|Reviews for Within Reach|
| Kasienda chapter 19 . 5/16/2013
I have very much enjoyed this so far!
You have developed the world of Zeal quite well and your characterization of Magus is spot on. Your tone and voice have only gotten better as the story progresses. I appreciate the slow development of his relationship with Schala as well as it's almost instant erosion when he forces her hand.
Another favorite scene of mine is when Magus begins to learn sign language and has his heart to heart with Crono at the End of Time. I love how Crono has seeped his way into being a close friend and confidant though it would probably take a lot for Magus to admit that.
I also like how you drug the reveal out. That she sort of knew who he was but kept delaying bringing it up. I love how you described Magus' behavior when she finally did. Laughed more than a few times in this general area.
I agree, that these two wouldn't move too fast. I like the way you have built up the tension between these two. Magus forcing himself to be patient with her is the sweetest thing in the world! And probably what will win her over eventually!
I have one criticism. Your story is fantastic in the beginning and in general, it gets better as it goes. Towards the end, it also gets really good - even better. But there's a place in the middle where it looses something - and that's where you are covering the in game events and script. I know that you were rushing through these areas, but they do not match up with the quality of the story and it breaks the flow. For example, the scene where Magus kicks Dalton's ass? Amazing! Full of tension and anger on Magus' part. Fear on Schala's, which leads to some inner reflection (and some self hatred and thoughts of unworthiness) on Magus' part. It's all very compelling.
But when he goes to Ozzie's keep (similar type of scenario) it's totally flat. No tension at all. Your wonderful world building skills turn into "This happened. Then this. Ozzie says this. Then this other thing happened." etc. There's no emotion (or very little of one) conveyed in these scenes. You also follow game conventions that are included in the game to make it work as a game, but are impediments to actual story telling - like only allowed to have three in a group. Or playing the mimic game to win their clone doll. In these parts, you should not feel a slave to the script - YOU write better dialogue. Your characters are deeper than the originals. It's like you've developed them so well as you tell and flush out the backstory and then you throw them back to their original state for awhile. So if you ever come to another part like this, I would recommend using the in game script as a guide, but not something you have to follow perfectly. Or leave out these parts all together. Sum it up in one paragraph - like you did with the defeat of Lavos. These are not the parts of your story that are the most important to your tale.
Anyway, all criticisms aside (seriously, my criticism wouldn't even be relevant if you weren't so good) I love this work and will come back if you write more! I selfishly prefer you to write future chapters and not go back and edit what's already down. But that's cuz I want more! _
| Mother Mnemosyne chapter 18 . 2/19/2013
I love this story! So cute! Poor Schala, so overwhelmed. I say yes to the graphic content, I would love to see that.
| Guest chapter 18 . 2/18/2013
Great chapter! go for it!
| espergirl chapter 18 . 2/10/2013
YES. She knows! At last she knows! The reunion was so sweet too, especially the end. About your question...this is YOUR story so you should do what you want with it, not worry about if readers want to see it or not. You should follow your heart. But if I had to vote I'd vote for including the adult scene. I don't think you shouldnt just because its incest, what matters is the romance, and I want to see it happen. Hope that helps!
| Guest chapter 17 . 1/7/2013
Nice. Hope to see more.
| espergirl chapter 17 . 1/2/2013
MORE, PLEASE. I'm dying here wondering what'll happen when Schala wakes up at last. Is she going to find out the truth yet? I hope things will finally work out for them. Making Magus younger was an interesting twist...will be funny to see how Schala reacts to that. The other characters are great too but I'm looking forward to more Magus and Schala next (btw, should've mentioned earlier, but I really like how you treat Crono and how he never talks in the game...most fic writers either just ignore that and give him lines or turn it into a joke that he never seems to speak, but I really love you making him physically mute and needing sign-language to communicate...such an interesting take!)
| espergirl chapter 16 . 12/31/2012
Yaaaaaaaay, you're back! I didn't think this story would be updated, but I'm so pleased you came back to it! Thank you for not abandoning such a good fic. The time-travel sequence was fantastic and I loved your ideas about what it would do to Magus, and I'm just so happy that he and Schala are reunited now at last. They deserve some happiness. I so want to see what happens when she wakes up and if she recognises him as the Prophet or as Janus. Pleasepleaseplease post the next part soon, I can't wait to see what happens next between them.
| Vema chapter 12 . 8/3/2012
Yes, more, please! :) I love it!
| espergirl chapter 10 . 5/9/2012
Yes! More! I loved the transitions and how you covered so much passing time (so dark to think about though!) and FINALLY Crono and the others made an appearence! Poor Schala, having to do what she did there. I wonder how her relationship with the Prophet can recover after this. But I really want to find out, so please keep it up!
| Vema chapter 10 . 4/30/2012
Hooray! I'm loving this story. :) Magus is so deliciously self-centered, too. Very nice.
| espergirl chapter 9 . 4/23/2012
OMG, I've been wanting to see a story like this for so long, and this is great! Please tell me there'll be more!
| Vema chapter 9 . 4/2/2012
I love it! I sorely hoped you continue this.
| Vema chapter 2 . 4/2/2012
Woot! I love Magus, and I love Schala. I DEFINITELY love them together. I had a fabulous idea for a fic like this when I was about 13, but never acted on it. GREAT so far - planning to read as much as possible tonight.
| niisan99 chapter 9 . 3/12/2012
Damn, poor Melchior. And poor Schala too, having to suffer Dalton treating her that way. I'm so happy Magus rescued her! Well, it's great to see another chapter of this, and I hope you write more soon. Keep it up!
| Thyme In Her Eyes chapter 9 . 2/3/2012
Another great one! Rather than the romantic moments, it was the plot that really grabbed me this time - Queen Zeal's fall into madness and delusion is progressing so steadily, and I can see the lines starting to blur as she grows to care more about Lavos and her own ambition than the welfare of her people and family, as well as how the atmosphere in Zeal is gradually becoming more claustrophobic and oppressive. I also really loved Melchior's banishment, and the exchange between him and the queen. It was great to read Magus' subtle influence over her state of mind and how something so harmless was made to look hostile and rebellious. I felt so bad for Melchior though, having to witness his intended gift being used against him like that.
Some of the smaller details really enhanced this too, like Magus understanding the evil thrill his mother felt, and his guilt later, not for what he'd done or for Melchior's sake, but becayse it made Schala unhappy. To me, that nail what his moral compass is like.
And I can't go on without mentioning Dalton! I thought you might do something like this, and that Magus would be responsible for taking his eye, and was definitely glad to see it happen, and in such a dramatic way too! It was great to see the rivalry and tension between them lead there, and I think you handled the violence well too (couldn't feel sorry for Dalton though, seeing him suffer is just too satisfying).
I especially liked what followed between Magus and Schala, and only wish the scene could've lasted longer. It was so poignant and bittersweet, and I think you really captured the devotion between the two of them. _