|Reviews for Haunted|
| moonshadowcuteness1 chapter 27 . 6/18
I was my bed lat month trying to visualive shogun when I read this story and almost died of laughter at the thought of shogun acting as a bird from Rio cussing and nd phasing You mess with the bird you get the claws! What you gonna do cause I'm about to go birdfu on ur ass lol great story by the way!
| k chapter 11 . 5/13
One small nitpick I have for this chapter would be that the Japanese school year is from April to March so wouldn't Ryuu have been graduated and in middle school already by June? Also, the school summer holidays in Japan is around one month or so from July to August.
| tag.0 chapter 43 . 12/17/2014
Just a quick note: Both Harry and Neville were *fifteen* months old, not eighteen months old, when the attacks happened. They weren't eighteen months old until the end of January 1982; Halloween is only three months after their birthdays, not six months.
Wonderful story, reading it for the second time...
| Pichicha123 chapter 29 . 12/2/2014
Can you add a "Gary Sri Harry" warning? He's way to perfect at everything. It's not bad just a bit off putting and ridiculous sometimes
| Pichicha123 chapter 21 . 12/2/2014
| hainbane chapter 26 . 11/28/2014
A pity that Harry is such a weak and pathetic child that every single cannon encounter almost destroys him. I hoped that in 26 chapters we will see an improvement from the time he was hiding in cupboard, but he is still the same. I hate stories where main character shows no progress despite amazing amount of traning he undergoes. I understand that if he was a god it would be boring... but it gets really boring to read how the boy is still scared of his own shadow and every tiny youkai or random touch gives him a panic attack. I know that some people never recover from hard past or accidents but this is a fantasy this is supposed to be an adventure with a hero that recovers from the hard past and kicks asses, not the boring "i had a trauma in the past and supper slowly trying (failing) to recover" story.
| monstar315 chapter 52 . 10/26/2014
I don't believe you have ever said what happened to kakashi although I presume he died... Have you ever given thought of maybe giving this a sequel with maybe an avengers crossover to be in the far future or maybe a lord of the rings crossover after life on earth has pretty much all died and then began again? maybe give him another love interest with luna's after death blessing?
| Erratus Enigma chapter 1 . 10/14/2014
I must first admit that it took about 6 months after learning of this story for me to finally read it through. Not knowing anything about the world of Natsume Yūjin-Chō plus personal experience as to the average quality of crossover stories made me, perhaps, excessively wary about this. 6 months later, I eventually re-encountered 'Haunted' in my ever-growing list of stories to read, and decided to give it a go.
Boy, was I in for a surprise.
First of all, as I've already stated, I knew *nothing* about Natsume Yūjin-Chō. Absolutely nothing. Quite honestly, I didn't even link the story's image to Madara until the fourth chapter-too used to random images being used in stories.
My lack of experience as to the other half of this story wasn't a deterrent at all in my understanding. The way you wrote this story left me with no doubts, no questions unanswered-well, there were some, but we'll get to that later-and no regrets. I walked blindly into this story, and I have returned an enlightened man.
Formally, I'll begin this review as I always do: The quality of your writing.
I barely had any complaints about your grammar, or your sentence's structure, or, really, any other sort of thing my odd bouts of nit-picking could produce. That doesn't mean your story is perfect-far from it, in a way, but not as far as one might think. It means, instead, that when grammar is concerned, it was good, if not excellent.
There were very few misspellings and typos throughout the chapters, which I consider to be a major goal reached. Over 460 thousand words and as few mistakes as I've seen is, in fact, remarkable. Very few stories this length achieve that sort of quality, and to this achievement, I applaud you.
That being said, there *were* misspellings and typos in your story-not much, but they were there. I'm not exactly sure, but I think I've noticed about three or four in the last few chapters. It is a worthy endeavor to check your chapters, or maybe have someone else check them for you. Have them comb through your chapters not as a reader, but as someone actively looking for odd things, and you might have better results. At least, that's my experience when trying to hunt these sort of things.
