|Reviews for A Dead End|
| Azrael38 chapter 1 . 1/30
I cared about whether this guy live or died in less than a thousand words. Well done.
| MalkieriJester chapter 1 . 6/12/2012
Love this story! Good stuff in there! The only two issues I have are both word choice issues.
First, the use of insensate "Bullets clawed the air around his insensate head" just feels a little off to me; maybe too clinical? I don't know, that phrase just kind of caught me up when I read through it.
Second, "The grin died stillborn." You describe the man's sharklike grin twitching the corners of his mouth, stillborn feels wrong because it usually describes something that never actually came to be (unlike the man's sharklike grin which we've already seen).
Loved the glimpse into the continuing battle. Thankee Sai.
| Someone chapter 1 . 1/4/2012
The last line gave me some mad goosebumps. So captivating with such few words. Thanky sai.
| I-Am-Silence chapter 1 . 11/30/2011
This was absolutly fantastic!
| Patrick-Henry chapter 1 . 11/26/2011
Impressive in your creation of a real character in so few words-I got attached.
I especially liked the flow of the language-strong, original verbs and syntactic fluency that fit the rhythm of the flight and the fight.
"No low man's gun. Roland, he thought idly, would be proud." That was a brilliant line!