|Reviews for Command and Conquer 4: Ascension|
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 6/21/2012
and Antarctica (B-13)
[Antarctica wouldn’t be economically feasible, any population placed on them would be almost pure consumers and too little production would exist to survive]
Stretching his fingers he pressed
[Your narrative is detailed, but has a tendency to edge towards run-on sentences and awkward pacing. This is an example where some sort of separation, even as simple as just adding a comma (for that “implied breath”) after ‘fingers’ would have done the trick]
ringed the floating fortress.
[Iceland is a subcontinental mass, not exactly floating. I get the point about fortress, that’s perfectly fitting]
what does Kane does know
lines connection it to
fusion reactor on his back he took aim
[Remember my earlier note of run-on sentences descending into awkward meaning? Here’s another example. I can’t figure out what the focus of this is, and it feels like it’s three or so sentences. Either way, I think that separating it into two rephrased sentences would’ve been a lot more clear]
as a sophisticated, high-tech
[Those mean the same thing in every sense I know]
covered the upper storey
[Isn’t it normally “story”? I’m not aware of any difference by dialect]
Gideon's base's harvesting operations
[If it’s plural, it should read “bases” or “bases'”]
in as much secrecy as Kane's
[as Kane’s what? Or just “as Kane”?]
for another 7 months
[It was offline for long periods before?]
This Brotherhood cannot possibly survive if we begin doubting each other
[It seemed to work for the past hundred years…]
his throat agian,
spoke in a forcedly strong voice
[That just looks awkward to me]
Just give us the word.
[Well, technically that’s a word…]
Definitely one of the better C&C fics out there, the characters and plot seem coherent (and feel like they have more depth than EA’s sad attempt). There are a couple points setting-wise where I sense that you weren’t sure whether to focus more on immediate settings or world-building to establish a firm foundation in the present situation, and I think that details in precisely how things changed (on several sides of the Tiberium conflict) would have been interesting to see. Either way, it’s still nice to see somebody giving what looks like a serious take on the franchise and it’s fairly good on technical aspects (barring a few wording issues like the ones I pointed out).
| Ogi chapter 3 . 2/18/2012
Really god story, with lot of potential. Shame that C&C section of is almost dead. Perhaps you should post it on or other forum to get more feedback? Peptuck is posting his Tiberium Wars novelization here, and it will be shame if yours fic which has similar quality died from lack of reviews... Anyway I hope to see this story continued, good luck in writing.
| Just a Crazy-Man chapter 3 . 12/22/2011
| Just a Crazy-Man chapter 1 . 12/22/2011
Nicely done. :)
| undead3 chapter 2 . 12/12/2011
a real...real good tib fanfic, i actually get a sense of this stuff is killing us but you know its damn valuable. (and whats more this isn't a nod fic so now i'm actually eger to see what the brotherhood will do.) always play the GDI story first makes the nod bit better just becouse you get the full plot from kane.
| Jackaroo chapter 2 . 11/30/2011
I'm liking it so far. I like the idea of the Tiberium universe, but the story really boned itself after TSun.
Also, I think you're missing an ellipsis(...) here:
"a total of 11,000 full-time soldiers dedicated to the defence of the command hub, not to mention to
'Ms de Vries!' shouted a voice from the other side of the car park."
If it's cutting off her chain of thought, typically an ellipsis, or in some cases a dash would be used. You don't just leave off the full stop.
More? There's never enough decent Tiberium fanfic.