|Reviews for A Life Yet Lived|
| Better a Freak Than A Fake chapter 1 . 3/17
A very lovely start. It is a very great idea with a (possibly more?) human turning into a pokémon and has certainly caught my attention now lets see what you do with it.
Now onto implementation. Right of the bat you did an excellent job at setting not only the… setting but the tone by your word choice is not very easy to do.
On a negative not I noticed a few unnecessary minute details like: "and maybe that huge hole in the wall big enough for a Rattata to crawl through. In fact, a Rattata probably made it."
All in all, good job though. Keep writing!
| Great Angemon chapter 9 . 1/13
I like how you keep Mew ambiguous. You don't really tell us if it's a he, or a she, and that's a nice touch to the games.
When you type in a Pokemon's type e.g. Fire-type, Bug-type, you capitalize the type, like fire. I noticed it when you said Jane was a 'fire-type', and when you called Mew a 'psychic'.
I loved how you described Flame Thrower! It seemed so in tune with what it actually is!
"Oh right," Mew corrected with a curt chuckle, "I forgot... He's an idiot." LOL, this is so great!
Okay, so, the only real trouble I saw was that you tended to use too many elipses. A good deal of them can be changed out with commas and hyphens.
Anyway, this was a great chapter. Nice job.
Houndoom called Jane a "useless sacks of fur". I think you meant sack, not sacks.
| Kit chapter 9 . 11/11/2013
Ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppplllllllll llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasaaaaaaa aaaaaaasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssseeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee put up the next chapter soon!
| Great Angemon chapter 8 . 9/15/2013
Okay, great new chapter. I'm glad you finally revealed who the voice in Tomas' head was(even though I guessed it in my first review, lol). My only question is why Mew is doing this. Mew's supposed to be a happy go lucky thing, not mean.
I really liked the conversation between Mew and Tomas, while he was being carried by Sara. It made me lol. "'Having fun?' the voice chimed again in his head, sounding even more energetic and cheerful than before. Which, of course, wasn't saying much.
"No," Tomas retorted, "just leave me alone."
'Sorry, can't do that. And, since you're already well…"in hand"-'
'-I think it's time to help you to get… "abreast" of the situation-'
"Damn it! Shut up!"" I'm serious. Top-notch stuff, here.
And Houndoom's line about the floor. I love him.
I saw nothing wrong with SPAG, so great job.
| Great Angemon chapter 7 . 7/23/2013
Sara can be really scary when she wants to... I suppose the observer was playing her to make her act like that. What with the giggling and all.
Um, so the only thing I noticed SPAG-wise was at the end when she was talking to herself:
"in my handsthan in theirs.'"
in my hands than in theirs.
But yeah, that's all I saw. It was a great chapter.
| Great Angemon chapter 6 . 7/23/2013
This was a really good chapter. I loved it.
Houndoom's personality makes me laugh so much. He's so hilarious. And it's so funny that Cyndaquil just sits there, waiting for him to stop.
I really liked the part where Pichu, Cyndaquil, Houndoom and Tomas were all staring at each other. "You! You! You! No, you! ME!?" Oh, classic comedy...
| allen Vth chapter 8 . 7/19/2013
I will be honest, before I had little liking for this story, but now am truly glad I read it through.
| allen Vth chapter 6 . 7/19/2013
This sure ended up horrible for this guy, but it was sure a fun chase. I am also impressed by the character of the Pichu, I already seem to like the unevolved mouse.
| allen Vth chapter 4 . 7/18/2013
Part of this chapter was filled with irony, becoming "someone's property." I bet most people think it's just to catch a pokemon and that is it. I rather like it when the right to own a pokemon is earned like in the anime.
| Megalink1126 chapter 9 . 7/8/2013
So. The infamous Todd finally makes his appearance. It's about time, I'd say. And now I guess the gang's all here and perfectly set up to actually get this story moving out of the forest.
Overall, I thought the battle wasn't bad. It had some good description for the attacking scenes, and the taunts being thrown around by both of the Pokemon were a nice touch in there to make it a bit different from your average battle scene in a fanfic. Both Jane and Houndoom seemed very powerful, what with all the explosions and craters they made, although it does concern me a bit since it doesn't seem to give them much room to grow throughout the course of the fic. Granted, I imagine this'll mainly focus on Tomas' training, and he certainly has a ways to go before he's even remotely battle-ready, so I'm not sure if that'll be too big of a deal or not.
