|Reviews for Summation|
| RavenRoset chapter 1 . 11/6/2013
I love Once A Upon A Time. I am such a big fan. The way you put Snow's situation made me look at it completely differently. You are so descriptive and precise. It is really good and I hope your other stories are just as good. Even though it was short, I admire it a lot and I can't wait to read more of you writing.
| NeoMiniTails chapter 1 . 10/13/2013
After barely speaking on the randomness forum in your own forums, I decided to check out your story-meremly because of your awesome personality.
I really liked this story. It was emotionally very well-written. Your portrayal of Mary Margaret's emotions are very realistic and are easily felt and see. Very nice.
My one issue is the latter part of your story where you're writing in present tense about what the character is doing. Being that it's not in first person, the writing doesn't fit being in present tense... and stories should generally be written in past tense.
Besides that, I really liked this and what the little jewel stood for in the story.
| CrepuscularSnidget chapter 1 . 5/26/2012
I really think you captured Mary Margaret perfectly. I am not a big fan of David, but reading this makes me more sympathetic to him. I like how you show how fuzzy she is about the past and how she wants to find more details, but is a little scared to. I also like your "reflection in a mirror" line-a nice bit of irony that Snow White's thinking about it.
| The Death Frisbee chapter 1 . 5/25/2012
I have not seen the show, so am reviewing this blind, but here goes.
I liked the reference to the south wind; it put me in classic-fairytale mindset, yet was subtly done.
Slight crit: I did not understand the 'summation of today' quote in paragraph 2. I feel like if I watched the show, I'd understand why it matters. John Doe is obviously a fake name; David Nolan is probably a real name - something about unknown/fantasy turning into reality? But that's just a spitball guess from knowing the blurb for the show and nothing more. The grammatical awkwardness of 'summation of today' (and its repetition in the title) makes me think it [i]should[/i] matter, should characterize/summarize MMB's current life, but as someone not in the fandom, I don't understand why or how. Disregard if you're aiming for a more targeted audience.
The present tense was handled well. Sometimes, present tense can be distracting and awkward. It didn't feel so here. I like the fact that you don't give us details about the ring until midway into the third paragraph, as that builds up suspense for the reader instead of just going 'It was a green ring' and meriting a 'So what?' The description was suitably brief, too - no going on at excessive length about the ring or including unnecessary details.
Should 'absent-mindlessly' be 'absentmindedly'? If you were trying to do a play on words, I'm not 100% sure it worked, considering my gut instinct was to correct. That said, I like that MMB ends up in a different place at the end of the story than she is at the beginning - it gives the story a sense of purpose despite its brevity, and makes it feel complete. If she were just 'Oh, I still have nothing to rely on,' at the end, I'd question the need to write the piece, but the fact that she finds something makes it work.
SPAG is error-free. Not having seen the show, I can't speak as to its canonicity, but it feels like you have a rounded character with flaws here, despite being a fairytale princess. All in all, a well-done short piece that doesn't overstay its welcome or come off as OOC for what very little I know of the show.
Hope this was useful!
| The Bitter Kitten chapter 1 . 3/15/2012
I like this a lot. I think it captures Mary Margaret's mindset really well: the gloom of the unhappy ending, and the spark of Snow White that's still there.
| Kieran-Prince chapter 1 . 3/5/2012
I really like this fic. It was slightly sad and I do feel bad for Mary. It is sad that she only has one constant in her life.
I have to admit, Mary is actually my favorite character in Once Upon a Time (although I haven't watched it in a while).
The fic actually didn't seem to short, which surprised me. At first, I was iffy about the length, but you portrayed the theme so well. It was very sad, yet there seemed to be a sense of hope at the end (or maybe that's just me. I tend to look on the bright side when it comes to fics).
Such a lovely story. Nice job :)
| ShadedRogue chapter 1 . 1/12/2012
I don't know why, but I love this show. And I love this piece even more. It's great how you decided to put a focal point to her wondering: the ring, and it's interesting how it connects Mary Margaret to Snow White, as well as to her hopes and dreams about love. Of course, it would make sense because it was given to her by her love in the Fairy Tale world, and somehow, subconsciously, perhaps she senses that and that's why it means so much to her, and why when she decided she wanted to give up her dreams about love, she decided she was going to throw away the ring. It makes it seem like that even though the Queen's curse is affecting all of them, somehow her seeking love (or, in other words, trying to find James again, in a sense) is resisting the curse and is keeping a tie open to the other world. If that makes any sense. I think I just rambled this entire review.
Anyways, I absolutely loved it!
| Luna Rapunzel chapter 1 . 11/12/2011
So remember that time when you told me that I shouldn't feel obligated to read this because it wasn't very good? SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE IT'S BRILLIANT WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT. I swear to god, every time you write a new one-shot, your prose gets more and more gorgeous. "Nothing more than a reflection in a mirror, a wisp of smoke that you can't ever catch with two hands;" "a person can only be alone for so long" - everything about this is just so perfectly crafted and I love your diction and I love the emotions it evokes and I love you and yes and yes and yes. :D
| inkfiction chapter 1 . 11/11/2011
This was very nicely written, poignant and bittersweet. And I love how you incorporated the ring into it. Good work.
| k1227 chapter 1 . 11/7/2011
There's something so poignant about her not quite remembering about the ring and the possibilities she thinks about. She sounds very reflective and disillusioned, but not past hope, with the planning out how it'll be irretrievable, then putting it back on without really realizing. Nicely written, with a twist of suspense at the end.
| Emily Mae chapter 1 . 11/7/2011
WENDY! This is awesome! Usually I'm not that into TV show fanfics, but this...AH. You nailed Mary Margaret's character and I absolutely love the passage about the ring and how she can't exactly recall where it came from. My roommate and I both gasped when we saw she had it on her finger in the "real world".
Anyway, great job! :D
| Alicester the Trickster chapter 1 . 11/7/2011
Interesting story. The scene of Snow White and the ring was so small during the episode but you did a fantastic job bringing it to life.
| red lighting chapter 1 . 11/7/2011
love this show