The structure of your sentences, too, was very solid and interesting. Solid because they were consistently pleasant to read, had no glaring breaks in the flow, or any other thing that might've distracted a reader. Interesting, because it was...refreshing, in a way. You don't write in a particularly unique or different way, but yet, as happens with many accomplished writers, your story has a decidedly *you* flavour to it. It's-quite hard to explain, actually, but having read it now, it's quite easy to discern your story from others, no matter how similar the plot might or might not be simply for the fact that you wrote them, and in doing so inserted a little bit of yourself in the words.
I'll try not to overly go into my thoughts on the characters and how well and/or badly I thought you portrayed them because, well, two reasons. First: It would take too long, particularly because of the rather extensive number of people actually playing a part in your story, and Second: Who am I, really, to tell you how to portray a character? No one, I tell you! I'm purple, and that's it.
So, let me tell you that I've absolutely loved the vast majority of your characters. Particularly, the main cast was especially loved. Be the grand-parents from Japan, or Takeshi, or even Hatake Kakashi himself(!). The Dursleys, Hermione, Luna, Nevile...it's a very big list. I've loved them all, from the very core of their being to the minutia in their personality.
I've also enjoyed the particularly complex being that was Harry Potter, now (and apparently forever) Natsume Ryuu. I must admit I have a...certain fondness for such dark themes. And Natsume Ryuu's story is *quite* dark. Heart-wrenching sadness, blinding rage, excruciating pain...what hasn't Ryuu faced in the wake of his first 20 years? He's a compelling paradox, a study in opposites from the moment the story starts, to the very end. Continuously broken and whole, weathering entire storms of darkness and evil and prejudice, yet being overpowered by affection, love.
It's ironic, for one who started with nothing, it's safe to say Natsume Ryuu eventually achieved...everything. One could list all his achievements, and say his life was worth-while, and they wouldn't be wrong. Safe to say, your Dragon saw, experienced and did in his first fifteen years of life more than probably anyone else alive could in a hundred. That such a broken individual rose more powerful and whole after all that only speaks highly about him.
Were you to ask him, though, I think he would probably point-and quite rightfully so- that his greatest achievement, that which never fails to make him proud, and deliriously happy, and even sometimes scared...is his family. Not only his relatives, their children, and his own children with Luna, but also his friends, confidants. His god-fathers, his honorary uncle. They wormed themselves a place each in Ryuu's heart, and became family to him.
Each and every one in person dear to Ryuu holds complete power over him, to either shatter his entire psyche, or make him the happiest being on Earth (And probably Beyond.).
It was such a pleasure to read about Ryuu's journey of discovery, and how, even when tempered by loss or pain-so much pain-it was, undeniably, a happy story. And an exceedingly good one at that.
Now, I won't say I didn't think there were some things that could've gone differently, or some things that irked me a bit. There were.
Your portrait of some of the characters, for example, did so. Some of the Weasleys, Draco Malfoy and Albus Dumbledore come to mind. I'm not new to bashing stories-far from it, in fact, but I've read so many of them that it grows tiresome, eventually, to see the same characters with completely exaggerated features laid on them for the sake of the plot, or just personal enjoyment.
I mean, who doesn't enjoy seeing Draco Malfoy and Ronald Weasley being complete idiots for the entirety of their lives? I certainly did, the first 80 times I saw it done. Then it was just...meh.
Now, I do realize that the original portrayal of said characters wasn't overly different. They both were idiots, plain and simple. But being idiots wasn't all there was to them. Some redeeming characteristics could be found in the character being bashed in this story that simply aren't here.
Now, I understand that, while you're writing a story about the universe presented by the books, you're not, in fact, re-writing the books. You, as an author, reserves the right to change and tinker with any and everything at your leisure. But it irks me so to see such unilateral characters. They could be so much more, for good or bad...
