Reviews for Shades of Grey
RhuBard Pie chapter 1 . 12/30/2011
Well, that was quite interesting. It had a nice little moral realization at the end which was nice. I do believe you have good grammar. There is nothing wrong with that too. I do believe that not all stories have to truly end, and that's why I especially liked the ending to your story. It didn't end with the murder of your main character. You left an open ending for the reader's imagination. ((Brownie points)) Anyway, I don't think I'm at my best for reviewing right now, so I'll probably come back, reread and review again. Just as a quick forewarning.

Smiles go for miles.

CrypticWraith chapter 1 . 12/28/2011
Yet another wickedly awesome one-shot by DragonFELL. :D

This story actually made me think about all those other warriors, you know the ones that don't get to be in prophecies or that. In a way they are special, they are the reason why the clans still exist, and they always help the 'prophesied cat' to accomplish what he/she is supposed to do in an odd, unrecogmized sort of way.
Satan Abraham chapter 1 . 12/7/2011
Whitepaw freaking epic

Anyway, I loved it! And I did notice all the names, Redkit especially.
GoldenRinglets chapter 1 . 11/26/2011
There will be a tl;dr at the end for you, if this review is too long and nonsensical XD

...*Clears throat*

I promise I won't fangirl out. It'll be hard, for definitely, but I can do it. *Determined face*

To start off, if it wasn't clear, I loved this story. I think I have a thing in particular for oneshots. Just neat little stories that are wrapped up in one chapter. You don't get too attached to the characters, and the plot is short and sweet. But, this is not the case with this story.

In these 8,297 words, I grew to love Graykit. He's... charming, in his own little - somewhat pessimistic - way. His need to be special throughout the story was darling, and kit-like. Dunno if that's what you were going for, but that's how it seemed to me.

The plot obviously wasn't short and sweet - 8,297 words and all - but long and gorgeous. It pulls you in and you have to keep reading.

The moral - if you could call it that - of this story was expressed beautifully. Graykit actually learned something from cats outside of his own Clan, which is something you don't see all too often in stories. I caught on to what was going on after he met the WindClan cats and Crowflight (Totally forgot his name already D: And I'm just too lazy to go through it and look for it.) told him that hunting for your Clan is more important than a little stick with scratches. Of course, this stick meant practically the world to Graykit at the time, so he learned that hunting for your Clan is one of the most important things you could do. Yeah, if that makes no sense to you, I completely understand.

In its own way, this story was heart-wrenching. Graykit's need to be special and noticed and loved made me... sad. For him, mostly, but also for the situation that he was in. The way others reacted to him, and such. Don't make a lot of sense sometimes, my emotions.

The length kind of intimidated me, but that was easily overcome. No giant blocks of text scoured my vision, and no overlong words confused me.

And I honestly can't find any technical writing stuff to criticise. Seriously. Beautifully written.



forever banishing sorrow chapter 1 . 11/25/2011
No concrit, no flames, nothing. This is just plain epic, Dragon!


Ruining Hopes and Dreams chapter 1 . 11/21/2011
I think this is an excellent story, very well written. I like the Graystripe (should I write Greystripe? Ah, national confusion. Anyway.) vibe I get from Graykit, although, Graystripe is very cheerful about his role as Firestar's sidekick, and Graykit doesn't take it that way, making the story a lot more believable.

Graykit's thoughts seem a little... too well-developed for his age- he is a kit, and he's having an elder's deep and meaningful thoughts. At some points he is more kit-like, while at many others he seems to gain wisdom.

I noticed that you said "third mistake" twice. I would have thought the second time it would be "fourth mistake", so it was probably a typo.

I think your grammar and spelling were very good, I didn't notice any obvious mistakes. One thing:

["then he'd be too full up to eat anyone else."]

Shouldn't that be "then he'd be too full to eat anything else."? That looks weird, probably due to the question mark (part of my question, not the sentence).

I particularly like the ending paragraph:

[I used to be angry for being gray. I wasn't as bright as flame, or red as red, or white as snow, or black as a crow. But my biggest mistake of all was for seeing the world as black and white—one side filled with special cats destined for greatness, the other filled with nobodies. But that's not true at all. We're all gray. Some of us are darker, some of us are lighter, and it has nothing to do with the color of our fur or the shade of our eyes. We're all just different shades of gray—and on the inside, we're all the same...]

