Reviews for Wally: The Humanized Novelization part 2
PonyKorra chapter 16 . 4/28/2012
Yay and update! :) the story is getting really interesting. Theres just one thing that I have to say...where's the love? I feel like wally and eve have lost their connection somehow. Hmm.. But the whole situation with Wendy having to get the pacemaker is so interesting because it would make so much sense because of wallys genes. I'm hoping that this will continue. Update soon! :)
Dread Barb chapter 1 . 3/18/2012
Ha ha. Well, this is a pretty interesting start. It's good to see the humanized versions are ongoing. It is very impressive how the wastelands of former New York (Redundant XD) have been cleansed and made habitable (Paradox, lol I'm shameless). Okay then, jokes aside, this is as good a start as any. You should definitely consider continuing on with the story. Your ideas for the story seem good. I’ll gladly keep on reading.

Some things I noticed about your writing skills were common blunders young writers make. Fear not, we are all amateurs in writing whenever we’re young. Some of us decide to dedicate ourselves to improve, and some of us give it up entirely. I hope you don’t give up the art. Things will get rough if you decide to invest in honing your skills as a storyteller and as a writer. It will get rough, no lie, but the payoff will be very worth it.

With that in mind, here are some points for you to consider regarding your story. I know people don’t like to be told this and that, but they are just little tips I think you could certainly benefit from.

One thing to keep in mind is the basic of all writing skills, and this consists of grammar and spelling. I did notice that you made a few grammatical blunders in some sentences. One was not making a new paragraph when needed. For example, whenever the main focal point of a paragraph is rivaled by another one, like in the beginning sentence where you give a brief summary of the people after the Axiom landing and then shift to the character Wendy, you need to separate both into two or more paragraphs. That way we readers aren't bombarded by a large block of text, but yours was very short. It would have needed more detail, but that's a different point. Don't worry, it's easier to make a grammatical mistake than a spelling one, and that brings forth your spelling skills. Your spelling skills are excellent. I don't think I spotted one spelling mistake at all here in this first chapter. Keep up the good spelling. I hope you weren’t using spell check XD

Now for that point I mentioned. You should consider adding a little more detail to certain elements like events and characters, especially at the beginning of stories. An example would be the brief summary 13 years later after the Axiom's return to Earth. While you certainly had the right idea in what would happen thirteen years after the Axiom's return, you needed to let us know more. How did the people cleanse the wastelands and turn them into lands full of life? Where did they find the tools and manpower? How did they change as individuals and as a group? While those things are important, keep in mind not to give too much detail. It would be too much to read and you would detract from the focus of whatever main character or event we must know about. You don't even have to give details about the cleansing years right away. You can always save them for another time. You don't even have to say anything about such events, but since you did mention how the people would not be able to recognize their flourishing colony in the middle of what was once a barren wasteland, you would make readers curious as to how that would be possible. Might as well let em' know.

Style is perhaps one of the most important aspects of a story and the precious trait of a writer. Style is what makes a writer unique, no doubt. This deals with sentence structure, dialogue, word choice, the deeper stuff like themes and story structure, and much more. Your sentence structure is fine, just know when to include a new paragraph. Dialogue, now that needs a bit of work. Simply put, do your characters speak and interact in the same way people in normal life would? If dialogue and interaction are relate-able and believable, then they are good components of writing and a story. Experiment a little. Give your characters their own active voice. The way Wendy speaks should be different from the way Wallace or Wally speak. It would help your characters grow on us readers.

Well, that's all. I hope I didn't bother you too much with these tips. I do hope you consider them. This seems like an interesting story and I will continue reading and reviewing to let you know how well you do. The tips above are more of a review for the impression I got in Chapter 1, so maybe you have improved since the publishing date of November. Do regard them nonetheless. Good luck writer!
WALL-E and EVE In Love chapter 14 . 3/16/2012
I think it's great.
WALL-E and EVE In Love chapter 13 . 2/28/2012
I think it's great!
WALL-E and EVE In Love chapter 12 . 2/11/2012
I want the next chapter, please.
SilverDrops-6593 chapter 11 . 2/5/2012
Just one question: who are the ferals? :P

I'm loving your story. Keep up the good work.
Thomas Holmes II chapter 5 . 1/22/2012
Wally has a brother? Amazing!
WALL-E and EVE In Love chapter 11 . 1/19/2012
I want the next chapter please.
WALL-E And EVE In Love chapter 10 . 1/10/2012
I want the next chapter please.
WALL-E and EVE In Love chapter 9 . 12/21/2011
I want the next chapter please.
WALL-E and EVE In Love chapter 8 . 12/15/2011
I want the next chapter please.
WALL-E and EVE In Love chapter 7 . 12/8/2011
I want the next chapter please.
WALL-E and EVE In Love chapter 6 . 12/6/2011
I want the next chapter please.
PonyKorra chapter 5 . 12/5/2011
I love your story. Please don't lose your motivation because your a great writer and this story is really good. Please continue.
WALL-E and EVE In Love chapter 5 . 11/30/2011
I want the next chapter please.
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