The Albus Dumbledore issue, starting at about half point through your story, also irked didn't quite sit right with me. The (former) Hogwarts Headmaster is manipulative. It is one of his defining characteristics, and there's absolutely no way to say otherwise. In fact, Rowling went to great lengths in the last book to show just how much of a manipulative bastard he really was. And while being labelled one of the Greatest Wizards of All Time, and altogether bastion for the Light, she did show just how much he could be wrong, and how much his mistakes could cost people.
In this story, Dumbledore acted, for the most part, pretty much in the same way. He had devised one scenario in his head on how things would play out in the best way, and made his absolute best that events followed his lead. At the beginning of the story, when faced with the consequence of his actions, I thought Haunted would go differently than the last 5 or 7 stories I'd read. That Dumbledore would rise beyond his role as general annoyance, and overall faux-master-mind and dark lord in disguise, but he never actually did.
In fact, it seemed that, past a certain point, he began to conveniently ignore all the pain his manipulations brought onto Ryuu, and, particularly, he began to ignore how often he was being proven wrong in his calculations to simply plow-or attempt to- through any and all resistances to his plan, striving to make it come true as often as possible.
In other words, your Dumbledore never became the something more he could've been, and instead remained a lack-luster character whose sole contribution to the story were some research onto Voldemort's life, an untold amount of pain delivered to his wards, and a seemingly endless source of annoyance.
Though that might very well have been the point.
Also something that saddened me a bit was the anti-climatic conclusion of Voldemort's threat. Though it was very well-done, it still felt like it should have been...more. I won't go very much into that, since this is already too long for my tastes.
That being said, it was still an excellent story. Easily earning an 8.5 or even a 9 out of 10. Those points were somewhat minor, and didn't take too much out of my enjoyment. In fact, as I lay awake at almost 4 AM only to wake up at 6 for my morning classes, I feel it was very much worth it. I would do it again in a heartbeat if I could delete all my current knowledge of this story.
That said, I do hope you continue on writing such wonderful stories, and I also hope you'll get more sleep than I tonight.
Cheers for such a great find!
| Trance20666 chapter 1 . 10/13/2014
so Harry is both a Wizard and he can see Spirits?
| Guest chapter 52 . 6/4/2014
| CallisaDawn chapter 12 . 5/15/2014
| Duner89 chapter 52 . 4/10/2014
I really liked this story. I'd never read Natsume Yūjin-Chō before, but I liked your other stories so I decided to take the plunge and try it. I'm now planning on reading the manga to see what it's like. I really like your stories so far. Keep up the good work.
| zArkham chapter 20 . 3/30/2014
I loved the little bit about Neville's nosebleed!
| Dalilt chapter 52 . 1/28/2014
Thank you for writing this story, it must have taken some time and dedication especially since it's quite long.
I liked it altough on some points I don't agre with you (then again one cannot please everyone)
I liked the fact that you didn't follow the cannon, because from the moment you introduce another character or background it doesn't make sense to follow the cannon.
I just didn't like the way you describe the clothes (it had too many details for me), and the way Ryuu became a intelectual genius, he could do almost everything and do magical, non-magical and physical training to the point of mastery (where one should spend a lot of time and dedication to reach).. I also didn't like the fact that the japanese academy gave time-turners so easily.. I understand it's easier to make the schedule, but I can't imagine it.
I was expecting a bit more of interaction with the youkai and see Takashi have more exposure but oh well..
I almost forgot, I also found it interesting that you decided to follow the approach of Immortality for the one that didn't die.. While it's something people might discuss not many put it in the story.
Anyways thanks for the story :)
| Hariken-sama chapter 52 . 12/17/2013
This story was phenomenal. It was very well written and brought tears to my eyes and laughter in my heart. Over the past five years, I have read a lot of Fan Fiction and I must say...yours takes the cake. The characters were well written, the plot was sublime, and the suspension was killer. I must say, this story has been and will be one of my top favorite stories of all time. I commend you on your works and I believe that you have some serious talent in writing. From all of your stories that I have read, I feel like you have some serious passion for writing and hope that you never let it burn out.