I thought it summed up the story nicely. This is an interesting thing to investigate- "shades of grey", as they are part of everyone's character. Well, I don't want to get all philisophical on you, so I think I'll end here.

Oh, and I also like the fact you linked their names to the original characters.

I'm going to stop now. I loved your story.

Review to meet da rules chapter 1 . 11/21/2011
Yes. Bookish Owl back again... to write my review in the correct format. So, um, yeah. Here we go!

One thing I especially enjoyed about this story was how it was told by a sort of sidekick character. It gave such a fresh view on things - for once, the action wasn't totally centered around the main character, which allowed you a different insight on things. Also, I liked how you had a sort of "Graystripe-Firestar" thing going on there - Where Flamekit is Firestar, and Graykit is Graystripe. Also, Redkit seemed a bit like Ravenpaw to me - was that intentional? I don't know.

{{We're all just different shades of gray—and on the inside, we're all the same...}}

Such a beautiful ending - and so true. In reality, we all contribute to society, and no one is more important than the other. A wonderful revelation after all of Graykit's angst and hatred towards Flamekit.

However, I had two problems with it:

1.) Graykit seemed a bit mature for his age. I mean, he is a kit, and yet he has all of these complex thoughts and feelings...

2.) Graykit manages to make it halfway across the lake in one day. I don't think it's possible for a kit to do that, but... meh. Maybe it is. I must ask Erin Hunter...

Also, your writing really is suberb... Just, you have the tendency to ramble in your writing. Rambles are sometimes interesting, yes, but when overused... Meh. Also, some of your grammar/spelling is off. For example, the following words were used:




And, when having characters stutter, you don't need to have the second word capitalized. Grawr, awful explanation. Let me explain using an example...

{{I didn't have time to be surprised. "I-It's a stick. I thought it might be a sign from StarClan, or... or something..."}}

I'm fairly sure you can just write, "I-it's" instead of "I-It's", but I'm not the grammar expert here, so...

Anyway, wonderful one-shot. I can't wait for your next piece of writing. :)

Bookish Owl (Yet again), out!
HazelCup chapter 1 . 11/18/2011
I loved reading this Dragon, it's really well written and gives a good perspective on the 'other' guys' side of the story. I feel like Graykit is Graystripe, but really who else could he be? Graypool? Pffhh! XD Any who, this is the only mistake I saw in here-

Both sides have large trees filled with squirrels undergrowth hiding little mice. -

Wouldn't it be-

Both sides have large trees filled with squirrels, and undergrowth for hiding little mice.-

But besides that little mess-up you did wonderful Dragon. Btw over 8,000 words! My fingers would have fell off! *Hands you cyber-cookies for being so awesome*
The Golden City chapter 1 . 11/12/2011
Flipping amazing.

I started reading thinking good god this is about Flamekit and his prophesy and how amazing he is, but it isnt. Its about something more than that and for one I have read a story where the main charecter doesn't have a prophesy! (I'd take my hat of to you for that... if I was wearing a hat.)

the universe is ours chapter 1 . 11/12/2011
I didn't get the DocX. /tear.

But, regardless of that, it's freaking amazing. Is this influenced slightly by my ramblings about Sidekick and Halflife? If yes, then it's wayyy better. I agree with you about the reincarnation going-ons and I love the way you go about them.

There where only a couple parts where I went 'what...?' Such as; that made me sad. It didn't really flow... but I get the impression that you were speaking through a kit's mind, although the simplicity of it compared to the rest of the text is rather unneeded. Unless you where going for contrast, then, in that case, it's perfect. /nawds

Anyway, I adore the two paragraphs at the end, they kind of made my throat coke up, until that last line. It was perfect.

Through and through, it truly was.



'Though, we'll see how it measures up to the other submissions. /winks

Scribe of the Owls chapter 1 . 11/12/2011


Just wow.

This story is beautiful. Normally, I'm not one for "nice messages" and all, but this? Extraordinary. I'm getting a sort of "Graystripe" vibe from Graykit... is this coincidental or intentional? Because, in the first series, Firestar (Flamekit, in this case) was always the special one. Graystripe? Oh, he's the underdog - never the important character.

However, Graykit... seems a little mature for his age, wouldn't you say? But, maybe he is that way. I didn't design his personality. And would it even be possible for a kit to trek halfway across the lake...? *shrug*

Otherwise, well done, Dragon. You truly are a superb writer.