Reviews for Mortal Bonds
Elven Silver Power Ranger chapter 15 . 5/3/2013
please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please update soon! this story rocks!
WAR-Operative chapter 1 . 4/4/2013
Ugh, I had a review all typed out at like 12AM in the morning, and the 'net died at my house. Wasn't fixed by the time I had to go, so I was annoyed like nothing you'd ever believe! Anyhoo, let me type this out again, and hope I hit all of the points that I hit in my other review!

Grammatically, I find no mistakes. A few oddly-worded things here and there, but I was able to dismiss it pretty easily.

Content-wise, I love it. I like how you can see Lion-O's thoughts tumbling over themselves while he's facing down this unknown Cat. . . Hope she's a cat. ANYWAY. It was also kind of sad because Lion-O WOULD try to do something like that - insist on their bonds, hope and wish it was all some kind of big, magical spell.

Our poor lion is just a little too naive like that.

Also, I'm stealing something from this. I'll be crediting you, but I was reading this, and I was like. . . . :D THIS IS PERFECT. Thank you for the idea! (What it is, I can't tell you, but in the future, you'll know!)

I'm excited to see where this story will go!
ThexDarkenedXLight chapter 2 . 3/8/2013
Absolutely love this chapter. It has a really nice ballance of suspense and humorous. I must admit, I laughed a few times.
I will start by saying that there were a few things that confused me, leaving me with questions. But it IS only the first chapter, so I'm sure they will be answered as I continue reading. Which is a very good thing, by the way. You are keeping me hooked (which I admit can be very difficult to do sometimes). Good job. :)
Well, grammatically, I saw no major, and if I remember correctly, no minor errors.l in the writing. *applauds* I noticed that not many fanfiction writers carefully edit their stories, but it certainly looks like you have. Not to mention that your story has a certain and very nice flow to it. Its easy to read, yet it is very ballanced between strong and mild vocabulary and usage. The imagery is fantastic and the way you show things is great. Though, I will say that there were some details about your cook that I think could have been shown better and maybe not all at once. Other than that, your imagery skills are very good. You do an excellent job of showing your scenery and I can vividly picture it in my head. Very, very nice job. :)
On a different note, I am having a bit of trouble telling if this is 3rd limited or omniscient. However, either way the way you have written this flows well enough and is written well enough so far that you don't exactly need to know and still enjoy it without being confused. Its also only the first chapter, so I am not worried in the slightest.
Great work so far. I look forward to reading more and finding out just where they are and whether or not the prologue is foreshadowing or a flash back. I'm really liking it so far, Yoru! Keep up the great work!
TxDXL
ThexDarkenedXLight chapter 1 . 3/8/2013
Off to a great start here. The way you've written it flows very nicely and there were no obvious mistakes in the writing. This chapter is a great attention grabber from the get go, giving just enough information to keep the readers on track and not confused and letting them understand the situation, yet enough information was left out to make your readers ask questions throughout the entire prologue. For example, I'm sitting here wondering who "she" is and how is she acquainted with Lion-O? Where are they? Why are the others (who are the others?) captured and being held hostage by the lizards? Etc. Questions like these make your readers, including myself, want to read more. Again, very nice way to open up the story. You have a strong start for the most part.
However, I would like to point out one thing that did catch my attention. I don't know if you wanted the intro to be suspenceful, however, I felt like you could have amplified the suspence you had begun to brew very easily. We only barely got a taste of Lion-O's thoughts, which was a nice touch. But like with 1st person, 3rd limited gives you the chance to dig into the thoughts of your main character. To increase suspence, you could've had Lion-O, or even the narrator ask questions, and not verbally. For example, when she is ordered to kill him, and shortly after charges after him, he could've closed his eyes and asked himself "will she really do it...? Is this it for us all...?" Even just that thought or question will help us as readers get a better idea of the feelings and thoughts going into his head. Asking questions is a great technique to use when building suspence. Just a suggestion.
Like I said before, though, it is a strong intro to an intreguing story and I really like the way you've written it. I cannot wait for the storyline to begin!
TxDXL
James Birdsong chapter 15 . 3/4/2013
Fantastic and cool story. Fantastic chapters.
Heart of the Demons chapter 15 . 3/1/2013
I absolutely had fun reading this chapter. The scenes you carry between Mumm-Ra's domain and the ThunderCats' journey are very true to the spirit of the TV show. First Mumm-Ra's domain: the interactions between Slythia, Slithe, Dijanna, and Axis were good, and even better was the Mumm-Ra/Nyrris interaction. I get the sense that Mumm-Ra has a lotta plans for Nyrris. And now on to the ThunderCats' side of things: their journey leads them into Monkey City, where they're ambushed by Treekee and his monkey crew, meet up with Ritan, the monkeys' leader, and go to free a couple of cats as per monkey female Chovani's lead. The story just keeps getting better and better every time.
ZabuzasGirl chapter 14 . 2/24/2013
Update immediately, please!Update immediately, please!
ZabuzasGirl chapter 1 . 2/24/2013
Update immediately, please!
Heart of the Demons chapter 14 . 1/1/2013
Brava, LBM. You've written yet another sensational chapter. Everybody has the limelight, even your OCs. And the legend of Rithlio is very well crafted. Even the location of Shashara was an amazement. I honestly believe you'll be able to continue the story despite your writer's block.
Malico74 chapter 1 . 10/2/2012
Great story
Heart of the Demons chapter 13 . 9/21/2012
Quite adventurous this chapter is. Nyrris is still in Mumm-Ra's pyramid waiting to be judged by him, and that Dijana character was pretty cool. Salariss and her team, the Hidden Blades, also are pretty cool; they're totally bound by honor. I'm sorry Jess'ica had to leave the ThunderCats, but it's for the best. Lion-O and the rest of the cats will have to go on without her. Hey, a lot can happen during your travels. Hope you update again!
Crystal-Wolf-Guardain-967 chapter 13 . 9/21/2012
i loved it! can't wait for more!
Philip Gipson chapter 12 . 5/29/2012
The Nyrris/Mumm-Ra dynamic proved to be most interesting. I was hoping Mumm-Ra would change to his Everliving form to stop Nyrris, but he didn't have to, for he knew the truth about her. The scenes with the ThunderCats and the lizard Cazerak and Lion-O reclaiming the Sword of Omens and its gauntlet and saving Nyrris were equally as interesting. It won't be long before the traitor among the ThunderCats is revealed. And I know it's not gonna be pretty.
Crystal-Wolf-Guardain-967 chapter 12 . 5/29/2012
i loved it! can't wait for more!
Turtletails chapter 3 . 5/7/2012
Love this story! Can't wait for more..

Also, did you put a wheel of time quote in this chapter? o.O or was that just happen stance?
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