|Reviews for Mommy's Little Girls|
| Queen Mab the Eccentric chapter 4 . 7/6/2012
XD omg I agree with Nation, Luigi's sexuality must truly be debated! I wonder what kind of conversation that must have been with Pavi. YAY! IMMA GENTERN XP I hope I don't die, but if I do, I want my final will and testament to be that Pavi gets my face and Luigi can't stab me more than 4 times XD
| CockneyBird3 chapter 3 . 4/23/2012
I felt the tension in that. Found the siblings completely in character, except Luigi didn't scream at anyone which seemed a little off. Loved how he was just using the awful ones for target practice tho.
That cliffhanger at the end kills me...continue soon?
| CockneyBird3 chapter 2 . 4/23/2012
Ur able to do what I can't. Show the heartbreak to the reader without going too far into depth. I felt it and I also think I know who Daddy is...I'd like to call him Daddy...sorry, I'll keep that to myself. Lol
Anyway. I liked the brief mentionings of the Opera and the girls take on it as it happened. Cute at first then just heart wrenching.
I find their ritual sad, unique, and fitting. Listening to music and going through memories, it's very fitting an realistic.
I'm still hooked and have a good feeling I'll stay that way, movin on to chapter three...
| CockneyBird3 chapter 1 . 4/23/2012
Ahahahaha! Much better! Absolutely no flaws in sight this time. I'm movin on to next chapter now.
| megawoman 5210 chapter 1 . 3/18/2012
I think Nation's dad is the Grave Robber.
| stiffkittens101 chapter 2 . 2/9/2012
Awww such a sad chapter. Poor Nation and Zaria it must have been horrifying to see their mother die like that. I like the fact that you made it take place on Halloween so that it seemed almost normal what their mom did to herself. It adds a bitter sweetness to the story. It was also quite sad that little Zaria was so young that she thought it was all and act while Nation was trying to convince herself that it was, although in her heart she knew it wasn't. She automatically knew that she had the responsibility of taking care of her sister. I like where you're going with this, you've got good ideas.
I only have one suggestion. I notice that the way you format the story is similar to how you write when we roleplay which is fine but in this instance try to make it as if you were writing an actual book. I'd like to see a little more detail in the setting and in the characters.
Other than that, great job! Keep it up!
| Queen Mab the Eccentric chapter 2 . 2/8/2012
:D this was a sweet chapter. it was sad though :( great update! also the halloween costume was great
| Kalyxia chapter 2 . 2/8/2012
Poor Zaria and Nation
| stiffkittens101 chapter 1 . 1/26/2012
I think that you have a lot of potential as a writer. I like your idea of Mag having two young daughters whom she left to look out for each other when she died. I also like how it's written in first person because I get the sense that it's going to be a personal story. I would like to see more background on each of them however as well as how their life was before Mag died. Was she a good mother? Who was/is the father? Did Rotti know about her children? How did they meet Graverobber? So many questions and only one author to answer them. Keep up the good work, Dakota! I'm intrigued to find out more.
| NationGentaObrien chapter 1 . 11/23/2011
I love it! :) Can't wait to hear more from you!
| Kalyxia chapter 1 . 11/8/2011
Great story so far. Hoping that Nations' father is Nathan , am I correct in assuming that the girls have different fathers? Also curious as to whether the storyline in Repo! would've been different with Mag having two children, I would love to see that explored in flashbacks or something. Please update soon :)
| Queen Mab the Eccentric chapter 1 . 11/6/2011
*insert the same content as my other review XD* ummmm i'm gonna just guess multiple times like the retard i am:
b. please not Pavi he's mine