Reviews for a different perspective
The Definite Article chapter 1 . 4/7/2012
Well done, early able. You have successfully peaked my interest. I find myself wanting to read what happens next.

Writing in the first person, however, particularly in the present tense is extremely difficult. I avoid it whenever possible.

The chapter needs proof-reading to facilitate its reading better. For example it is extremely difficult to tell who is talking when you have such chunky paragraphs littered with dialogue. Always begin a new paragraph when a different character begins talking. I would be glad to perform a basic proof-read for you if you would like.

Otherwise I admire your imagination and look forward to experiencing your other story-lines.