Reviews for Shatterwish
itchy uchiha chapter 1 . 8/2
this is different from your usual stories, but nonetheless i liked it
FlowerPrincessoftheUniverse chapter 1 . 4/27/2014
I haven't read 'Snow Queen' so I didn't follow completely, but I enjoyed this story nonetheless.

I've been reading your fics nonstop these past two days; I love all of them! Keep up the good work!
CrystalBud chapter 1 . 10/16/2013
this is amazing, the way you brought it all together...incredible
aurora0914 chapter 1 . 9/17/2013
this was amazingly awesome! itahina forever!
Rainylurve chapter 1 . 5/6/2013
Woot. :D

{She is inside a small cottage, and a lovely blond reaches out to steady her.}
*blonde, missed the 'e'.

{Hyuuga Hinata." That is easy.}
Hyuga is spelled with only one 'u', though I'm not sure it makes any difference.

{"I like my tea with a dash of milk and - three sugars *is three too many," he says disapprovingly}
According to my grammar program, it should be 'are instead of 'is. Not 100% on this one.

{"You never told me, but apparently, you misjudged **number of memories you held that included this person."}
Throw a 'the' between 'misjudged' and 'number'.

{When **you're found each, the dandelion will seed. You will make a wish for remembrance on each one."}
That'd be 'You've

{The *blond witch shrugs.}
'Blonde'. Blonde is a name for golden haired female people, and blond is for golden haired males.

{Trails off *into a wistful tone.}
Just needs to be 'in'.

{"I'm *apologize, Lady Hinata." }
Apologizing.

{But nothing to wish on.}
This sentence is a little...Odd? 'Nothing to wish on' would work, as well as "But nothing to wish for". This is more of a matter of opinion however, feel free to disregard.

{Why do you protect a flower in the cold?" **a gravelly voice asks.}
Capitalize dat A, yesh.

{"Aren't a lot of things?" **she asks.}
Capitalization again.

{The raven leads her to a great castle like diamond stalagmites soaring **for the sky.}
Perhaps the word 'in, instead of 'for?

{**Frown on his face, crown on his head, with points tipped in sapphires and rubies - tiny drops of tears and blood.}
I would suggest starting the sentence with "A frown on his face,". It simply starts it off much more nicely.

{"Itachi?" *she asks.}
Capitalization.

{I'm - **playinga game of chess.}
Just need a space there.

{Hinata tenses and trembles, slips hand into pocket to warm fingers. }
I suggest saying "Hinata tenses and trembles, slipping her hands into her pocket to warm her fingers." Or even "Hinata tenses and trembles, slipping a hand inter her pocket to warm her fingers."

{*he asks, polite conversation to rudely keep her distant}
Capitalization.

{"T-that wasn't what I was implying!" *she sputters.}
Capitalization.

I like how you described her blushing as "face steams red like seafood". Great mental picture, love that line. :D

{It is my duty *for fight for it.}
*It.

{She hides behind *an battered shield of levity.}
*A.

{"Fair blossom, where is your destination!" *yells the little green one.}
Capitalization.

{Teeth **sparkles brighter than **than the icicles pulling on the tree branches.}
*Sparkles, and you don't need the second than.

{"If we can't protect you, I vow to run three-hundred laps around the Mirror of Reason Lake!" **the big green one yells. }
Capitalization.

{"Do you know...where he went?" *she asks.}
Capitalization.

{Take a left *a the fork - you can't miss it,"}
*at

{It sits like *an lighthouse on the opposite side of the Mirror of Reason Lake, }
*a

{"Echo?" *she asks.}
Capitalization.

{She incapacitates several men with his help, chakra flaring at her *finger tips like fireflies.}
Fingertips is one word. /Nice description of the chakra.

{Same words, different meaning, and the transformation is like a phoenix born of *ashes of their past.}
Hrm... Maybe 'phoenix born from the ashes of their past'?

{"Can you endure?" *he asks her}
Capitalization.

{He takes her **a garden full of sunflowers, }
Slap a 'too' in between the her and a.

{ Tries to sit up, and curls into **herself in agony instead.}
Don't really understand this sentence. ;

{"Itachi?" *she whispers hesitantly.}
Capitalization.

And I do believe that's it gramatical wise. I did grow a little lazy towards the end, so forgive me for that. ;

All in all, this is a beautifully written story. Never heard of this fair tale before, so for me, this just made this story all the more magical. And don't worry, I got the pun with Gai and Lee, and turtles. I also understood most of the reference/reasoning behind the dandelion, and griffins.

I loved the crows. Echo and Refelction. Well thought, name wise. I also loved the fact that you used Zabuza, and Haku. I died. I died a fangirly death at that point. And then they passed laying next to each other again asdfjkl.

