|Reviews for Of Age|
| MyLuckTookAWalk chapter 44 . 12/4/2015
well, what can I say? this was ana awesome fanfic, I loved reading it, I really enjoyed every chapter Thank you so much for writing!
| MyLuckTookAWalk chapter 36 . 12/3/2015
Saena's dead ...I saw that coming ! I swear I did XD omg how will Kyoko react now? I'm off to read the next chap!
| MyLuckTookAWalk chapter 32 . 12/3/2015
the mini heart attack at the start ... lol but this was a really nice chap!
| misherukuro chapter 44 . 11/14/2015
Well written thanks for the fic. ~,~
| era-romance chapter 44 . 11/2/2015
i would have made him burst into hysterical laughter but thats just me
| era-romance chapter 14 . 11/2/2015
yes, torture yashiro more wah ha ha ha
| Rose chapter 43 . 8/5/2015
A lovely little story, and, quite truthfully, one of the best I've seen on this site for this fandom. Though ample in room for improvement, you managed to successfully pace the plot appropriately while considering the legal, emotional, and realistic implications of your characters actions, resulting in a story that was both refreshing and believable.
The characters were enteratining, and the dialogue was wonderfully chosen, portraying the individual voices of the characters beautifully. That said, there was a little bit too much reliance on action and dialogue to move the story along and fill scenes. Complimenting that dialogue with more descriptiveness, mood building, setting, and overall thinking, enhances the work and lends it a more natural, fulfilling quality.
Thankfully though, you have all the makings for that as I can see the foundation of such rich writing in your scenes such as the ones in this chapter and in the funeral for Tsuruga. A bit more practice and editing, and I think you'd be fantastic even for professional writing.
However, while I can continue praising your delightful dialogue, well-personified characters, and clever use of manga plot to work within your story, there are issues and those, are perhaps more important as a writer to target.
Your other issue is with the conflict and drama in the story. You litter dramatic moments through this work like a soap opera without fully tying up the loose ends. While not overwhelmingly dramatic, the issue of Kyoko's mother, father, business associate, and Ren's identity are all very heavy emotional issues that deserve to be teased out and built gradually and lead to natural conclusion.
As is Sanae's business partner kidnaps her half-sister for seemingly no reason (she's not even related to Sanae) and we never learn what his business is or the if he has been taken care of (or if he'll come for Kyoko in the future(. Sanae herself, despite showing extremely selfish and survivalist behavior, commits suicide, again, for no real purpose as there was no indication the situation was grave enough it was unsalvageable or dangerous enough to require death, and Kyoko's feelings for her mother's death are brushed aside in favor of a quick conclusion.
Similar issues arise with other "conflicts" and dramas such as Moko's relationship, Sho and Kyoko, Kyoko's injury (those injuries take around 3-4 months to heal), her being drugged, meeting her father, and so on.
Also...not particularly important, but the legal age of majority in Japan is 20.
| Idhana chapter 15 . 7/13/2015
Wow, I love that last line 'She has a recommendation from Lory Takarada'. It gives him so much power and all...
| Guest chapter 36 . 6/11/2015
why is the chapter called the stripper stole the ring
| Guest chapter 27 . 6/11/2015
sooo good can't stop
| Guest chapter 18 . 6/10/2015
any thoughts...fucking brilliant
| thefriendyouhate chapter 10 . 6/10/2015
this is so well written and i can't stop it really seems as though it was or is part of the mange. sometimes its hard to tell who is talking but otherwise amazing
| Mischief101 chapter 36 . 4/30/2015
I remember that Friends episode. Hee hee. This is a great story.
| YaoiLoverYuichitaru chapter 28 . 4/19/2015
It seems so unrealistic that Ren would fly all the way to Cali every weekend just to see Kyoko, but then I think about my own Grandfather who would drive 16 hours (ONE WAY) every weekend to see my Grandmother when they were dating, did that for 2 years before they got married. Just goes to show that for true love, people CAN and WILL do ANYTHING to be together.
| bedhead chapter 15 . 2/22/2015
wat about work visas; serious issues if u dont hav 1. just for next time