|Reviews for The First Ball Known as the Last|
| CarpeDiemEveryday chapter 1 . 11/12/2011
You switch tenses several times. Don't do that. You also need to watch your punctuation, as you're missing some periods and many commas.
["When will we ever find any worthy wild pokemon?'']
Few people talk this way. Ash is not one of the exceptions. Find a synonym for 'worthy' that Ash would be more likely to use, something along the lines of 'good'. He's not particularly cultured.
[Ash and company (Brock and Ash's other pokemon)]
This is especially sloppy writing. Just say 'Brock, Ash, and their pokemon'.
| SekiryouYouji chapter 1 . 11/10/2011
its rather short so maybe you should get on there forum for help: