|Reviews for FALSE WITNESS|
| Sweetmd24 chapter 4 . 6/23
I truly enjoyed reading this story!
| FieryQueenOfAllSharpObjects chapter 4 . 4/24
This was amazing! I loved it thank you for writing it!
| Bama122 chapter 1 . 8/5/2014
This would have been a heckuva episode. Well done from a big bonanza fan.
| JapaneseMitsuye chapter 4 . 6/30/2014
This was such a good story your a good writer
| hoigui chapter 4 . 12/19/2013
| Elbertina Roberts chapter 4 . 11/19/2012
This is a really good story. It kept my interest throughout the whole story. Good job.
| Elbertina Roberts chapter 1 . 11/17/2012
This is a great story. I can't wait to read the next chapter of it.
| Crica chapter 1 . 12/30/2011
I loved the first chapter. Great job, congratulations!
| NS chapter 4 . 1/22/2011
Thanks for writing this story, I really enjoyed reading it.
I found your writing style very natural and you got across to the reader the depth of the family's feeling for each other.
The story was told in an easy style and you didn't rush through scenes and dialogue.
Congratulations, I look forward to reading other stories you have written.
| Forever Bonanza chapter 4 . 11/14/2010
Very well done. I loved it is in my top 10. Thank You so much for writing.
| Nancy chapter 4 . 12/26/2009
Totally awesome story. I was so drawn into the story and didn't want it to end. You are a wonderful author. Keep writing us stories because I assure you that I'll continue to read them...and I plan on reading the sequel to "False Witness" as well. As much as I don't want to stop reading, I've got to start shoveling out from under the 3 feet of snow that has piled up in my driveway from the blizzard.
Keep up the good work.
| J7339 chapter 1 . 9/10/2009
A response to your review at /r/754652/
Thank you for taking the time to review. Appreciated.
There are plenty of reasons for things that I put into my stories.
Yes I am not American - so the spelling is different and that is the same no matter which genre I write for. And there are some mistakes.
As to plot and character changes, whilst it is true that fanfiction is about a particular show, there are certain characteristics that I have written about, i.e. Hop Sing and other characters that I have introduced because that is why I wanted to write the character.
It may not be exactly as you saw it on the TV show - but that is how I write all my stories, to give the characters an additional depth that I feel the story needs. The same for how people are addressed i.e. their names and profession. It would be fairly boring all of the time to call them just Doc Martin and Sheriff Coffee, so I use their first names and other ways to identify them.
In relation to information that doesn't need to be in the story and bogs it down, that may be true to some readers as well, but this is deliberate and I do describe every rock, tree and blade of grass along the way - that is just how I write. And probably always will.
Thank you for reading.
| shilosha chapter 1 . 9/10/2009
I'm going to take a wild guess here, that English, or at least "American," is not your first language. You really need a copy editor. I'm new to this sight and have been spending time reading some of the older entries, and I find this is true of all or yours that I have read so far.
There are a number of inconsistancies in this story, and I think I pointed out a few in one or two others, so I will do the same here.
In the beginning, when the family is pulling up to the house with Joe asleep in the buckboard, his age is quoted at 15, but later in this chapter, it is said his age is 16 - twice.
If Joe's hands are tied in front of him, why does he have to scrape his head on the floor in the back room of the shack to remove his blindfold? Later, after his final beating prior to his escape, he wakes up and realizes he doesn't have "a gag in his mouth this time." He was blindfolded at the time of his abduction, not gagged.
After the first beating, Joe slumps into the chair. Over an hour later, Thomas hears him stirring and pulls him up and dumps him "into the chair from earlier," telling the reader that he was on the floor all the time he was unconscice.
Danny attemps to pawn Joe's saddlebags stolen "a few days earlier." What few days? You don't mention any day to night transition, but the reader can assume that by other references, such as the six hour ride by the kindnappers to the sack, and tha fact that Ben is in town at mid-afternoon to accompany his son home from school. It isn't until a bit later in the story, when Joe wakes up against a wall in the main room of the cabin and contemplates escape, is there a mention of his limbs being stiff and sore after being tied up for over 24 hours.
Before Sherrif Coffee opens the cell door to release Danny, he gives the man "less than 15 minutes" to saddle up and get out of town. But when Danny leaves the jail house, Roy is said to warn him to be out "within the hour."
Overall, I've liked the stories, but they do seem so long and tedeous (I'm not a good speller either). The site asks for "tips" for the author, so I will give you a few of those.
You have a tendancy to get sidetracked. The conversation that Joe and Hoss have over Joe quitting school has no bearing on the story and unnecessary. Further references to it, such as when Hoss is told to let his brother sleep in and Ben will keep him out of school that day, and he thinks all Joe need do is show a little blood, could stand on their own. Anyone who was a fan of the series and now this and other sights knows that while intelligent, Joe hates being forced to do anything, including school.
As a kid, we watched Bonanza every Sunday. My grandfather lived with us and that was one of his favorites (Rifleman and Red Skelton were the other two) and having one TV, we had no choice. I'm not all too familiar with the episodes after Adam left and Candy and Jamie came into the picture.
Hop Sing was more of comic relief. Yes, there were episodes where he played a significant part. He always had a rifle and was ready to use it in defense of his "family," or while as cook on a cattle drive, against rusters or mauraders, but there are only three episodes I recall where Hop Sing played a more than minor roll. One had to do with Ben, on a combination bussiness and vacation trip to San Francisco with his sons, getting shanghied, and Hop Sing and his "cousins" assist in finding and rescueing him. The second one had to do with Joe being accused of murder, and Hop Sing finding and identifying the real killer because of his "chop" or his fingerprint. The final one was When Hop Sing gets his hair cut off, which is shameful to him, and the Cartwrights go out to find his braid.
Hop Sing is basically in the backround, "Dinna, now! Or I feed to pigs!" So the whole scene with Joe in the Kitchen with him trying to help could be elimated or at least condensed. You could have said something like "After an hour in the kitchen trying to assist the little Cantones cook, Joe was chased out, covered in flour and batter, with Hop Sing in a tirade against his employer about the mess."
Constant reference is also annoying. I hope I word this right. Fans of the series know that there is Sherrif Roy Coffee and Doctor Paul Martin. Although bit parts and not in all episodes, and later they gave way to other characters filling those rolls. But one introduction with the full title, maybe two if the story is long (and in this case you also don't have a visual) It is unnecessary to refere to them continuaously as that. They are both good friends of the Family, and calling them Doc Martin or Sherrif is plenty.
There is also constantly the references to the horses: Buck, Sport, Chubb and Cochise (Chooch). Readers don't need to hear "He saddled up Buck, his horse." Just 'He saddled his horse and was off to Virginia City" or "Chubb got skittish and tried to dismount Hoss."
Then there is the "Big Brother," "Younger Brother," and "Little Brother" references. Fist off, in the series, Adam mostly refered to Joe as "Joe," not "Little Joe." Ben mostly called him Joe or Joseph. This constant rambling on who is what in the heirarchy really annoys me, as I know the chain of events.
Don't feel bad. A lot of the authors on this sight do the last two things, but in all truth it just bogs down the story,
I'm hoping I can find part two of this story. After reading a few from the front of the sight, I decided to go to the back and work forward as there were too many references to earlier stories. So I'm hoping to find yours to find out why Joe was gone for a month and how he got hurt again somehow, which you mentioned in the beginning of this chapter.
| Nancy chapter 1 . 9/3/2009
I really enjoyed your story. It was very captivating...very well written. Thanks for sharing your special gift of writing with us readers who adore the Cartwright Family...Keep'em coming. :O)
| Swissmounty chapter 1 . 8/11/2009
This is a very impressive story - thank you very much! I only recently discovered Bonanza and its fanfics and hope, my English skills will improve through the reading.
I'm already looking forward to your next Bonanza-story!