I also really enjoyed your writing style. This particular piece of work has a certain mysteriousness about it, and you chose good, different adjectives when describing things. I'm a really big Itachi/Hinata fan so this is just...Wonderfully awesome.

So uh, without all the gushing, I truly enjoyed this story. This deserves a favorite, and you deserve a favorite as well. :D

See you around the Naruto fandom

{[RC]}
A Midsummer chapter 1 . 4/20/2013
Congratulations. You managed to shove 20 chapters in a condensed oneshot. I didn't even know that was possible, I mean some authors even have chapters ranging from 30 to a whooping 50 and still counting. I don't know the story of the Snow Queen, only grimm's fairytales and a few famous ones but I do know of CLAMP's Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle. Memory fragments and the price of being forgotten being a very familiar equivalent exchange. This also reminds me of a song titled Mozaik Role/Mosaic Roll composed by DECO*27. The Ice Queen reminding me of the dark counterpart in the music video. The deja vu strengthens once Hinata accepts her. Then again, there is always Hikaru and Nova of CLAMP's Magic Knight Reyearth to draw another comparison.

I strangely love how you placed flashes of memory in between a dialogue of a character Hinata interacts with despite the confusion it invokes. It is the first time I've seen something like that so it is a breath of fresh air. It effectively creates disorientation that Hinata must have been feeling while recovering a piece of her past. I'm also taking quite the gleeful satisfaction that for once it is the girl who saves her lover. Nice reversal of roles! I applaud you for that, especially since it is the great Uchiha Itachi that needs to be saved. I also like the transition of the seasons because it lends an otherworldly feel in the story. Also, Hinata found the strength to stand on her own so hell yeah! The characters fit their designated roles well, especially Ino and what can I say? This is awesome.
woodlandfairykirk chapter 1 . 11/10/2012
wow this is amazing(: reminds me of the Grimm brother tales
peachluver chapter 1 . 8/25/2012
A happy ending... Love the story
yume824 chapter 1 . 3/31/2012
This was definitely an interesting take on ItachixHinata. I loved all the Naruto characters that had been changed into something else. It was something like an allegory in that her worst enemy was herself and I found it very cool to see that she had some inner battles with herself. I'm not quite used to something fantasy like this but I definitely enjoyed it.

~yume824
Number1Weirdo chapter 1 . 2/23/2012
Very awesome story, I thought it was cool how you referenced the actually Naruto series (What with Zabuza and Haku) into your story, very nice :) Plus I love ItaHina!
ModernForest chapter 1 . 12/19/2011
Yes yes yes yes! I remember I read this in school. Well, I started in first period, then I kept reading it as the day went on and finally finished with a bowl of ice cream when I got home.

The idea was so great! I love unique stories like this one. I've never read "The Snow Queen," but after reading this fic, I really want to.

The crows were great! I love how they came in at the end, too. I was like ahsdjkjd; and I liked how you gave them names. It made them seem like characters instead of just nameless crows! It was a nice touch. Oh, Sasuke playing chess was really interesting, too! Through this story I wasn't expecting what was happening next; every detail coming at me was really capturing!

To be honest when I was in the middle of it, I thought it would be sort of a circle thing. Like, she'd start out at the wish house, then she'd journey through the seasons and get her memories back, THEN, then. See, then, she'd want to forget again, which put her back at the wish house, and then she'd keep doing it over and over again forever. I'm happy that didn't happen even though I am a sucker for crazy, tragic fics like that. I also sort of thought it was like that too when you said, "The dark blue design on a field of white is still dusted with snow." I thought it might be some sort of hint. Still, I'm glad she got her happy ending after all that searching!

Great writing; keep it up!
Lady Knight Keladry chapter 1 . 12/16/2011
That's actually quite beautiful. I love the symbolism in how Hinata had to overcome herself to free Itachi and in the acceptance of her darker self. I love all the different elements of the story and how you incorporated the characters. Great job!
Nerd4ever243 chapter 1 . 11/11/2011
AHHHHH ILOVE IT! OMG finally a good story about my OTP! hehehe wow amazing fic and wonderfully written.

The plotline is a little different but still it is amazing and fits more with the story.

No worries I have a muddled mix of perspectives as well. The story is great and I love it to death.
softwinds chapter 1 . 11/10/2011
First of all, I'd agree with you that 'Gentle Step Twin Lion Fists' would sound really dumb in English. lol!

This would have been a really good story if you hadn't had to fit it into a one-shot for the challenge. I was most surprised to learn that you had chosen The Snow Queen. It's pretty lengthy, you'll have to agree.

Anyway, it was good. And to turn the queen into the dark part of Hinata was indeed very clever. Placing 'turtle' Gai and Lee as the turtle doves earned a few laughs too!

- softwinds -
Qial chapter 1 . 11/8/2011
This sure is captivating!

Enjoyed it alot :D !
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