|Reviews for What Lies Beneath|
| FeatherGuitar chapter 1 . 6/19
hehehe! things are getting tensed, aren't they? nice chapter! I don't usually find good stories with flaky and flippy
| Guest chapter 3 . 10/6/2014
IM FRICKIN DYING TO KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HaPPEN!
This is my lliiffeee ;;;a;;;;
It's amazing, awesome, beautifully written and just epic!
Please I hope you write more
| Guest chapter 3 . 9/30/2014
Please do finish this story,it's really good you should continue it.
| Nom de Plume chapter 3 . 7/26/2014
I sincerely hope you have not abandoned this story as it would be too cruel to show us this only to let it end here.
I'll start with the constructive criticism first because that's the shortest. Okay, so where things started getting puzzling for me was when Flippy became aware that Splendid was only picking on him because he was competition for Flaky's romantic interests (but even his thought process that led him up to that revelation was kind of abrupt and such a sharp turn from his more depressing thoughts of guilt and repentance). True, it is not morally right that Splendid is doing this for personal reasons but Flippy himself knows about what he's done. Wouldn't he be more concerned about bringing himself to justice to protect other people's lives and Flaky's (on top of finally paying 'penance' for his past wrongs) rather than letting another man's jealousy, however petty it is, be the cause of his conviction (which he knows is true anyways)...?
Another thing is as surprised or as angry as Flaky can get, I cannot ever see her.. cursing. Hell, I even have a hard time seeing her say 'crap.' Even with her stuttering, it still was odd to see her say 'W-what the h-hell!' Yes, I know shyness and being nice does not deter someone from the ability to swear but Flaky's character has a certain quality that just makes that image perturbing. I can see her getting angry, yes, but I see her expressing it in her own Flaky way.
Also, I was surprised by Splendid's absolute conviction to ensure Flaky's sentence when he finds the proof because haven't they been friends since childhood? If I think about it for a moment, I do understand why that point wouldn't hold much weight because if I found my friend in voluntary league with the murderer of our two friends, I would choose to convict them as well, friend or not, (or well, I'd like to find out the reason why first...) but that being said, I still think his decision could have been supported better... Was it just said in the heat of the moment of betrayal or was he completely resolved? I know that you're probably focusing only on Flippy and Flaky's perspectives but somehow I think the build-up to Splendid's resolution could have been reasoned better. (Or perhaps you were going to touch on that later on in the story, who knows.)
Okay, END of constructive criticism. Now onto the good stuff.
I absolutely love the premise of this story, picking up a hitchhiker and a murderer at that. It's certainly not something I have not seen tackled before but the murderer this time is someone who is at odds with himself. What I love even MORE though is your characterization of both Flippy and Flaky. In many stories, Flaky is always portrayed as extremely naive and unaware of her surroundings. Yes, she does have a naive quality to her but she's also a paranoid individual and those types of people tend to pick up on all kinds of things, even things that are not really there. So for her to notice the knife but be perceptive enough to not give her awareness away, that was pretty astute of her. I like this more mature side of her here but you never lost her Flakiness. She still mentally penalizes herself, even when she's not in the wrong, she will still find a reason to see the wrong in herself first before the other person. So I guess you can say there's the characteristic selfless side of Flaky. How she always tries to see the best in people even when the evidence is pointing otherwise... but I mean... it's still hard to see that when the evidence is so concrete (-freshly- bloodied knives, at the site of the murder, blood fetish...) but I guess denial is a strong point of hers, which you also expounded upon, so that was good. How she is attracted to but more so, desires Flippy's confident air. Her disbelief at her actions that she would usually never do (defy her friend Splendid, lie to him, help a complete stranger who (even in denial) could be the murderer) was very believable and well-done; I particularly like how her stuttering worsened the more anxious/guilty she gets and how Flippy picked it up. Her self-abhorrence at her actions and anxiety condition was very Flaky, too.
The knife scene in the beginning had to be my favorite, where you described Flippy's cutting skills but in the eyes of a paranoid person aka Flaky's. It's such a dramatic irony to know that her paranoid thoughts aren't too off from the real thing. The imagery was very suspenseful but artful as well. I even like how you brought in their opposing food tastes which implicitly represented their personal principles (a non-killer vs a killer). The pieces of Flaky's past that you revealed in the beginning of this chapter and the eeriness of how the closed caskets of her parents paralleled her now two lost friends' own closed caskets, that was a very nice connection there and a further reinforcement to Flaky's tragedies that constantly flank her back then and follow her into the now. (I still wonder how stuttering can be an effect of that..? Fear of fire, yeah, that's understandable but stuttering? Eh, but whatever, the fact that you gave a background to the start of her anxiety at all is great.) And I think you already know this but... I'm sure you meant 'funeral' rather than 'funereal.'
