|Reviews for Nihility|
| Yoshiyuki Ly chapter 1 . 2/11/2013
'Kay, I don't think I reviewed for this, either. I'm changing that now. Don't ask me why. Though I do have to ask why your note does not mention that you wrote this story for me. Rude.
What struck me about this story right away was that this is definitely angst. But it's angst without sense. It's not senseless. It's the kind where the character is constantly bashing her forehead against a wall and doesn't do anything when she feels the onset of a concussion. There are valid reasons for her affliction, which is why it's not senseless. When I say without sense, I mean Fang appears to have little to no capacity to sense what is going on outside of herself. She is extremely selfish. This all culminated into a ten minute conversation where Lightning says she is leaving, and Fang doesn't even raise her voice to fucking protest? She just focuses on her internal reaction and slits her proverbial wrist at Lightning's decision instead? God, that pisses me off.
This is also a recurring theme in your stories. Your narrating character feels the entire world in her heart for the other person, and yet she never rises to the occasion to really do something about it. The other character walks all over her, says nothing, gives nothing, does whatever they want, all the while the main character quietly seethes and thinks on their state. Nothing happens, except for constant victimization and the pitiable feelings within her that are reinforced by the other person showing no interest.
I remember exactly what I wanted to say to you when I first read this: "News flash: you have to give if you want to receive, even if it means taking risks and making an ass out of yourself a few times. If you give nothing, say nothing, the other person is perfectly entitled to perceive you as too passive-aggressive to be worth going after, despite whatever mountains YOUR feelings can move for that person. It goes both ways. You need to be the one to act if you've got the momentum. Go hard or go home." In this case, Fang ends up wanting to die because of the internalized victimization. What a way to go.
Because of this, I think Fang deserves what happens to her. She obviously wants it. She would rather die than want this person who has enough sense to not bother with her. Fang can't even communicate her feelings properly. It's masochistic to hold all of that in. When you let it out in small, or big bursts, yeah, it's offensive because the other person feels like they've been lied to when you're so fucking methodical and careful all the time. I get the sense Fang would get off if Lightning did that back to her. At least it would show that Lightning cared about her, if she had enough to hold in like that. Right? Ugh. That's too much delicate landmine walking for me to handle. It's pointless. Fang is trying to not look like an idiot by avoiding rejection, and she's created a self-fulfilling prophecy instead. She looks like an even bigger idiot by not being completely upfront with Lightning. I think Lightning at least deserves that much, if Fang's feelings for her are so strong. Fang is being selfish, again, by not wanting to come off a certain way, and yet she has the "woe is me" going like there's no tomorrow. THAT is the damned crime right there, not her wanting Lightning "entirely too much." It's completely unfair to herself and Lightning to act this way. That's probably why Lightning avoided her in the first place.
Fang can never have Lightning because she's already doomed herself from the start. She's convinced herself that she cannot have her, therefore, she won't and never will. A simple change in mindset goes a long way. I would be far more (read: I would be) sympathetic to Fang's cause if she had at least made an effort to chase after Lightning despite everything. If Fang would at least keep going in a never-ending push to get what she wanted, she would be a redeeming character, and worthy of what she wants. All of this is a full-blown misconstruction of Lightning's expectations and possible reactions. I wish Fang would have learned much earlier on that she can't predict what Lightning will do or say. I wish she would have asked Lightning out for fucking coffee or something. I wish she would have chased after her even after her legs fell off from trying so hard. Someone like Lightning will only respond to another who's made an impact on her.
This is not an impact. It's internal, it's selfish, it's deceptive, it's unhealthy and it's pointless if it's not let out and acted upon completely. That is what Lightning wants from her. Fang doesn't do it. She deserves suicide instead, for wasting Lightning's time.
Replace Lightning with I/me, Fang with you, and re-read ad nauseum.
| Saiumi chapter 1 . 8/28/2012
Holy hell that was heavy...but wow...simply wow...The way you caught the characters essence and, the way you strung words together...This was simply amazing...
| NovumFantasia chapter 1 . 6/10/2012
| Frucht.Fledermaus chapter 1 . 1/6/2012
| piceaabies chapter 1 . 12/10/2011
I liked how you chronicled the story of Fang's unrequited love for Lightning. Fang at the beginning does not mind Lightning's silence and tells herself it is better for Lightning not to know of her crush. But then Fang encounters sympathy and the physical touch of Lightning and the dynamic has changed: "I still don't know what possessed her to reach out to me that night, to touch my heartache." However, Lightning starts to avoid Fang: "I was so damn confused when she started avoiding me." and now "Lighting's only crime was silence" "I think she'd hate me for loving her. So I kept my distance from her" Then Lightning actually seeks out Fang to tell her: "She was never gonna love me, because she's never gonna love anyone...not that way." So now that Fang knows there is no future for them. "I need silence to flush out my head. I don't want to dream no more. Dreaming...it invites destruction." And Fang yearns for the time when she didn't know Lightning's true feelings. "I want it back. My hope, the uncertainty, the misery and joy of wanting.." The ending makes your story more powerful with it non-resolution of the unrequited love and the subsequent suicide. Favorite phrase: "and then I felt her cool gaze fix on me: through the crowd, it weaved between oblivious bodies till it found me and crawled along my skin, freezin' me to the spot."
| Lich Irelia chapter 1 . 11/3/2011
Holy...holy shit. I love angst so much. I love fabulously well written angst even more so i guess that means i just love your writing eh? Cuz shit i think you busted my mind... In a good way.
| chinpokoma chapter 1 . 11/3/2011
Just have to restore my review for this Dark but Amazing piece. Thanks for re-upping it.