Reviews for Dead Betrayal
tleel chapter 50 . 1/14
Very enjoyable story.
tanseynz chapter 50 . 1/5
A lot of fun and your twists and turns kept me completely befuddled - love it. Imo a Beta might be worth considering, not for plotting or characterisation which is expert, but for some of the language use and grammar which blurs an otherwise snazzy piece of prose.
tanseynz chapter 16 . 1/4
Is she really that oblivious to how he feels and how he acts towards her, or is she faking 'modest' behaviour?
MiniLover chapter 50 . 12/2/2014
Just finished the story. It was amazing! I can't wait to read more of yours.
MiniLover chapter 42 . 12/2/2014
Amazing story! I am enjoying it so much!
cela chapter 1 . 11/26/2014
I really am liking this, any story that makes bill look like an ass is okay with me. you have a creative imagination and i'm sure your writing will improve with time, your sentences are a little terse. keep up the good work on your next story!
cela chapter 3 . 9/11/2014
are you sure sookie can't be glamoured? I can't think of another reason for someone as hot tempered as her to put up with bill's manhandling her.
cela chapter 13 . 6/19/2014
what is sookie, twelve? what grown woman writes in a diary like that?
cela chapter 3 . 6/19/2014
sookie thinks bill is KIND to her? what the hell would she call man? the asshole left bruises on her twice in one night!
Vwchick chapter 50 . 9/7/2013
Great story, read it in one day!i wish you had explained How Leif was a fairy? Was behalf from his real father? And with Soojie being so different now why the he k is she still at merlottes? What was the time Eric almost list Pam, that never got explained, and why would she just leave! Anyway I was wondering those questions. Thanks for a great story
Brdstrt4 chapter 50 . 6/23/2013
I loved your story. I would have liked to see more closure for the lover's.
Tiggy318 chapter 50 . 6/13/2013
Good story!
Dinnerandamurder chapter 20 . 5/21/2013
There was so much wrong with this chapter that it hurt my head to read it. POV timeline was backward. A diary in her bra... really? That is not possible unless she has a 44 eee bra size! I desperately wanted to take this page apart and try to fix it just so it would be readable. I would really love to finish this story, but won't be able to if the chapters read like thus one. I am sorry to say this, as I see so much potential I the story. Not sure just a Beta could fix this. You really need a co-writer to to take your story and re-write it into a kick a$$ story. It would take massive paragraph, grammar and sentence structure fixes, reality checks and adding a mature voice. You have the imagination (sometimes too much), but you have a real issue with getting what is in your head to come across on paper.
Dinnerandamurder chapter 17 . 5/20/2013
A couple thing. This story is in desperate need a Beta. Your pronoun usage is bad. Some language issues that would lead me to believe English is not your your first language. Also, the story of Godric running through underground tunnels that have never been found from Texas to Lousianna is also way too far fetched. A good Beta again would help you with storylines. My advice... get a Beta ;) This story could be really great with some tweaking here and there.
Honulvr chapter 50 . 5/1/2013
That was a lot of fun! Thank you for sharing!
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