, why did it, that's got to count as a normal-type attack), she'd still have died from the hit.
Also, why aren't they screaming or something to alert the other girls that they need to run?
[Lucian might have a hayday in here ]
...I have no idea what that word means, and neither does google so I suspect you made a mistake here. You might be confusing it with heyday, which still doesn't work in this sentence.
And now they're just getting picked off. It's not really scary, though. We know the place is crawling with ghost pokemon that are strong enough to kill people, so there's no suspense. They're just doomed. And there's no mystery about what's killing them either. Plus, leaving their pokemon behind is just so stupid that it's hard to have any sympathy for the pack of morons.
And now she's beating up ghosts with a lead pipe, because that makes sense.
And now she's beating all of the ghosts to death. And apparently they bleed.
You really could stand to plan out your stories a bit more.
| Lucky6278 chapter 1 . 10/31/2011
That was really well written! I dont enjoy horror stories but I read this on Halloween nite, oh joy, nightmares. Not much else 2 say. TTFN!