Flippy's constant guilt was well-done too. His hesitance to leave vs his desire to stay shows that he -knows- it would be right for him to leave now and protect Flaky that way but as you said, this was the first time he's ever been shown such kindness and firsts are very memorable and hard to let go, yah? I like how you trickle Flipqy's thoughts and actions into Flippy even when he's not "fully" transformed, such as during the kitchen scene when he was strangely attached to the kitchen knife and spouting double meanings - only to snap out of it when Flaky said something unexpected (salad dressing, haha). Showed it but not tell it - that's a sign of a writer's skill there. Through those actions alone, you made Flipqy more than just a separate entity as it made me wonder... are they not truly one and the same then? Could Flipqy just be his ruthless side that's always been there all along but was just amplified by war? The mirror scene was great - it was vivid and very HTF - how Flippy imagined the blood splashing through his side of the mirror was a quality I did not see coming but appreciated all the same. How he didn't cry at the funeral was perturbing though... was that his own self-defense mechanism blocking out all the suffering he caused or was that something else? And it was pretty insensitive of him to wonder how long Flaky was gonna cry over this... I can see Flipqy thinking that but not Flippy.
The last part here is such a cliff-hanger, eeergh. (Not to mention Ms. Lamby's implied connection with Flippy...I think you meant Ms. "Lammy" though?) The only thing that I thought strange though was when you said there was "a brief moment of clarity where the world seemed so peaceful and crystal clear" - even if they're lost in their thoughts, those thoughts aren't exactly peaceful... one is grieving and the other is beating himself over the head for thinking such Flipqy-esqye thoughts about Flaky. I get that you were trying to contrast that scene with the upcoming sudden appearance of danger but it felt out of place in terms of the state of the two minds which were not at peace at all. Anyways, wow, that was a mouthful. As you can see... you have successfully engaged me into your story - a feat that only skillful writing can achieve. I just nitpick because I feel full potential can only be realized through feedback and if your writing is like this now... I can only imagine what it'd be like if it was further refined.
| Miki Usagi chapter 3 . 4/3/2014
Id like to read more, apparently most stories in this genre are so cliche. Good work though! So far, no errors. I like this, dark, a bit fluff and something sinister... Please update soon :)
| Stacey Pickett chapter 3 . 10/25/2013
Please! Keep writing!
I've spent a good amount of time trying to find a flippy fanfic with just the right amount of gore, and this is the best I've seen:) please finish!
| TryingToFindTime chapter 3 . 9/30/2013
First of all, props to you for shucking these huge chapters out. Seriously, I could never do that, I'm lazy as all hell. xD
The story started out very strong, and I love your writing style, but in my own honest opinion, I feel as if you have over-complicated the third chapter. Don't get me wrong, you have things that work. Like the fact that Splendid is blinded by jealously, and the fact that Flaky betrays him, in fact, most of the little things work, but the ending itself disappointed me somewhat. You used your first two chapters to paint this beautiful picture of subtle suspense, (like the details you described of Flippy using a knife in the kitchen, and the way you described Flaky's fear of anything dead and her crippling anxieties). I really enjoyed the beginning because you had given these characters such a stark contrast and it seemed like that was going to be your focus.
The transition from these chapters to chapter three just felt slightly abrupt. I was kind of hoping that the story would revolve around the tension slowly escalating in the household, and that it would start with little, creepy things, like; Flippy staring at blood fixedly, the cat's mysterious disappearance, etc. I guess that kind of makes my opinion biased, huh? I really shouldn't complain just because the story went into a different direction. It's not like I'm really in a position to be judging other's works, either, so take what I say with a grain of salt.
| BoonyTheWolf chapter 3 . 9/27/2013
Cool, the monkey's gonna be in the story.
| Azula Blue chapter 1 . 9/6/2013
Sorry Stupid cell I meet story i miss this story please pretty please continue it if you can
| Azula blue chapter 2 . 9/6/2013
Ummm i Miss Thiago story please continue if you can
| Rosabelly chapter 2 . 6/17/2013
Another chapter. n.n
| vanillalockheart chapter 2 . 5/29/2013
pretty please continue i love you story
| crystalblue19 chapter 2 . 5/14/2013
I like that Flippy was jealous of Splendid, though I feel bad for Cuddles and Giggles. ): don't tell me that Flippy is gonna kill the cat now. xD
| crystalblue19 chapter 1 . 5/14/2013
This is so good, I'm betting that Flippy will end up flipping out at Flaky's birthday party. :3
| Reaperdeath chapter 2 . 4/2/2013
Flippy, no! Leave the cat alone!