I did find it strange though that Mew made the comment about not really watching a lot of battles before. I mean, I imagine that sort of thing would probably happen all the time in a world such as the one Tomas and Sara are in, albeit a good portion of them not quite as intense as the one between Jane and Houndoom.
Also, it almost seemed that Todd got there too quickly from a time continuum standpoint. I mean, Cyndaquil got to his tent after the big explosion happened, so he would have been alerted to the situation when they were dealing with the aftermath. Then he would have had to probably quickly grab a few things, get Cyndaquil to tell his Sableye what was up, and then run all the way over to the battlefield in the time it took for Typhlosion to pull off a Double Edge and walk over to Sara. I'm not sure how far away the battlefield was from where he was camped out at, but it was probably a little ways away.
So yeah, that's about it. I'll admit, this fic is turning out a little better than I thought it would, so kudos for that. I may just have to read any potential updates you have in store, but if not, I'll catch ya on the flipside.
| Megalink1126 chapter 8 . 7/8/2013
Well, I guess they're not out of the woods yet, eh? And here I was thinking that everything had been resolved and Tomas would finally be able to get to that Pokemon Center he's been trying to get to for ages, haha.
So, that's what happened to Houndoom. He jumped in a bunch of bushes. Hmm... I think you might have screwed up a little bit there. If you go back and look at the scene from your fourth chapter (the sixth chapter on FFN) the Pichu and Chimchar actually started chasing after Tomas before Houndoom did, so for him to say that he thought those two were chasing him really couldn't happen. Unless, of course, Houndoom was lying, but he isn't supposed to be the brightest tool in the shed, so I sort of doubt it. And even if Chimchar and Pichu hadn't ran off after Tomas before Houndoom had, it still wouldn't explain why Houndoom, angry and apparently even under orders from his trainer to track Tomas down wouldn't keep going after the human-turned-Umbreon after he realized that the other two Pokemon were after Tomas. It seems more like he would want to chase after him even more instead of turning back around.
And I guess Cyndaquil finally decided to do something. I get that she wouldn't want to put herself in danger, but really, she should have gone after her trainer the first time Houndoom tried to kill Tomas to try to save him if she really cared about him, not the third.
I guess Tomas is pretty short for an Umbreon, since Sara mentioned he was only about two feet tall and the Pokedex lists Umbreon being slightly over three feet tall. And I'm wondering if his weight has anything to do with you trying to incorporate the principle of conversion of mass or something with Tomas' transformation, although I highly doubt he would weigh over a hundred pounds or something like that with the way you've described her holding him.
Anyway, I suppose the third and possibly final Houndoom confrontation is coming up. Hopefully that'll finally be resolved in this upcoming chapter.
| Megalink1126 chapter 7 . 7/8/2013
Well, that Mew certainly is good at manipulation. I guess it has to be, otherwise its plan probably wouldn't be going nearly as well as it is despite the little setbacks that it mentioned.
I do have to wonder what happened to that Houndoom though. It doesn't seem like the kind of Pokemon that would just give up chasing after Tomas. Rather, it seems more like the kind that would continue to try to chase after him pretty much no matter what happened to him in his single-mindedness, unless something unexpected happened to it. I'm guessing that his trainer probably called him back, which makes me wonder if we'll be seeing more of him along with Cyndaquil later on in the story.
It was interesting to see your take on the thought process behind capturing Pokemon. What I mean to say is that in your fic, it seems like other people can actually catch Pokemon that have already been caught by a different trainer and are still owned by them. It's certainly a different idea and not one I've seen used in many other places, but it certainly worked out in Sara's favor in her little rant to the two boy trainers.
Anyway, I guess it's time to see where you go from here now that the base for your story and the plot seem to be set up. To the next chapter then, I suppose.
| Megalink1126 chapter 6 . 7/8/2013
So, it looks like Sara pretty much has got Tomas captured without much of a fight. I figured she was probably going to catch him, or at least the two of them are going to team up together since she hasn't quite caught him yet. It still doesn't solve his problem of figuring out how or why he became a Pokemon, or what he can do about it though, so I'm curious how you're going to address those themes.
I am also curious to see how Cyndaquil is going to fit in with all this, or if indeed she is going to be a big part of this fic at all. At this point, I'm not sure what kind of role she is going to play, or if her entire purpose is going to be served after this.
Once again, I kind of had a hard time believing Tomas could outrun that whole platoon of Pokemon and trainers he had coming after him at the very end. For a Pokemon who couldn't even walk a few hours or so ago, he somehow is able to outrun a Pichu, a Chimchar, a Houndoom, all of whom are probably at full health or so, and two humans after being zapped repeatedly by Thundershocks and fried by some Embers? Sorry, but to me, it seems even more unbelievable than when he first got away from Houndoom. It just doesn't make much sense that he could avoid all of them after running around so much beforehand and being hurt, even with an adrenaline rush.
Not much else to say here, I guess. Onto the next chapter!
| Megalink1126 chapter 5 . 7/8/2013
So, it looks like the identity of the little "observer" from the end of the first chapter has all but been pretty much revealed in this chapter as Mew. Or at least, I'm almost certain it is thanks to the character tag, the floating, the psychic abilities, and the teleporting. But even knowing who it is is only one part of the puzzle, as we are yet to know why a Pokemon like Mew would be doing all this.
I guess that Houndoom really is incredibly stupid. I mean, it even has access to Tomas' scent from Cyndaquil's hands, and he still can't track Tomas. And I guess Cyndaquil redeemed herself slightly here by "distracting" Houndoom, but really, it was too little too late. I mean, if she really was concerned Houndoom was going to eat her friend, one would think that she would have shown a bit more urgency than just trotting down a path after them. But I digress.
I did like the way you had Tomas escape from the Pichu though. It was much more realistic than having him fight his way out, and a distraction like that provides a lot more cover and seems more realistic than him trying to fight his way out or something. But the thing that I liked even more was the fact that he still didn't manage to stay away from them since he got attacked at the end. It should be interesting to see how he gets out of this one, which'll probably include him actually fighting back for the first time with Mew coaching him in his head.
I'm hoping for some more plot development soon, possibly even next chapter. I'm curious to see where you're going to be taking this, since so far, there hasn't been much to go on as to where this story is headed besides Sara with her Gym Battles, and even then we still need to know what would be in it with Tomas. Regardless, here's to seeing what happens in the next chapter.
| Megalink1126 chapter 4 . 7/8/2013
Well now, finally some action! Yay! Your descriptions were pretty good in here, especially for the attacks that were fired at Tomas. You did a very nice job of describing how they would look to a Pokemon who was really witnessing attacks being hurled against him for the first time.
I was glad to see that you also had a Houndoom in this chapter, which was nice to see considering all the other Pokemon that were seen in this chapter were once again either starters or related to a Pikachu. And it was a bit interesting to hear that Cyndaquil seemed to know who the Houndoom was, which I'm thinking probably means they're both owned by the same trainer.
Now for some concrit. Quite frankly, I really had a hard time believing Tomas managed to get away from the Houndoom, regardless of whether the dog was an idiot or not. After all, Tomas was still just fresh off of learning how to walk, and now we're expected to believe that he not only ran, but he ran fast enough to get away from a Houndoom that is bigger and stronger than he is to a point where he was so far away the Houndoom wouldn't be able to notice him dive into a couple of bushes or the residual movement and sounds that such a maneuver would cause. It just seemed completely unrealistic to me, even with the head start Tomas got.
I was also very disappointed in Cyndaquil, as she pretty much did absolutely nothing at all to really help Tomas out. Even that last little bit at the end, which was supposed to be kind of funny, was just overshadowed for me by the fact that she just stood there instead of chasing off and trying to help her supposed friend in Tomas. Now, I could see it better if she had been cowering in fear before the Houndoom or something, but she even offered to do her best to stop him for Tomas, and then...nothing.
I did like the little part with the trainers at the end though. It just seemed like something that might happen in the Pokemon world, and I think it was a good idea to incorporate it in there.
Overall, I thought this chapter was okay, but there were some things that just kind of seemed off to me about it. I am glad that we have got some action going on now though, and hopefully the bigger plot picture will start to materialize because of it.